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English
Watch Your Tense
Changing from first person to third person makes the story less interesting.
Another jerk who can't describe their male hero
without giving him an oversized dickey--Grow up
Another mistake
This is another example of shit that should not even be posted. This is not a story; and the frequency of errors makes whatever this crap is unreadable.
Well the story,
does hop around a lot as you change tense. Then suddenly you're naked on the bed with a 9" cock waving around. It had the makings and could have been a good story. I needed more buildup, less mistakes and don't forget Mom and Dad is supposed to be home in a few hours. So they can't both be sleeping in the sisters bed. Please keep writing, but do more proof reading.
Next chapter?
Knock her up!
not good
the changing point of view was distracting and there was no real background and no proper end. we need to know what happens when the parents get home and the rest of the summer. do they move out together? does he go to college? does she get pregnant? this was less than half a story and that is worse than no story at all.
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