All Comments on 'Two's a Crowd Ch. 12'

You write very well. However, Your male "heroes" generally leave a lot to be desired. This one allowed himself to be manipulated just like the others. Maybe in your next story you will show us a different type of "man".

Boyd

You spent a lot of time working and explaining all the characters and then as an epilogue you give us this short few paragraphs? I guess I would have preferred more on Bruce, and more on how Myriam/Estelle or whatever name she now goes by and what she is doing with Erica. You allude that she is now even more of a caricature of woman than before, turned into a gross feminine plaything by Erica. After 11 chapters, I expected a little more I guess.

so after all this the... Bruce has finally moved on.,

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Only he hasnt.

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When he THINKS he sees Myriam the whore he decides to "pop the question" to Rachel.

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..." I had to honey..."

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In other words Bruce only asks his new Girlfriend to marry

him Because Myriam is around. Bruce does NOT love Rachel.

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can you imagine what Rachel says a few hours or a few days later???

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<i>...Um Honey who was that woman we saw at Mall?...

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oh she was my ex wife.

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what?? She looked like call girl

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well actually she was. But I didnt know it at the time.

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Oh honey that must of been awful for you. what happened?

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well she was working as a high paid escort for several year and I never knew it.

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um Bruce how is THAT possible?

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well you see... </i>

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and 5 mnutes later Rachel says .. <i>"um Bruce you know that Marriage thing ? Lets call it off .</i>

Perhaps it was a "idealistic" thought to thinks this author had an agenda that was "none male hatred" and wimpy but this author has demonstrated that consistent bullshit is still bullshit. What a friggin waste of talent/

I'm shocked. Shocked!

what happen with after his meeting with erica and myr? he should have gotten payback on the both of them.

was that. Total cop out as far as any real resolution is concerned. Look i think your an excellent writer that has an amazing ability to paint pictures with words, but in no way does that absolve you from having to actually have something to say in order for that picture to have any value. You spent eleven chapters taking us on a ridamndiculous journey of mythical proportions and then for some insane reason you can't even be bothered to write a conclusion. I'm not even asking for a he-man women hater ending where Bruce finally realizes he actually has balls and takes somebody down, no i just want you to leave retarded cliffhangers to badly written sitcoms and day time soap operas. Good stories have a beginning, middle, and END and no amount of writing prowess is ever going to change that.

Cliff

Love it that Bruce finally grew up and was able to leave the tramp behind, but this chapter could have been more creative. A lot of loose ends just dangling left the entire story with a feeling of incompleteness. Of course, Angiquesophie likes that in her stories! LOL!

I've been following this story, and was looking forward to it

being tied up after Bruce's long, and tortuous journey.

But just when things reach a climactic point where you think the 'hero' of the story is finally forced to take some action...it just stops, no explanations, no wrapping up, and with these few paragraphs? Horribly unsatisfying as an end to such a long tale. I hate leaving a negative comment, but after following something so engrossing, even to those 'commenteers' who complained throughout every chapter, I

just have to say, I felt insulted as a reader.

first, i want to thank everyone who took the

time to read and appreciate my story for what it

was intended to be: a story.

second, i want to thank all the critical readers

who took their time to give me their honest

opinions and suggest improvements where i obviously

let them down.

and last, i'd like the rest to know that i have no

intention to ever start pleasing the unpleasable...

if that is a word at all.

A,

Unpleaseable? It's a word now. Your story, which I have been waiting to see the end come before I read it, is my kind of story, i.e., the happy ending--sort of. I am certain I am going to love it.

You have my vote.

Mat Moreau

Had no idea how it was going to end, but that was as good as any other.

Thanks for a good read, but now what am I going to do every morning when I get to the office?

