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Loved the story
Very well written. I really hope you will continue this story as it has all sorts of potential.
Belongs in another category
Ah but there isn't a category for utter crap.
'...eclectic mixture of pain and outright agony' what on earth does this mean. Eclectic means deriving ideas or style from a diverse range of sources. So the idea or style of his pain comes from a wide range of body parts? What about the reality of his pain?
A treatise on punctuation might assist you. Misused semi-colons and unnecessary commas for example.
'The Scottish nurse soothes my as I begin to writhe on the bed' an editor might have helped spot the missing word.
A nurse who flashes? I read only this week of a hospital taking disciplinary action for that.
Fluids because he's catheterised, what nonsense.
Apparently shrugging and smiling are now methods of speaking.
Was it written by a brain donor?
Well-Writ
Ignore the nay-sayers. It was well written, Crikey it held my attention all the way through. The hospital experience was believable, the transplant was hinted at throughout, and by the last third, i reckon we all knew it was a full body transplant, and then to find out 'twas a Woman's body was the twist, and so we settle down for the story to come to a quiet end.
But not in Literotica, not ever.
The lesbian question was a Kicker !!!!
Cheers,
and Thanks,
Kilroy
interresting idea
I think you could have done a LOT with this idea. The description of the coma were very interesting and well expressed. I will say, I didn't like the ending. It seemed that you just wrapped it up because you got tired of being creative. You could have made the discovery of the transplantation a bit more emotional, drew it out, let us know what it would have been like to have such a transformation occur. Then, you could have moved into the nurse and the patient experimenting, playing around, trying to get the guy used to his new body... I really liked the beginning but was disappointed with the end. I hope you rewrite the end. That's where all the excitement could have been. I'm not a nay-sayer... I'm just giving you a little constructive criticism to go along with my compliment.
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