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bybeginnergurl©
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by Anonymous

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by ELFletcher09/26/08

over all good premiss

Over all it is a good premiss, but I think it needs more detail. She runs her hands down her flat stomach...Maybe like this? As her hands move gently over her abdomen, shivers of exstacy slide accross her skin with the light touch of her fantasy lovers finger tips.

Just a suggestion. the concept is great. needs a litle more detail

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by Agoodman95209/26/08

Paint the picture

I agree wit ElFletcher. As a writer you are painting a picture in the readers mind using words as your palette. The more descriptive the story, the more vibrant the picture. That being said you show great potential, and I hope to read more of your work.

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