The presumption is that Bruce somehow ends up doing OK. But we must assume a lot. The terms "Wall Street" and "Main Street" come to mind -- these refer to the effects of the current U.S. recession and the concept of an almost-fantasy portion of the economy (not real to many Americans) vs. the truly tangible, every day part of the economy that touches most who have "blue collar" jobs and who must deal with actual money, not "play" money. I feel there is an analogy here. "Two's a Crowd" is a very well written story that belongs in the fantasy realm, not the real world. Firstly, the main character should go through a change, he/she should develop, but Bruce is the same, naive, wimpy, beaten person who really does not characterize a male who has risen far in the business world. The violence done him (both physical and psychological) goes unpunished, in fact, no charges are filed. When a student can get a professor fired by the simple allegation of racism, harassment, or the like, it is inconceivable that Bruce, who was restrained against his will, threatened, assaulted, and so forth (by Enthwistle and his ilk) would take no action and do nothing about it. Secondly, much of the story is incomplete. After all, the story is supposed to be through Bruce's eyes, from his perspective, and should be about his evolution as a person. But we know nothing about his resignation from his job (how can he really expect to get another when he won't get a good recommendation from his former boss -- Onslow, or whatever his name is?), we know nothing about the resolution of his relationships with Erica and Myriam (he is still not over Myriam based on his reaction in the clothing store), and we know little about his present state of mind or current relationship. I see no tangible evidence that Bruce has developed as a person. Thirdly, it is said that women view life via their relationships -- indeed, eleven chapters of this story center around such -- but at the end of this story, the relationships are a mystery. I agree with other comments about loose ends. I feel as if I've traded a mystery stock on Wall Street with play money from a Game of Monopoly rather than having purchased a tool from Sears with real money (a tool to repair my broken step at home). The category "Loving Wives" somehow does not seem to fit this particular story.

All along I have read how this writer is excellent and writes a great story. All along I have wondered how this writer would get themself out of the blackhole she has written herself into. Well folks a good writer has a good plot and has closure. This writer skipped around and changed plot lines all the way. Not only that she brings no closure and Vulcan spells that out. Put bluntly this writer never pulls the story out but lets it die a whimper. Not only that but each and every plot line never comes to a conclusion. It is as the writer has now come down off whatever they were taking and cant figure out what they were writing about in the first place. The blackhole remains a blackhole and the writer man know a lot of words and grammar but does poorly in the formation and execution of the story. Which category does this story belong in, why bin 13 of course.

you had Me till the end . It was a very big let down. what happened? Did the girls seduce his new bride, did they leave him alone , what?

I have waited til the end to tell you - Plot was Ok -but I have tell you -Rambled -senseless -weaving the tale too much and just plain didn't make sense!!

How anything ended, who did what, who died, who lived, how they met, what he is doing now, nothing just it's done. Lot's of writers here have great starts, not many have great finishes. Like this, you feel cheated.

