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English
Interesting story.
I hope the wife learns from her mistakes. Personally I can't see any reconciliation. But as always good story. I am looking forward to seeing what happens.
This would have been better labelled "Ch. 01"
I did not know until the end that this was a series. It's helpful if the author labels it as such. Sometimes authors take weeks to post the next chapter and it is difficult to recall the details of what has happened so far. That said, this story depicts a man who appears naive, even dumb. Does he even know the child is his, the child for whom he is sacrificing half his income? And does he really think Heather will spend the money on Polly? Prior to the marriage, it's obvious Heather was ready to fuck in the shower after supposedly pushing Drake away. That was not the behavior of a woman wanting to save her virginity until marriage. Just running from the shame of Heather's infidelity while letting her have all his hard-earned money does not seem much of a solution. She could care less who her husband is, based on her behavior. She'll have Polly, she'll have her lover Drake (who probably has a bigger weenie), and she'll have the money. The only one being punished is Jesse -- he has run away and lost everything! He has no pride left; he's a cuckold and everyone knows it. He has no dreams left. He can't even be a part of his daughter's life, so he has lost her too. What is there to live for? He could go "postal" and show the town what happens when a man is pushed too far. Instead he looks like he is planning to join the Foreign Legion, which is no escape at all -- I'll be interested to see where this leads . . .
You have written a good low life story of a woman
with almost no brains and man with a good heart but low in intelligence. She is a trained RN, since when do receptionist at any company make more than fully qualified nurses. Well some do but then they are paid whores for the company. I guess what is going on here is that she is the paid whore and wanted to go play that night. The scene described on her front porch was not of a woman telling the guy no but a woman playing up to the guy. At every turn this man has let her play him and if that is your plan for the story you can end it now. I get the feeling since she is still living in the trailer and her family has not "recued" her over the period of time you are planning on letting him forgive and forget her. The old forgive and forget scene based on I didnt do anything, he got me drunk and fucked me, him and his buddies. I love you and you have to take me back to raise our kid. And shit for brains would believe her. Lets play some things back. First how did she get into a trailer to make love to him when she didnt know he had bought it? Why was she wrapped around Drake at the front door that night? Why did she insist they go to the party and not go with her husband as he asked. Why did the friends say she was in a snit, not listening and playing around Drake and his friends? Why would she get drunk around a bunch of men and not her husband? No one forced her to get drunk. No one forced her to play with Drake. She never had to keep the job at the construction site. Were I the husband I would have the childs DNA tested before I sent a dime. The wife has proven by her actions before and now she cant be trusted. She lives the life of a whore why would you expect her not to be a whore. The beating should have been reported to the police. He should have taken the child with him, it is "his" child, he has that option. He should have gone to her parents and informed them what was going on and telling them he could not leave the child there, he feared for her safety with a mother that got so drunk and hanging with men that did what they did. Your story is to much of an immature little boy thinking his wife loved him and of what amounts to a slut wife playing him. Why publish a story and not say it was part of a series, I would not have read it if I had known. He could sneak into town on evening, fire a rifle from a secluded spot end Drake's life and then disappear again.
Chapter fucking 1
How fucking hard is it?
A crime was committed
Celt I love most of your stories, this one not so much. He was forcibly confined and that is a crime. Where is the law? In Canada a woman can not give consent when she is drunk, so there is also rape. I agree that I would have never married her in the first place. Anyone can tell the difference between a forced kiss and consent. So if you saw her actively kiss the other guy, she is of no value as a wife. Chances are she has been cheating on him from the beginning. Why I don't know, she makes more money than him so it can't be for that. She show utter contempt when he said he would not go to the party. She said she was going, I would have said then you are not returning, your choice. This guy is a wimp and not very appealing the story needs a hero and he is not cutting it. I agree he seems stupid, dumb and ignorant. And maybe that is why she cheats.
every story you write,you act like wimp
you so bad and you let them have their way.which is it going to be,a stand up guy or a wimp.call police or did something.just run away like some woman.
Celt.............
First I apologize for the 50%, because I normally don't give the first part ratings, I like to rate the story at the ending based on the "whole" story, but I wanted to say this based on what comments I've read so far.
