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"A Cock, It's Me" Revisited

bylorencino©
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Comments (10)
by Anonymous

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by Angeline09/23/08

No more prefaces!

The poem is good though I'd change all those adverbs to adjectives, but you should keep the intro to a minimum. In fact, you don't need an intro lol, just put a line after the poem saying it's revised. :-)

Your poem has been recommended in today's new poems reviews on Literotica's Poetry Feedback and Discussion forum.

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by WickedEve09/23/08

~

I really have to agree with Miss Angeline. Kick those adverbs out of the poem. Shoo them away. I didn't even read the intro. I went straight for the poem. :)

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by sassynyc09/24/08

Ditto...

on what's been said. Otherwise, I enjoyed this read quite a bit. I hope to see more of your work.

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by My Erotic Trail09/25/08

(~_~)

excellent erotic poetry... the explanation was longer than the poem but then again there is always more to a poem than just the read (grin) nice write~

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every word is potentially poetic

including cock, cunt, bitch and all the rest. I loved this the first time, and I love it now. Darling, you really need to put up more of your work; I really love your voice.

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by BelindaTitlark12/28/08

Mmm they are such sexy words....

I really enjoyed drifting though your sexy words and imagining each one slowly enjoying all that was happening. They certainly provoked my imagination and naughty mind. Please write some more soon.

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by Claudiah01/17/09

Beautifully, Simplisticly Raw

I read both versions of your poem, and i have to say, I loved them both. Being that I am not offended by the word "bitch", as I'm sure you know,(you comented to my use of the word cock in one of my poems) I think I liked the orriginal just the way it was.

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by Caribbeanwoman01/22/10

beautiful

very beautiful poem

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by butters10/07/12

infinitely more erotic

than most here despite using cock and cunt; they lend a richness to this piece already textured with sensuality and prove, once again, that it's not the word itself but the way a word is used that makes the impact.

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by 03/03/17

Interesting contrast...

I read both versions of this poem, and while use of the word "bitch" in the first version didn't put me off, I did find it a little jarring until I came to the conclusion that you were likely (and I'm being presumptuous here in trying to interpret your meaning) attempting to convey the animalistic element of the sex act itself. The poem's emphasis is on body parts--cock and cunt--but also in the transcendence of those parts into a spiritual connection one has with a partner. I love the rhythm of this poem as well. Dare I say it follows the same rhythm of languid lovemaking itself?

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