I generally have liked angiquesophie's stories, with a few exceptions. I started out liking this one, and I was eager to read each new installment. But as the story went on, it grew more and more improbable and unsatisfying. I kept hoping that since angiquesophie is a talented writer she'll manage to save it somehow, but these end chapters are the worst of all. I don't mind Bruce getting burned and losing Myr, in and of itself. But it's the way it happened that's so maddening. Nothing makes sense if you spend any time thinking about it. For instance, Bruce's involvement in the plot against the senator family was completely unnecessary, since Myr already had the ultimate in with that family (by actually becoming part of the family!) and would have had ample opportunity to get what was needed without him. In fact, there was really no telling how Bruce would react or what chance event might befall them during their crazy scheme, such as a guard coming by, so to spend two years leading to such a wacky scheme makes no sense either. Erica being Myr's secret lover all those years doesn't make sense, either. If that was the case and Erica and Myr loved each other so much, then why the hell didn't Myr just get divorced years earlier in a normal fashion and run off with Erica? Erica had her stay married on the off chance that Bruce could be used as an unnecessary clueless pawn in some hairbrained scheme years and years later? Come on! Angiquesophie tries to tie up the many loose ends by presenting Erica as pure evil (with Myr ending up being just as evil for happily going along with Erica's schemes), but that's a total cop out. The degree of evil Erica and Myr would have to be is simply absurd. If either of them were truly that evil, it would have come out in various ways big and small and neither would have been able to maintain a normal facade so for long. Basically, it turns out that the two of them have been emotionally torturing Bruce for years for no apparent reason (since his role in the senator scheme was completely unneccessary) except for the fun of watching him suffer. And this is someone that Myr happily married and loved and who did absolutely nothing to wrong her or Erica. I would challenge the author to explain why Erica at least is that evil, but of course she can't because no back story can be constructed to explain Erica since such a character can't exist. (I'm not saying people that evil don't exist, they do, and the boss is plausible as such, but there are too many contradictions in how Erica is presented for her to hold up under close examination.) Bruce also does not hold up as a coherent character. In some ways he seems competent and determined in getting what he wants, but in the end he's a total wimp. What does he do after he finds out that he's been given the reaming of a lifetime by Myr, Erica, and his boss? It would be almost inhuman not to at least try to get revenge on at least one of them, but the author conveniently cuts the story off right when the issue of revenge would have logically come up, robbing him of the chance to even ponder doing something. It's like everything has been rigged in the most improbable ways to make sure Bruce gets completely screwed at every turn. In short, the whole thing is a confusing mess, and the more one thinks about it, the more it all falls apart. I've read hundreds of stories on Literotica, and I can't remember ever feeling so let down by a story, because it starting out intriguing and then the later chapters undercut everything one thought had potential. For instance, having Myr be a pawn of the pure evil Erica renders all of Myr's dual personality psychodrama completely moot. A well written story can have a surprise twist or twists that leaves the reader impressed. Erica plotting with Myr had the potential to be such a twist. But the way it was done, I feel like the author cheated and bent the characters and the plot to force the story to a place it didn't belong. This story had the potential to be great. For instance, earlier in the story, Bruce mentioned that Myr had his heart and he begged her to set it free so he could get over her. This story could have ended with Myr actually loving Bruce but realizing that she was too screwed up to be the wife he needed, so she deliberately fucked things up so his heart could be set free. That would have been a tragic, emotional, and meaningful ending, full of interesting food for thought. Then her erratic behavior all along would have made sense, more or less. Maybe that's what the author was trying to achieve with the epilogue, by attempting to show that Bruce is over Myr and can move on, but if so, it's a failed attempt based on what happened a chapter earlier. By making Myr a pawn of Erica from years and years earlier, we're robbed of all that meaning, and the whole story turns into a sadistic Bruce bashing for no apparent reason. Kudos to the author for trying something ambitious, but unfortunately it ended up a big flop. Angiquesophie, I suggest getting your stories proofread for content as well as typos, using Literotica's many eager and very useful editors. Sometimes other eyes can spot glaring plot holes and problems that the author can't see.

What happened between the end of chapter 11 and

chapter 12???????????

for finally putting an end to your embaressing parade of caricatures.

There should have been some sort of payback for Erica and Myr. This last chapter seems totally out of place.

Angi, if that is your name. Don't ever try to write to please the jerks who are out there, screaming their distaste at you to please themselves. Your writing is too good to let them put you down. Every story doesn't have to please everyone, but yours seem to please me a lot, every time, even if they don't end the way I might like them to.

So, Keep it up....I look forward to the next one. And Thanks!

CZ

If everyone is so upset I would suggest a few people write alternate chapters to the last two. I would love to read them for a different perspective.

There was payback. Myriam in all her glory no longer had his attention. She had finally been discarded. OKOK, so you all wanted them burned down...me too. Sometimes evil people get away with it, and the best thing we can do is to leave them behind. If you've never experienced that situation, you might not understand.

the ending was a mercy killing, as it should have been. I said I would not finish this rubbish of a story, back at the end of "9", and I didn't. But I did want to see how this author would pull this out of her backside to end it. Look, to the author, I/we all know you can and have done better, so just keep up the better of your work. ;)

I enjoyed this story, but I am going to re-read the whole thing to clarify some questions. Yours is a different perspective to most of those who read this category, and you bring a new slant to it. I do feel that the last two chapters did not do justice to your tale. It is clear to me that you wanted to show that Bruce had moved on, but there was still a little part of his heart that held on to a wish. It was his intent to propose before he saw the cypher. However, to my mind there are a few inconsistencies surrounding the main character of your story, Myriam. Nevertheless thank you for your writng.