I see the main characters slightly different than some of the commenters here:
Jesse (the husband): The character seems to have been created to be way prideful. In this characters case its a good and bad thing. Bad because he jumped Heather and Drake in front of her apartment instead of talking to them. It embarrassed Drake (creating a situation where he wanted to get even with Jesse) and created seeds of distrust in Jesse, because he never knew how far Heather and Drake would have went because he never let her get that far. Even though he was working "hard" for his families future, he never stopped to factor them into what he was doing. The story gave him tunnel vision, enough that he was going weeks without having sex with his wife, and spending any real time with her. Also after being throughly assaulted by Drake and his friends, after trying to stop his wife from having sex with Drake while she was so drunk, he left before he confirmed what his wife was doing the night he was assaulted. Thus the story seemed to be designed to make him appear as a coward as well.
The only bright spot in his character was that he was determined to provide for his child regardless of what it took. He wasn't going to be in his daughters "life" (which is another negative) but he was going to make sure she didn't want for anything. So that he wasn't a total deadbeat. But the main character gets created as a man with too much pride and not enough common sense.
I'm not sure I like this character. It seems he was created as neglecting his family while claiming he was doing it to save them.
Heather (the wife): While everyone so far pointed out some things I noticed, she really is shaping up to be the victim by the end of the story. Here's why I say that: She has a neglectful husband who, while is hard working, is forgoing sex, alone time, and attention while they are young to provide for them. He's working all the overtime he can get his hands on. While it will provide for their future, he's doing nothing for her now. And she's feeling lonely, put-off and unloved. It like it was trying to say her character was put in the position of where "if" she cheated, it would be before she knew it because the husband put her in that position.
But the story then further created a situation where if he hadn't been so inflexible and spent some time with her after she told him how she felt so far about him leaving her feeling left out, he still refused to do something she wanted. The problem I have with this approach in the story is that let her keep blinders on to his feelings as well. He offered a compromise and she didn't want to accept his counter offer. It was her way or no way, even though his original offer was to do nothing.
So to me, so far, the story is giving the "appearance" he wasn't willing to meet her needs, but instead it downplays that while the majority of the time he wasn't observant enough to see he was ignoring his families needs for his time now, his wife was laying the groundwork for a divorce. She should have sat him down and talked with him instead of trying to punish him by soothing her own hurt feelings.
After a person is drunk they (the wife) has no real control, but the same person has the enough control to "not" put themselves in that state to begin with. That's what I have a problem with. I equate that with driving down the road with a blindfold on then claiming when they hit someone it wasn't their fault because the car was out of their control.
But I somehow bet by the end of the story she'll have done nothing with Drake, and after Jesse's beating if she hasn't had sex with Drake(or even if she has) someone (the wife, the couple who was there, her father, etc) will convince Jesse that the majority of what happened was his fault, he was a jerk, he had too much pride, how could he leave his daughter, and some how she was the victim of Drake planning (even though she willing put herself in the position with both eyes wide open), and ever since he left her she's been living the life as a Nun waiting for him to return. Possibly she'll have quit her old job, gotten a new job, had nothing further to do with the people that work there, and/or sued Drake for attempted rape. She'll have kept the money in the bank waiting for him to return so they can "both" buy and live in their dream house together.
But I can be wrong, but it just feels like this is what is going to happen (^_^)
-Risq
Good first chapter
When I got to the end of this chapter I felt highly frustrated because I thought I was going to have a flash story. Please follow Vulcan's suggestion and indicated in the heading that it is an incompleter. I probably would have waited to read it at one sitting.
