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More!!
More, more, for the love of God and all that's holy, MORE!
I don't usually leave comments, but this is work that deserves attention, well done!
I will say that the plot is a little cliched, but things get cliched for a reason: people love them, and you have the potential to write this better than anyone else has so far. Please, keep it up!
um yesss
yes i agree. more right now! that was awesome please keep going! and soooooooooon. like tomorrow hahaha please.
YAY!
*bounces around on seat* I have something else to look forward to now! LOL. Good plot, good storyline but longer chapters would be real nice :D And also, don't forget that when you're closing a speech you're supposed to use a comma. Example: "You're supposed to use a comma," Lillian said. You're missing that comma in some of your speeches. But, of course, I'm looking past that since it's a common error - one that you can fix quickly.
You have a good style, one I wouldn't mind seeing in three or more pages *wiggles eyebrows suggestively*, so congrats on that! 5 stars from me(: You can always throw me a message if you need any help.
Very nice start
But you knew I thought that already. Can't wait for more...These hate/love relationships can be fun to watch.
More!
O.M.G. I'm already addicted! Please, more!
Total Agreement Here!
MORE!!!!!!!! This story has me hooked completely already. The characters, story, your writing....all perfect. The only thing I can suggest is maybe just think about writing a bit longer chapters. This story has major potential to become a blockbuster on here but I was upset when it ended all too soon, lol. Now I know it might be easier said than done but maybe a minimum of at least 2 pages would satisfy the reader a bit more while also scrambling around wanting more and more. That's what happnes when a great writer posts an equally great story. We all want as much as possible! Will be looking for the next part! Can't wait!
So good!!!
WOW! I loved it! The chemistry between these two characters is HOT!!!
I can't wait for the next chapter!!
Very good start but....
please make the submissions longer
Keep going!
What an excellent place to start! Go slow though, and give your characters time to develop. Torture us, we love it!!
wow
I agree that we, as readers, love to be tortured. Build up your characters for as long as possible... but don't take a million years to update inbetween chapters.
The writing in this is good, although you sound young... which is ok because this story is about high school students. Keep up the good work!
Love Love Love
the torture....very explosive! Why can't every writer here on literotica be like you?
OOOOH
I cannot wait!
FANTABULOUS
Absolutly loved it!!! Can't wait for more!!! Please dont lave us waiting long!!!
Great!
I love the start!Can't wait for more:)
Good for a first story...
I'll continue on and see where this leads.
Great Start
A lovely start to what is certain to be a great story. Great tension and humour... can't wait to read the rest!
YES!!
Great start, can't wait to see where you go from here.
And sparks fly...
Great build-up, lots of tension. Can't wait to see where this leads!
They were both wrong in fact,
He was correct that Mary fled to England as a result of an internal Scottish religious dispute when her infant son was crowned James VI, the future James I of England. He was wrong in his reference to the British. Britain came into being after the 1707 act of union between Scotland and England over 100 years later. I like your writing style, like a John Hughes movie for vs older readers. Thanks. -- UK CYNIC.
Love, LOVE, Love it!!
I LOVE This Story, Your The Best and This is My FAV Story!! :]
I really do like it
I honestly love this story and i'd like you to know that you inspired me with it. I myself am now a beginner on this site, so I can always do with someone to look up to. Hope you dont mind being looked up to. :)
I'm a bit confused.
Why do they have such animosty towards each other ? I'm not trying sound like a jackass but do you honsetly expect me to believe that two people, who were once "good friends", turn hostlie towards each other beacuse of a awkard kiss ? I just don't know why they would suddenly turn hostel towards each other over a silly thing like that especialy the girl I mean really SHE dumps HIM over a kiss and now all of sudden SHE hates HIM ? Not to sound rude but she seems really idiotic for doing that not that the guy is not either but still. Anyways I've rambled on enouth I do think you are good author and the idea sounds nice but the way it's presented is kind of silly is all.
I would like to correct my previous assumption
I thought the reason for their so call "hatred" for each was over a silly little kiss witch led to having a falling out but now that I've read further on I have better understanding why they have that unfoturnatley my opion of the story has lessened. I find the characters of Erin and Brady to be the very thing that hurts this story the most. You keep flaunting the fact that they are oh so very "intelligent" yet they make some of the most rash and idiotic decsions ever that you just can't take them seriously. I mean Erin just jumps the gun when she hears that Brady insulted her (from a girl that was showing dissdain from them kissing might I add) and shows no hestiance in beliving it. Now whether or not Brady really said it I don't know maybe he did maybe he did'nt I don't know but that's not the point the point is that she would take the word of someone who she does not even know and treats her like shit then her own best friend. Even now when she is now a young adult she still can't get over her idiotic and hypocritical self to even patch things up with him. As for Brady I can understand that he would hold resentment for what she said about him and feel betrayed but it really gets excessive when I have to hear him call her a whore and be a cold bastard every damn chapter. I mean being as "intelligent" he is and now that he is a young adult he can't just realize what she said was an idiotic mistake and forgive her for it but instead has to result to petty and cruel name calling. Granted Erin is a prideful and spineless idiot that won't adimt to her own mistakes but still dosen't you need to spite her evey damn day and the same goes for her but towards Brady. In conclusion I think this is a pretty flawed story that could be better if you fix up a few things here and ther and I'm sorry if I offended you in anyway but I just thought I would share my fews.
good so far
good so far I love the build up and how the sexual tension is so thick between the charactars you can cut it with a knife the sex is going to hot can't wait to read more.
This guy is a bully
He needs to, I don't know -- perhaps actually have something constructive to say, instead of sad innuendo.
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