<p>........This time I decided to at least sit down and read one from start to finish to make sure I wasn't being unfair.</p>

<p>I'm going to apologize up front, I'm not trying to slam you, so I'll try to keep it in the realm of why I have a problem with the story generally and stay away from personal attacks</p>

<p>To me the characters don't seem real or make sense.</p>

<p>- For example: The male lead (and other male supporting characters) seem to be devoid of common sense, or self preservation, and in all of them some form of "basic <i>human</i> dignity. Now often times some folks confuse dignity with the negative form of pride, saying that the man's "pride" kept him from doing what they feel is the right thing, but males don't go "cry" to their wives if a situation doesn't work out the way they want or feel it should. In the first chapter of this story, the reader finds the male lead crying openly, during a confrontation where he waited up all night on the couch for his wife to come home after seeing her out with another man until the next morning, that didn't make sense. I can personally say that I've yet to see or hear or a husband that sees his wife cheating decides to go home and wait till she's done to just "talk" to her about why she felt the need to do that.</p>

<p>But in the story when he finds out his wife is cheating on him, he confronts her, demands an explanation, and when she won't give him a straight answer he starts "crying" and says until you decide to tell me the truth I'm moving out? Huh? To me, this part seemed to read to me that he was acting more as a "spoiled brat" than someone upset because his wife was breaking her marriage vows to him. Almost as if the sex was a fraction of why he was upset. Like the act of her having sex with other unknown males was far less important than her telling him what he wanted to hear about why she felt the need to do it. Or another way I saw it was as if he was almost saying: "If you won't play my way I'm taking my toys and going home till you do what I want." But that's just one example of many in this story.</p>

<p>Also the story had the husband <b><i>constantly</i></b> going back time after time to be there for his ex-wife, even after he set up a gangbang in which she out did herself doing countless things she refused him during marriage, for hours on end, and after witnessing that he still kept seeing her. How is any "male" reader supposed to feel anything for this guy. At first you feel bad, then you feel sorry, but by chapter 3 the average male reader is just disgusted with the characters actions. He stops seeming real, and you just don't like him. And if you stop liking the main characters, the story stops being enjoyable. At least to me anyway.</p>

<p>But then there are the female "leads" (used loosely). The problem with them, is (at least the way I see them) they are created to be "strong" females, that even while they are screwing over the men, they still seem to come out on top. Why is that?? There are so many stupid screwed up things in our lives we see daily, why would we want to read about what I can watch on TV or see at work any day of the week?</p>

<p>The wife in the story "claims" multiple personality disorder, but by chapter 11 the husband seems to doubt that. He believes she did it because she wanted too, and basically came up with this as a defense to get away with it. Then there is Erica. She played the husband for a fool. She found the husband at the country club, pretended to be his friend, all while she was sleeping with his wife/ex-wife, was the cause of his divorce because she turned his wife into a call girl, and at the end of the story her and the wife are sitting laughing at the pitiful wreck the husband ends up being for not being smart enough to stop them. Personally I fail to see how this makes them strong, but that's how I felt the story was trying to take their character development</p>

<p>But to sum it up, it felt like most other stories I've skimmed that were written by you. The males are stupid, or sleazy, or they stand around waiting for the women in their lives to quit screwing them over, while the women take everything they can while laughing at the men for being so gullible to wait for them while they do it. I'm not knocking your style, but that's really the best way to sum it up. And I'm willing to bet the average male (but I know there are a few hold outs) won't like this type of story.</p>

<p>The man doesn't have to dominate or repress a woman for most readers to like to like a story, but if you create unlikeable characters, like most of the males in your story are, then you have an S&M story that most readers tend to avoid.<p>

<p>Again, sorry I really don't like this style of writing, but I did try to give it an honest attempt =(</p>

-Risq

Erica in order to carry out her profession. It was nice that Bruce did not take the bait and remained faithful to Rachel. Happy for the Ending and now everyone can move on with their life including the author.

I've noted this in an email but to expand: I think you have a terrific gift for words, for painting vivid portraits, for portraying intense emotions and for creating genuinely intriguing characters. Your plots, however, are hackneyed leftovers from bad romance novels. Your interest seems to be in characters with obsessions of love (and hate) and characters who are genuinely torn in two by twisted psychology. You should explore that further and more directly. For example, you write so well I would have enjoyed this story more if it were a series of encounters between the two main characters with side advice from others, without the leering Entwhistles or strange, improbable betrayals by the Ericas of your stories. I would trust that ability and simplify. I would really draw out that portrait of the obsession. For example, you have a guy in this story who is obsessed with a nutcase but you don't go into his why's; he's only portrayed as tortured by love and humiliation and regret. Why? You don't say and that would have been more interesting. Maybe he should be grappling with his own psychology, with why he was blind, why he can't let go. What is in his past? In his mind that he's so twisted. You show the woman's obsession in a few scenes - the one in which she tears up stuff is very well done, as was the one with the mother - but she becomes a device in the plot and that weakens the character's impact in the end. To sum up, you miss the opportunity to show how the one character untwists his mind and finds himself and that plus the twisted plot lines diminish the impact of the other becoming even more twisted. You have a gift. I urge you to push harder .

the writer himself did not find out of his story and with a subtle note in the end he is showing (Rachel is another whore he met through Erica somewhere in the middle of the story)that dumb stays dumb. to bad the writer got bored with his own story. but then it allready was his rotten plot and now it has that rotten end.