Risc has said just about everything about the people. I have a little more affection for Jesse and am doing my best to suspend judgement on Heather. Though my feeling was that he was fool to marry her after first what he saw and second the whitewash job she tried to sell him. I agree that there was a continuity problem because she was not supposed to even know about the trailer when she came wandering into the trailer. Furthermore there was discussion about her condition on the wedding night. We have to agree that her behaviour in the bar was more than strange and that she should have accepted the compromise that she offered and never gotten to where we would have a story.... Someone has to blunder to make a story... Hey, how about they gave her coca-cola laced with date rape drug? They could have even used an innocent friend to take it to her.. That would explain her presence and the her peculiar smile. I do not think that one has to commit suicide just because someone
close does something very stupid. The only alternative to what he did would be to wait for her the next day and tell you were leaving Dodge because he had no future there. She could sell off the trailer and join him in the new place and try and work things out or sit on the trailer and bank account as she did in the story. Her folks have money and if he is sending money monthly they could easily hire a PI to find through the money trail. So it does not sound to me as if she was into reconciliation. She continues to be, do it my way or I won't play and I would never feel guilty about leaving her after her sitting through my beating. Of course,
if she was drugged.... Please post the remaining chapters on a daily basis and tell us how many there will be...
Redneck Wimps
I never thought I'd ever use those two words together.
I don't know why but this protagonist just pissed me off.
He sounds like a grade A LOSER. He CRIES just cause the woman he loves is making out with someone else. I can't think of any of my mates crying since we all turned 12.
No anger, and then he forgives her even though he knows he shouldn't...
I'd say he deserves better, but he's the type of wimp that deserves to be miserable.
I guess that writing this from the point of view of trailer trash gains no sympathy from me.
So he forgot to put a chapter #
you act like the world will end. While I don't allways agree with your stories I've allways enjoyed them & some make a person think thanks for putting in the effort it is appreciated by most of us.
Good First Chapter!
Hi Celt, Good first chapter. It looks like you could take it any number of directions. On the one hand, you could make it a good "Consequences" story. On the other, we just don't know what was behind Heather's attitude about smiling while her husband was getting the crap beat out of him. It could have been booze or drugs or both or she could just be an evil bitch who had wanted Jesse to go with her in the first place so that her lover boyfriend could have him beat up. One thing that doesn't square though is that the one thug told Jesse that his wife "belonged to Drake tonight" and that he would have her back tomorrow. Leaving everything else aside, it seems that both Jesse and Heather have individual issues. One is that they "married out of their stations". She comes from money and he not so much. I usually read your stories and look for opportunities for reconciliation between the warring parties. So far in this story any way, it doesn't look like that is much of a credible option and it probably would be best for both of them to pursue their separate ways. But this your tale and we look forward to your next chapter to see where you take us.
Fine story-stupid lead characters
I think you are one of the bet writers on this site, but do you always have to make your hero and heroine so unbelievably stupid?
the Ct. Yankee
a great start
This is a great start to what should be a Celt success! I look forward to the continuation of the story. Celt has established the tone of the story with the husband now as the underdog; I hope that he comes out of this dilemma victorious. RAG
a great start
This is a great start to what should be a Celt success! I look forward to the continuation of the story. Celt has established the tone of the story with the husband now as the underdog; I hope that he comes out of this dilemma victorious. RAG
I really hate to say this but your hero is one
dumb son of a bitch. He was right to leave all his money for the kid that never should have been born but was because the dumb ass married the whore even tho he knew that she was a whore...And as he said (She could explain to our two-year old why her daddy was no longer there. Let her try!) Doesnt the dumb ass realize that the whore slut bitch will say what ever she wants to..Boy is he dumb...did you intend for him to be a dumb ass or is this just your own mind thinking too much?
what a dumb ass
not a bad story but the hero is a dumb fuck, why the hell would he leave her any money or plan to send any? He's still going to be a cuckold whether he divorces her or just leaves. Let her keep the trailer and take the money, she works to, let her support the kid its probably not even his.
Dumb dumb dumb
I can hardly believe the premise that he'll go away and send half his salary to his wife until his daughter is EIGHTEEN. This strains credulity a bit much.
He is a cuckold and a wimp. He ran away. A two.
What A Crappy Ending
Too bad.
Loving it
A very powerful storyline. Five stars.
I hate a story built on stupid!
And you forgot to mention that this must be the sleaziest, most lawless town in the country.
Thoughts
Why did she go to Drake after Jesse decked him?
And then just sits and smiles when Drake decked Jesse!
And where were HIS friends while Drake's friends were ganging up on him?
Polly
He should have put the money in a trust for Polly so that Heather couldn't get at it!
Second time through...
Still five stars. Still loved it. Still a favorite.
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