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Fire Ch. 02

byEnithermon©
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Comments (23)
by Anonymous

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by Tricialen09/27/08

Very Good!

Please continue. I love Jairus and Thea and the story is intriguing. I was just a little confused by the way this chapter started. It didn't flow from the first chapter. But other than that, it's very good.

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by Anonymous09/27/08

A Rising New Star!

With only minor spelling and grammar errors to mind to, we have the makings of a fine new Author! The story line seems to have been thought out and is being well fleshed in the mystic of the serial presentation... In short Good reading and going to get better with each submission.

We can look forward to great entertainment!!!

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by Anonymous09/27/08

I like it but ...

as the previous poster commented, the beginning of this chapter didn't quite flow with the end of the last. Also, I thought Thea gave Jarius permission to drink from her? I suppose it could just be me misreading and confusing myself. Interested to see where this is going though and will look for your next submission.

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by 09/27/08

I Like

Ok so there a was a tiny bit of confusion at the beginning but that smoothed out quick.

I really like the story though and will be keeping an eye out for more.

Thanks for giving it to us. Can't wait for more.

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by Anonymous09/27/08

Great!

Loving the story!!

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by warrior_wolf09/27/08

Didn't live up to the first chapter

I thought your first chapter was brilliant but I found the start of the second chapter so confusing and completely off tangent to the last one I thought for a minute I'd accidentally clicked on the wrong story. I'm afraid I wasn't able to finish it. you seem to have alot of potential but every chapter must take past chapters and future ones into consideration. Try a linking paragraph next time before, like Jaris telling Thea he has to leave for a few days for example. If you think about how the last chapter ends while writing the next I'm sure your next chapter will be great.

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by Daniellekitten09/27/08

A little hint...

the easiest way to continue a novel is to not stop at the end of the chapter but to write at least one page of the next in one continuing thought. That way you don't just break off and ruin the flow of your work. I hope that helps. You do have some talent, just keep working with it.

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by KatLady09/27/08

I find it interesting . . .

that the "constructive criticism" from other authors on this website didn't go directly to the author's email but instead showed up in the public comment section. Just a thought. Anyway, I found the chapter well written and I wasn't confused at all--I just thought she was introducing us to another side of Jairus

Oh, and this new author has more than "some" talent--she is talented!

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by Anonymous09/27/08

Well Done

While some of your readers did not appreciate the beginning of this 2nd chapter, I found that it added depth to a character that we know/knew very little about. I suspect that we will learn more about these characters as the story unfolds.

I will confess a bit of confusion about the title; I presume that it is from the opening of the 1st chapter. That said, the title led me to expect a story about a dragon which is, I suppose, silly.

Keep up the good work. I look forward to chapter 3.

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by sacrificedangel09/27/08

Very good...

I enjoyed it a lot, and yes, I agree with comments below, that the first little bit WAS very confusing, and I confess I had to reread chapter one just to ensure I was reading the next chapter of the same story. But, once you got into it, it was very good. As to one of the comments below about Authors leaving advice/constructive critisism here rather than private email, I have to say, it helps other writers like myself to see what they have to say, see what advice they give to overcome little glitches like the very begining of this chapter Enithermon...and I certainly will be taking DK's advice on board for my own writing. So keep going, and I certainly look forward to the next chapter!

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by GaeaWindsinger09/27/08

Every author has their own style.

and that is what makes each author unique. Loved the story. Katlady hit the nail on the head... there are many ways to let your readers learn more about your characters... This is hers and I for one enjoyed the surprise. I, too, was a bit confused but decided to hang in there and I was NOT disappointed. Too bad Warrior Wolf didn't read further or he would have round that she did indeed bring past chapters into the story admirably. I also agree that she has more than just "some" talent. As for the title.... well most of us know there are many types of "Fire" and she has already given us several types to go on with. Let us continue to learn just how hot the Fire between Jairus and Thea will burn. Very Very nice work. Please continue.

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by Anonymous09/27/08

nice work (again)

Definitely on par with Ch.01! Keep writing.
-- KK in Texas

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by LaCEmajik09/27/08

This was wonderful

I liked this. I think starting the story in the manner you did was great. Definitely want to read a lot more from you.

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by Anonymous09/28/08

Quite Impressive Authoress

A different stage isn't too difficult to fathom as long as it wasn't on another planet. Some experiencing difficulty probably have lost the preceding thread to some degree.

This is quality work to which I would offer a suggestion. It is clear that you are writing this on the fly by chapter without an outline.

There is benefit in writing the entire story before releasing it by chapter. No pressure to generate the next. Then lets say you are on chapter 5 and remember or forget something said or done or not done or said in Chapter 3 [gone] which causes you to take another tact in Chapter 5 which you hadn't planned on.

Changing a plot path or character trait already established affects the flow which readers pick up on as it doesn't fit or is confusing. Credibility for the story and you falls off due to the compromise necessary to try to pick up the flow again. Continuity is a necessary element in a successful effort.

So consider how easy it would be to have total ease of access for corrections, deletions or additions to the entire story before releasing all or part of it.

It is part of the growing which many want but not all have the patience and discipline or desire to spend those to do so.

Thanks for your time and talent.

With High Regard

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by Anonymous09/28/08

Very Well Done, But....

.... there's always one, isn't there. ;-) I did find one 'Typo-By-Omission': "If old age had done anything to (him) it was make him possessive." There were also a scattering of 'Americanisms' throughout the MS. I'll email with specifics. Other than those items, the tale was very, very well done. --- One thing you might want to watch out for is over empathizing. Though your primary protagonist is female and tends to have a world view centered around how she feels, not all the characters will share that same viewpoint. This tale has the potential to be one of two things; either a Harlequin Romance (with graphic sex), or truly great saga. --- Warmest regards, Kabitzers Anonymous

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by Anonymous09/28/08

Still loving it!

Oh I can't wait to read more! Make the next chapter longer please!

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by Anonymous09/28/08

Great, more please

I disagree! I think this did live up to your first chapter.

But please, I can't wait for weeks and months between chapters.

DO NOT torture me. This was great!

You are developing a true voice and the characters are becoming more real.

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by Anonymous09/28/08

wow

Fresh and new and well written. I just discovered this new story so I waited to read both submissions before commenting. A gripping story. Held my attention, I like it alot and am fairly drooling for the next chapter.

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by abby96372709/29/08

wonderful writing

Just as well written as the first. I loved it. I love your witing style. I could read a whole novel. Please keep writing, the characters are really starting to take a very interesting shape!!!

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by ebonygriot11/18/08

Unusually high quality

In comments on this site is a sure sign of good writing. I liked your choice of how to move into the second chapter. I like to work my grey matter when exploring a new story. You created a good literary workout. You brought out a generous body of constructive criticism that is really useful for all buddying writers. Ta very much!

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by naughtynea11/28/10

just an idea....

I have been reading literotica for four years now, and by chance, I came across your stories. I just fell in love! From everything to your detailed characters to your well thought out plots, you are by far one of my favorite authors on here! YOu should gather Fire together and take it to a publisher! You would be able to reach many more people who would fall in love with your musings, who would not go to a site like this. I sincerly hope you consider this massive act and take it to heart. I cant wait to read all your stories and I hope you keep up the awesome job!
Keep on writing, sweetheart!
-NaughtyNea

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by Anonymous07/07/12

BLODDY BRILLIANT !!!

This story is captivating....mesmerizing.

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by Anonymous02/16/15

Loving it

This story is so good, enjoying every minute of it.

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