I agree with the previous reply by cloacas. You have a real talent for writing and I believe you can do much, much better work. This story, which started with an intriguing premise and characters, went nowhere. By the end I was left with admiration for your writing but equally very disappointed that you seem to have wasted your writing talents in a non-story.

Cheer, AngeloM

This ending leaves a hell of a lot to be desired. Why did you not end your story after the preceeding chapter. In fact, the ideal ending would have been for Bruce to shoot the two bitches in the preceding chapter.

the Ct. Yankee

you used up enough space for your

well known opinion on my writing.

now please go write some yourself.

what a wasted opportunity to finish this yarn of properly, it comes across as you just lost interest and couldn't be arsed doing any more.

No other author generates such response! This is fiction and it is obvious that she (hottie, see Bio!) is one smart lady...think of how much of our time she had us spend reading her stories and waiting for the next chapter!...if she ever goes "mainstream" we will all buy her book and "not" tell anyone we knew her "when"! Admit it, giver her her due, and be glad we have the opportunity to read her "stuff". angiquesophie...thanks, please write more quickly! Thanks!

V/r,

L

My only critique is that I wish this had been submitted in, say, 3 parts. The ongoing 12 part submission came across as kind of a never-ending soap opera. That said, like a soap opera, this series was a bit addicting and always seemed to end each chapter with a twist.<p>In terms of plot, I was glad to see our protagonist finally hook up with a different and presumably normal woman. Our schizophrenic female lead had too few redeemable qualities to merit the emotion that was invested in her.

I liked this story until the end. I would have expected so

kind of payment from the two women that were so wrong. I don't write, so I can't say anything about how the story progressed. I am now going to read the rest of your stories. I hope you can find another chapter or two to bring this story together. I really enjoyed the flow, since there was a new chapter everyday. Thanks and please continue writing.

"Angique":

I've followed this story line, at times enthralled, and at times just puzzled. And at times I've growled--to myself, and to the other commenters, to just be quiet until we see where the story ends. i never lost faith that you would make the wait worthwhile, as you have in nearly all of your other work, so I made myself wait for the finish. I'm guessing that, by definition, an epilogue signals that finish.

Of all of your wonderful stories, I've found only two to be disappointing. Unfortunately this is one of those two. I'm not unfamiliar with the tortures and pleasures of creating fiction, and, from that perspective it seems to me that you spent a great deal of time searching for the story you knew was there, but somehow never found. I have to agree with one of the other critics who guessed that you lost interest at the end, although even that theory doesn't quite explain why you felt compelled to enter this epilogue--which,if you'll forgive the criticism of someone who genuinely admires your talent, insight, wit and perception--ends up both compounding and confirming your failure in this particular effort.

But surely you know that failure in art is not a sin, it's merely the price of creation, the ashes you use to make the next phoenix (oooh, horrible metaphor, I know).

I'm so much looking forward to your next work. Thank you so much for your bravery in taking the risks of originality.

So sick - so evil - so human. I accepted the fact that in most of your stories the men will be either victims or dyfunctional emotionally especially with respect to the women. Like always your stories leave us with questions. If Bruce lost his wife after the first 2 years why did Erica keep up the farce for the next 8 years (would have been more had Bruce not caught her tricking)? Erica is called a hooker and also a lawyer which is it? Was Erica's relationship with Bruce part of her plan to crush Myr once and for all? Why the whole "rescue" of Myr when she could have easily gotten the damning report to Erica without the drama? So Erica video taped the scene between Bruce and the hooker to once again break Myr down. Thanks for a well done story.

Twisted beyond my imagination. Entertaining, captivating artwork that maintains suspense through its twists. Very female in approach and emotion.

