You really need someone to proof read and it would be more enjoyable. You have mistakes like mixed up sexes and comments through out. Otherwise it reminds me of some almost educated rural village Russians a hundred years ago talking.
There are times when one should remain silent after having consumed somethung horrible-tasting, in deference to the chef's feelings. Alas, this is not one of those times. You "play" is pure drivel, sorry to say. All the flowery language in the world could not disguise the horrid and hackneyed dialogue, feeble plot and reckless unreality of the greater body of work.
People simply do NOT talk that way; women do NOT generally lactate long after their children have grown into adulthood; young women do NOT lactate when they lack the hormones created from pregnancy; the likelihood of TWO whores going down a incestuous path at the same time is totally fucking unbelievable.
So here's the unvarnished truth: this "play" outright sucks. Either rewrite it or just pretend like you never wrote it at all. I, personally, would be embarrassed to have it in my catalog.
by
Anonymous10/25/08
Pay no attention to the critics
Hot, kinky, erotic, well-crafted.
by
Anonymous10/25/08
A Load Of Crap
I've read some bad stories on here, but this took the biscuit. Pathetic isnt strong enough to describe that load of drivel. You ought to be ashamed to admit you wrote this.
by
Anonymous12/23/08
Un-fucking-believable
Here's a hot bit of literary criticism for you: simply removing all emotion from your characters' dialogue does not transform your work into fine literature. You must be some kind of retarded manchild to think that soulless trash like this has any kind of artistic merit behind it.
If this really isn't some cruel joke, then please, please, never write again.
by
Anonymous12/23/08
A load of crap
This wound up being 20 minutes I'll never get back. Please, for God's sake, don't ever write again. About anything. Ever!
by
Anonymous10/17/09
crap
load of crap
by
Anonymous07/04/10
Horrible Literature
Scratch that, this isn't literature at all its crap
by
Anonymous07/22/10
hes wrong
i thought it was pretty good. a bit hard 2 follow but great story.
English
Almost intelligible.
You really need someone to proof read and it would be more enjoyable. You have mistakes like mixed up sexes and comments through out. Otherwise it reminds me of some almost educated rural village Russians a hundred years ago talking.
Sorry, but NO!
There are times when one should remain silent after having consumed somethung horrible-tasting, in deference to the chef's feelings. Alas, this is not one of those times. You "play" is pure drivel, sorry to say. All the flowery language in the world could not disguise the horrid and hackneyed dialogue, feeble plot and reckless unreality of the greater body of work.
People simply do NOT talk that way; women do NOT generally lactate long after their children have grown into adulthood; young women do NOT lactate when they lack the hormones created from pregnancy; the likelihood of TWO whores going down a incestuous path at the same time is totally fucking unbelievable.
So here's the unvarnished truth: this "play" outright sucks. Either rewrite it or just pretend like you never wrote it at all. I, personally, would be embarrassed to have it in my catalog.
Pay no attention to the critics
Hot, kinky, erotic, well-crafted.
A Load Of Crap
I've read some bad stories on here, but this took the biscuit. Pathetic isnt strong enough to describe that load of drivel. You ought to be ashamed to admit you wrote this.
Un-fucking-believable
Here's a hot bit of literary criticism for you: simply removing all emotion from your characters' dialogue does not transform your work into fine literature. You must be some kind of retarded manchild to think that soulless trash like this has any kind of artistic merit behind it.
If this really isn't some cruel joke, then please, please, never write again.
A load of crap
This wound up being 20 minutes I'll never get back. Please, for God's sake, don't ever write again. About anything. Ever!
crap
load of crap
Horrible Literature
Scratch that, this isn't literature at all its crap
hes wrong
i thought it was pretty good. a bit hard 2 follow but great story.
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