A few of your word phrasings could've been better, but on the whole, it was a lovely piece of writing. So sweet and romantic - just how I like it. :P Romance works for you. Keep writing!
by
Anonymous11/03/08
Very Good
Great story, the whole story just carries you along, a very good read indeed...
Here's the only real problem with the story: when you end a sentence of dialogue, you don't HAVE to use a period. You can use a comma. =) I think you're doing it because of the unconventional dialogue attribution ("I growled", "he groaned", and the understanding that those aren't really speech verbs. Well, 1) it's permissible for people to "speak" through those verbs in fiction; and 2) if you're having that much trouble with those verbs, maybe you shouldn't use 'em? ;)
Other than that, this is spectacular. There are a few spelling and grammar issues, but the strength of the dialogue and characterization rolls them right over. I don't know why this doesn't have the Red H yet. (Well, aside from how it probably hit the site about two minutes ago. Let me go make my contribution to your cause...)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to pillage your archives. ;D
by
Anonymous11/03/08
Cute
Obviously you got your people from Twilight...I loved it. Just be careful about using the names like that.
by
Anonymous11/04/08
Good stuff
I can even see past the use of the word - womanhood - twice. Not logical but this jars in a way that manhood does not. Apologies for the pedantry. This was a sweet tale. Thanks. -- UK CYNIC.
by
Anonymous11/05/08
I loved it!
I think you're off to a terrific start. Keep them coming! The story was sweet and romantic. My heart sank when she got the phone call. I would love to see another chapter. I look forward to reading more from you! :) kim in the usa
I thought you did a great job for your first story. There was only one thing that threw me off, make sure to edit your stuff before you submit it. Just read through and look for grammatical errors. Overall, great job! Thanks for leaving a comment on mine too ;)
English
Lovely!
A few of your word phrasings could've been better, but on the whole, it was a lovely piece of writing. So sweet and romantic - just how I like it. :P Romance works for you. Keep writing!
Very Good
Great story, the whole story just carries you along, a very good read indeed...
Slight mechanical hitch
Here's the only real problem with the story: when you end a sentence of dialogue, you don't HAVE to use a period. You can use a comma. =) I think you're doing it because of the unconventional dialogue attribution ("I growled", "he groaned", and the understanding that those aren't really speech verbs. Well, 1) it's permissible for people to "speak" through those verbs in fiction; and 2) if you're having that much trouble with those verbs, maybe you shouldn't use 'em? ;)
Other than that, this is spectacular. There are a few spelling and grammar issues, but the strength of the dialogue and characterization rolls them right over. I don't know why this doesn't have the Red H yet. (Well, aside from how it probably hit the site about two minutes ago. Let me go make my contribution to your cause...)
Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to pillage your archives. ;D
Cute
Obviously you got your people from Twilight...I loved it. Just be careful about using the names like that.
Good stuff
I can even see past the use of the word - womanhood - twice. Not logical but this jars in a way that manhood does not. Apologies for the pedantry. This was a sweet tale. Thanks. -- UK CYNIC.
I loved it!
I think you're off to a terrific start. Keep them coming! The story was sweet and romantic. My heart sank when she got the phone call. I would love to see another chapter. I look forward to reading more from you! :) kim in the usa
Good Job
I thought you did a great job for your first story. There was only one thing that threw me off, make sure to edit your stuff before you submit it. Just read through and look for grammatical errors. Overall, great job! Thanks for leaving a comment on mine too ;)
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