I usually drop most long stories after about 5-6 chapters as they get boring but this one kept me going....

I love stories by angiquesophie. She has great control of language; weilds a broad emotional pallet and uses outstanding imagery, firmly rooted in the physical senses (for instance "Bordello" is heart wrenching). She also has a deft hand at writing smooth and beleivable dialogue.

This story is not her very best work. I suspect the plot got away from her about two thirds of the way in. Nothing unusual in that, since almost of the authors here write "on the fly" and so can wander off course occasionally. It is surprising to see her do so because her stories are often more Byzantine than this one. Still, it was enjoyable to read and I consider it time quite well spent.

I have to agree with an observation several others have made: that her charachters are gender conflicted. Her major men are written to be primarily female in outlook and affect. The other males are generally cardboard stereotypes of the worst sort. Her "sensitive man" characters end up betrayed by female characters who are written as being psycologially or emotionally damaged, often severely so. Her "dominant" females usually border on sociopathy. So what she ends up doing is projecting female atributes on her honorable male characters, and then has them betrayed by "actual" females! In her F/F stories D/S is handled this way: as a series of betrayals with love and emotion used as tools of manipulation rather than an enduring commitment to another's happiness and well-being. So it's no surprise her M/F stories are about women betraying men who are emotionally women...

Kind of a dark outlook she has there, though.

Still, it makes for interesting reading. Keep it up! And thanks for all your hard work and efforts to entertain us.

I never thought I would read a story that long (and would not have had I known how long it was), but I found myself totally enthralled! Weird twists the whole way through. I loved it!

And the shit just keeps pouring down. I'm sure glad those two whores had such a good time. I'm glad the boss was in on fucking his employee's wife while conspiring with the dyke bitch in control of this whole fucked up sewer.

No, I didn't just read this. I read it as it came out in serial form, wondering just how bad it was going to get for him. I couldn't leave any more than I can't stop staring at a car wreck in progress and watching the gore as bodies disintegrate. This time it was a psyche destroyed and it was just as horrible.

I had to let this "story" settle some, then I read it all in order in one reading. Now I have finished the 3rd reading and I realize what a masterful story writer you are with your ability to stomp, slice, pound, yank, pull, terrorize, and manipulate emotions with words. Good job.

No, I won't read this again. My psyche can't stand it.

Tail End Pete

It had such high promise: well written, intrigue, good narrative, but in the end nothing was saved, nothing was accomplished, no one lost or won, it was a total waste of time.

If you, the author, fancy yourself as a potential thriller writer then please write a full length novel and send it to publishing houses. Maybe, they'll make you realise what a crappy story this is. It has no characterisation, no plot and no climax. As I kept reading chapter after chapter, I was hoping that somewhere the author would redeem the story. I guess it was a futile hope. Please don't practise your dismal writing skills here on Literotica. Spare the readers. We deserve better!!

HIV may be an asshole but when he is right he is usually 100% right. Look at the fierce negative reaction to this story.

wow.

what the author doesnt get is that IF the husband is really this weak and passive... that HAS to be explained. The character flaw has to be explored.

It never is. And that is why this story was so soundly trashed

I just spent an exciting evening reading this story. Oh what a wonderful and thrilling ride. I just discovered this exquisite story and compare it favorably to DanielqSteeles work. Was this a serial as his story is currently?...if so this would account for some of the negative comments. A serial frustrates a reader and opens up the author to picky criticism. I just reread Thomas Hardy's Tess of the D'urbervilles (I know I am a disgusting lit name dropper) and then read a history of his works, found it was first published as a serial and was not well received...obviously today it is a classic. (Tess is a wonderful "loving wife" story by the way...seriously Literotica should publish this work as well as perhaps Jude the Obscure...then publicize the shit out of...what great publicity for the site...). Anyway my point, serialization of literature leaves an author open to too much criticism and the reader too much of a critic.

Sorry for the diatribe. This was a magnificent story with grand characters and thrilling twists. Well done!

The story started off great, and then got into a lot of twists and turns, but the ending was crap. It is hard to fathom that one guy could meet that many people that were not what the seem to be.

Wow.

