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English
Atrocious writing
Get some writing lessons. This is virtually unreadable.
Grow Up
Can't anyone write without a "thirty-eight triple F" or larger female? I also agree your style is almost unreadable. People generally have names.
You tried but...
I tried to read your story, but I couldn't. Your sentence construction or rather lack of it make it impossible. Is English not your first language because you appear to have no grasp of basic grammar - the need for commas, verbs, subordinate clauses etc. You also seem to misunderstand the meaning of some words - it is impossible to transcend downstairs - you'd be going in opposite directions at the same time.
You obviously want to write or you wouldn't be posting stories. Find yourself a creative writing class locally which includes some basic grammatical tuition. Otherwise get yourself an editor who will be ruthless with your mistakes. It's a shame to expend so much energy on something no-one can read.
Hmm
your story isn't unreadable per say. i personally managed to read it without any problem. the paragraphs are abrupt and don't flow well. although i am pretty sure it could be amazing with a little work.
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