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an exciting chapter, sex and violence, excellent
What more could want, sex and violence is what made Hollywood.thanks for another good chapter with explicit sex. I think the little girl is having more of a single personality mindset and losing the demon that's in her head ....Rich
Can not Please everyone, can you!
When I wrote my story (The Adventure), there where some who thought it was their job in life to tear down my story. I found they however, had never submitted one story. I wondered how they became such experts? Anyway, I like your style. It is different - which is good. It took a while, but now I feel like I know the players in the story. The denial, and finally the accepting of the mental problems of his Ex wife which he loves. Real love is willing to help those you love - even to losing your own life. This is where we find him in this story. He is willing to try anything to help his Ex wife. And at this point, it looks like he is beginning to win the war. But with the mental problems his ex wife has - all bets are off for a peaceful life with her. I would not even try to guess where your great story is heading. Looking forward to the next part.
Sharing4atime
I Don't know about anyone else but I
I like this story. Overblown? YES Completely unbelievable? PERHAPS Do men and women think like this? Who knows? But as a work of fiction it is well written and a very engrossing story. I may not agree with the writers ideas or mindset but that is me and anyway it's her story let her write it how she wants to. And to the those who have moaned about the ideas in the story try writing story for them selves trust me on this I know how hard it is.
Enjoying the twist and turns
This story is over the top buy I am enjoying reading all the plot twists.
silly observations
5Can not Please everyone, can you!
12/07/08 by Sharing4atime in USA
When I wrote my story (The Adventure), there where some who thought it was their job in life to tear down my story. I found they however, had never submitted one story. I wondered how they became such experts?
+++++++++++++++
How do you explain the fact that people --- researchers, in other words, EXPERTS --- who study how poison from wild animals and insects (as well as plants) work in our body NEVER get to see the real poisonous animals/insects/plants in the wild?
You don't have to "know" or BE Socrates or Chomsky or Nash or Shakespeare to know they are/were extremely bright, do you?
And by using the same line of reasoning, you DON'T have to write any silly so-called story and post it here in Literotica --- in other word, you don't have to be an "expert" on story writing --- TO KNOW whether or not a so-called story is good, believable, or idiotic!
I've read a few stories here that, with a little more polish, could be published in a book form. But roughly speaking 99 percent of the stories here are just plain bad and unbelievable. But let me clarify it for YOU, the noted poster/writer above here: ---
you can write FANTASTICAL stories and people can suspend their sense of reality and go along with the flow of the story, if it is well plotted and well executed, on the one hand...
on the other, you can write about wiping your ass in the bathroom, an act with all of us do it on a daily basis and we all KNOW it is real, and still most would not believe you, if you say things like, "I wave my magic hand and all the excrement around my orifice just disappear into magical land and I am cleaner than a whistle! no need for old tissues made from trees and chemicals..."
You gotta use your goddamn head, brotha; that's why it's on top of your shoulders!
Oh such a thriller. A crazy woman, a wimp
of a man, a used lesbian, and an old man who will have them hunted down and killed. So much nonsense. I am surprised in the middle of the ride you didnt have M change to E and fight them to free the rich bastard. Oh yes, I remember M was killed off long ago by him fucking a hooker and this is pure E using the M voice. Leave out the sex scenes and violence and you have a third grade story for kids, no wonder you have a babbling audience that loves it. I am still waiting to see how you get his out of the impossible black hole you have put it in. Maybe the next scene will be in South America or Africa where the three have run to escape the killers?
Continues to be Great
Well it may not be Hemingway or Faulkner, but it is significantly better than a lot of the other stories I have read on Literotica. This is erotic literature written, I think, very well. Many of the stories on Literotica are not as well thought out as this one.
If you don't like it, don't read it. But, for those of us who do I think it's great.
Better...
I was afraid the story had gone off the tracks. You handled the "danger scene" very well. Your story is so good, I run to check if there is an update first thing in the morning. Good job. Keep up the good work.
Once upon a time . . . .
I'm having problems integrating this part of the story into the other chapters. Enthwistle is so powerful, apparently, that he does not fear a rape charge or assault charges, kidnapping charges, the list goes on and on. Now why can't Erica go to an ER, any hospital ER by the way, and have the nurse/doctor use a rape kit to get some DNA evidence on Enthwistle? Even if he did not climax inside her, there should still be traces of his DNA in her vaginal secretions for a while (pre-cum, abraded skin cells, etc.). There should also be some traces of his cum on her skin which a swab would pick up. The tests are quite sensitive. I don't see how he could fight a rape charge (marks from the restraints on her wrists and ankles show lack of consent, not to mention all the character witnesses she could provide who would testify she is a confirmed lesbian who would never voluntarily put herself into a position to be tied, fucked, etc. even if Enthwistle tries to wiggle out of it by saying she wanted a fantasy . . . ). Bruce should have a nice lump on his scalp (and again, marks on his wrists from the ropes) which would verify any assault charges he might like to pursue. But I'll wager the next part of the story has them doing no such thing as filing charges and/or securing evidence against those who assaulted them. Why do I predict this? Well, it has been the pattern in the story so far. Lacking common sense, Bruce the coward/wimp/cuckold/effeminate who can't do anything for himself (how the Hell can he succeed in business where ruthlessness and the willingness to be cut-throat are prerequisites?) will, as usual, do nothing. Maybe the strong women will do something? I've got it, a threesome. Erica can have Estelle, Bruce can have Myriam (when Estelle has climaxed sufficiently to be satisfied). The three of them will live happily ever after!
This is laughable
Not tearing the story down --Just telling the facts!
good start --let-down after Chapter 4 --Stupid and unbelievable after that! what the devil is wrong with ths writer?
I Give Up
I love your writing, but I am getting an ulcer reading about idiot Bruce. None could be as stupid and incompetent as this dumb bastard.Why would either of these women have any iterest in this ass-hole?
the Ct. Yankee
Bruce, the idiot, will do
anything for a crazy woman and a lesbian. He should get away from all of them. Now he will probably lose his job and the police will be after him for kidnapping, asult with a deadly weapon and anything else they can think of. All this for a woman, Bruce is not an idiot, he is crazy.
I agree with Up North
Excellent chapter I thought! Yes like Up North I was worried last chapter or two it was going off the rails but this one was really good and well put together. Can't wait for the next one
not even worth commenting on EXCEPT
to say that whoever made the post in chapter 8 about the HUGE dropoff in readers feedback/ comments in this awful story... must surely be aware that as of sunday late in the evening ONLY 15 folks had bothered to comment.
to go from 46 comments in chapter 4 to 15 ... in 5 days... speaks for itself
Amazing
I've only been motivated to give feedback on only 1 other story in the years of reading Literotica.
I _loved_ this story!
While I do not see myself as one that could be as love-struck as Bruce is (I would have dumped her and gone on with my life), I enjoyed how he refused to let her go.
Johnie . . .
. . . Miss Brown rides to the rescue. This was a quick, '50s TV western, thirty minutes start to finish and the good guy gets the girls in the end even though they did all the work. We still have time for commercials.
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