I've read this story within a few hours and I am shocked. Yeah, the ending is a bit harsh and short, but that's not a big problem. I think it's pretty obvious that he moved on, he wanted to propose Rachel for a long time, since as he says, he collected the little bonus points on the card or whatnot. So when the woman appears (honestly, I thought it was Erica. It was so much more Erica than Myr.), and even though he can't believe that the world is that small, he simply turns his back on his past, and propose Rachel (thus thinking of his own future). There's nothing wrong with that. Although I'm curious why does one of the readers think that Rachel is another call girl. Writer: can you give us a hint on that? I think it's totally not the case.

And well, yes, the male protagonist has weird decisions sometimes, I especially hate the "Okay, you don't make any sense, I'm leaving" attitude. And come on, EVERY male on Earth knows how to operate a pistol. It's not a difficult thing. That's why I'm guessing the author is female :)

All in all, it was a magnificent story, a rude abuse and use of a schizophreniac woman, and the painful war for a happy and glorious past. I would've like to see Erica or Myr punished, though. Even just a bit.

Keep writing, you have great style!

you really hung the horns on this guy, you made him out to be the biggest wimp ive ever seen, no backbone at all, the bitch can and does everything to him and he just keeps coming back for more.this guy has no balls at all, hes the one that should have been getting fucked when they were being held hostage , and then when they were in the bungalow that would have been the perfect place for him to stand up for himself and deal out a little payback to the two bitches that hurt him the most. i really enjoyed the up until the very end,i also thought that the end was too rushed, you should have taken a little more time with it, after all you strung us out for 12 chapters, a few more words on the ending wouldnt have been a bad idea......

remember the end is always near for your final burden, TK U MLJ LV NV

Very well written, but an absolute bullshit plot. I hesitated to award it two stars - maybe I should have been blunt and give it one star only.

Well written crap. But still crap. The guy gets shit in an walks away?? What is this? An autobiography

"Yes," she said "it's me."

I stared at the caricature of the woman I had once loved with all of my being.

Suddenly I began to laugh. My laughter grew as I realized that Myr was the clown, not me. Erica rounded the corner and was stunned that I could laugh at all after they had destroyed me. As I explained my sudden epiphany, Rachel appeared and asked who these sluts were. I explained that they were entertainment from the visiting circus.

Loved the story but found the ending disturbing. You effectively stirred my emotions. Love how you resisted the temptation to simply write a happy ending. I did want to see his wife rescued. I will be thinking about this one for quite some time.

I had some doubts in the middle, but it all turned out well. I thought it was really good. It turned into a "sting" story in the vein of "Mission Impossible" or "Leverage". Next time you see an episode of "Leverage" think of it from the point of view of the schmuck who got taken. You can't protect someone from their own stupidity. We got taken too, Bruce was never the "hero" of this tale, just a sympathetic mark. He could have ended up the hero if he had gotten a little payback from the grifters who used him. All in all, job well done.

Stories involving multiple-personality characters share the same problem as fantasy stories involving magic. The reader never knows when 'rules' will apply and when the onion will suddenly have one (or several) more layer(s)!

I am surprised that Hubby could get over the mistrust that had to have been engendered after being used by Sweetie, Erica and Onslow

Very skillfully done and memorable (thank goodness for the latter, since I am NOT masochist enough to ever read it again.)

5*

This was well written; only a few insignificant missteps. One comment described Bruce as the 'mark', a second called him a masochist, another cited the tale as a 'sting.' They're all correct. Bruce seems to have this obsessive rescue mentality cocooned in a sea of gullibility that would have amazed even a seven year old. I know I'm just an old sheep myself. My wife has led me around like I've had a ring in my nose for forty years, but I've been treated to loyalty and devotion as a return on my emotional investments. For Bruce; his cathartic discovery, his divorce, the two year separation, and the woman's reemergence in Houston as a call girl should have only confirmed the correctness of his decision. For any normally healthy man the story would have ended there, or if not there, it would have ended with a mad dash back to New York to grab the Rachel, or whoever she was, he'd been attracted to. The plot lines are tenuously thin, thinner than a Johnny Depp movie. I can't imagine two women being able to find crucial documents in a mansion that would expose criminal behavior in any business, let alone one with seven digit investments. Would any man, other than say Jonathon Edwards or Bill Clinton, be so stupid as to invite someone as shady as Myriam into their inner circle. People on that tier of the food chain investigate those they intend to marry. I did feel pity for Myriam and I learned to despise Erica at the end. Those thoughts, I suppose, were the result of the continuous reshaping of the hapless Myriam into a caricature by a coldbloodedly sadistic Erica. I live near an eastern US city where the old whores have that exaggerated pseudo-sexual look I find so pathetic. I enjoyed the chance to read some escapism, but it left a stale taste. You have some other stuff, but I'm ambivalent about whether to bother. I prefer happy endings. A happy ending here would have been some kind of sexual/emotional accomodation between Bruce, Myriam,and Erica. Eriva could have easily come to manage the other two, and Bruce would have probably enjoyed it.

