Good writer but nothing is happening. One or two chapters of build up is fine but 4 chapters to this point is silly. I personally will give it one more chapter to get somewhere or I'll write it off as a waste and move on to something with some content.
by
Anonymous11/15/08
Was a Good Start 2 Chapters Ago
Now its just slow and going nowhere fast. I don't care who it is no one at that age is going to allow the crap that kid is. you either need to get with it or shut it down.
I have read many stories that moved slower than this one. I hope ZaneLarson doesn't succumb to the rank criticism. It could be faster, but what the hell?
by
Anonymous11/16/08
Awesome work! :-)
Dude ur work is actually turning out fantastic n just can't wait to read of zane's next bet n eventual conquest!! :-) just one request, if u possibly can post chapters slightly quicker than it was last time?? Don't know of others, but I've been keenly waiting for d progress zane makes n a 1 month wait became slightly long n I had kinda given up tat there wld be another chapter coming till I was pleasantly surprised yesterday! :-)
Again I say, awesome work pal! :-)
Cheers,
AB
by
Anonymous11/18/08
Could use some improvement
Normally, structure and context doesn't matter to me, but this one had a decent shot, considering I liked the previous chapters. A couple things to keep in mind. Read it back to yourself once or twice. There's a big difference between our and out. Also, although most of the words were spelled right, I would recommend getting an editor or spell-checker. To listen is to hear, not to go somewhere. Other than the wrong spelling and odd choice of tense in some places, this is actually an enjoyable story.
by
Anonymous12/23/09
Give Zane some balls!
First, I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter/chapters.
Second, please give Zane some balls. His aunt and Rose had acted as though they liked him before, this treatment to a high school kid is just sadistic and cruel. Please do not have him act like a puppy and forgive and forget after he gets some ass. There are too many stories where the guy is shit on (cuckolded, humiliated, dishonored etc.) and the women cry's says I'm sorry and is forgiven.
by
Anonymous03/20/11
good job
you should tottally make another one til lik ch 15 or longer theyre interesting what else were they going to do to him u are really good at writing these stories
by
Anonymous09/09/16
STARTED OFF BEING A GOOD STORY WITH JUST HIS AUNT AND
HER FRIEND BUT THEN YOU COMPLETELY LOST THE PLOT AND INTRODUCED FAR TOO MANY WOMEN..FROM THERE IT QUICKLY WENT DOWN THE TOILET AND GOT PATHETIC...HOW TO RUIN A GOOD STORY BY GOING OVER THE TOP...
English
This series is getting annoying
Good writer but nothing is happening. One or two chapters of build up is fine but 4 chapters to this point is silly. I personally will give it one more chapter to get somewhere or I'll write it off as a waste and move on to something with some content.
Was a Good Start 2 Chapters Ago
Now its just slow and going nowhere fast. I don't care who it is no one at that age is going to allow the crap that kid is. you either need to get with it or shut it down.
Started off well....
but it is fading fast.
went downhill fast.......
...then crashed
Good Story
I have read many stories that moved slower than this one. I hope ZaneLarson doesn't succumb to the rank criticism. It could be faster, but what the hell?
Awesome work! :-)
Dude ur work is actually turning out fantastic n just can't wait to read of zane's next bet n eventual conquest!! :-) just one request, if u possibly can post chapters slightly quicker than it was last time?? Don't know of others, but I've been keenly waiting for d progress zane makes n a 1 month wait became slightly long n I had kinda given up tat there wld be another chapter coming till I was pleasantly surprised yesterday! :-)
Again I say, awesome work pal! :-)
Cheers,
AB
Could use some improvement
Normally, structure and context doesn't matter to me, but this one had a decent shot, considering I liked the previous chapters. A couple things to keep in mind. Read it back to yourself once or twice. There's a big difference between our and out. Also, although most of the words were spelled right, I would recommend getting an editor or spell-checker. To listen is to hear, not to go somewhere. Other than the wrong spelling and odd choice of tense in some places, this is actually an enjoyable story.
Give Zane some balls!
First, I am eagerly waiting for the next chapter/chapters.
Second, please give Zane some balls. His aunt and Rose had acted as though they liked him before, this treatment to a high school kid is just sadistic and cruel. Please do not have him act like a puppy and forgive and forget after he gets some ass. There are too many stories where the guy is shit on (cuckolded, humiliated, dishonored etc.) and the women cry's says I'm sorry and is forgiven.
good job
you should tottally make another one til lik ch 15 or longer theyre interesting what else were they going to do to him u are really good at writing these stories
STARTED OFF BEING A GOOD STORY WITH JUST HIS AUNT AND
HER FRIEND BUT THEN YOU COMPLETELY LOST THE PLOT AND INTRODUCED FAR TOO MANY WOMEN..FROM THERE IT QUICKLY WENT DOWN THE TOILET AND GOT PATHETIC...HOW TO RUIN A GOOD STORY BY GOING OVER THE TOP...
Lost the plot
Started off very good thinking just aunt and him but the seem to turn into orgy story rather than incest.
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