and it was easy to do because you are a gifted writer. It is just that in this story, the crazier and more complicated it got, the less realistic it felt. Not that I mind suspension of disbelief, but the over-the-top-years-long conspiracy seemed to involve way too much planning for just a couple of bi-sexual whores- high-priced or not! I kept waiting for him to finally get her into therapy and have that reveal that the "schizophrenia" was always false, or at least healed from years previous, and then he could begin to execute revenge. When his boss started tipping his hat and showing his cards, I thought it would give our hero the chance to seize the company, but no dice. What we were left with was a rambling lost soul with more money than good sense who, like others here commented, seeemed only to be prooved a glutton for punishment. So by the end of this tale your readers have invested alot of time in, we are left with no characters we can like, and no final twist in the plot to provide any satisfaction, only emptiness. As for the epilogue- a new woman? he can be happy now? there was just no way to know, as the angst and letdowns in the chapters preceding it left us hanging and empty. However, you have a very solid writing style, and use discriptive imagery well. Tightening up on plot points and character development will serve you well. Keep at it, and thanks!

This is what happens when an author writes themselves into a corner and ends up copping out to get it finished! If the author didn't put so much effort in trying to be as cruel as possible to men then she might have been able to write out of it! I will say this was the weirdest fucking story I have ever read and I wish I had the time I lost back! 1*

. . . No, Never! Bruce will dream forever, Erica won the tennis match.

Then finished with the complete collapse of credibility. Please change the name to 'Ode to a Softcock'.

In the meantime, I'll have moved on to tales of substance, and leave you to your worship at the temple of misandry.

Do you write any regular male stories?

The author is a very, very dedicated troll. She combines her love of writing and eliciting reactions from people. Well you certainly accomplished what you intended, so kudos.

Could have used a bit more flesh on the Myriam and Erica characters, but for all that

it was a gripper. You handled Bruce's confusion and distress very well.

I had a woman in my life who was in some ways like Myriam, without the alter ego, and when I saw her after 13 years everything she had been to me rushed back. She died horribly, alone and coke-addicted and still the feelings were there.

Some obsessions never go away.

We 'MEN' always take refuge in a woman. I haven't read the comments, but I'm guessing you took a lot of shit for this story. None from me. Thank you

Writing something this long doesn't make it any better than a story half the length. Overall your writing is quite good, but you need a good editor to weed out the rubbish from the essential. It was often confusing going between the split personalities.

Also Bruce was such a wimp, hell, how could he allow himself to be treated like that & have any self respect. No sorry this just didn't ring any bells with me, I've now read all your stories & think this is easily the worst. Overall 2**

So much unexplained. Plus Bruce sits when he pees.

I read all 12 chapters in one go. I admit there were times when I had to suspend my disbelief, but that's true for 99% of the fiction out there. It wasn't a big enough factor to detract from my enjoyment of the story. I thought it was very well done. The darkness of the plot and characters was nicely complemented by your cynical, acidic writing style.

And I enjoyed it when I thought myriam had split personalities! But after that I don't get it! Why did she keep him hanging on? Why not just tell the truth? I kind a feel cheated by the ending! Sorry just the way I feel!

He should have burned both bitches!

And what is with charlotte?

read all chapter in one go: witty, with a lot of suspense, unexpected turns, surprising, great writing, and very unusual -- but too many lose ends. The most important one: why does she keep calling him? The ending doesn't sit well with many of the clues given in-between...

That's too bad - I really like the writing!

Congrats. This was a good four star story. It was a great five star idea, but the execution needed work. The idea was brilliant. I was really impressed by the idea. But once it got going the story seemed to weave all over the place. Bruce believed her and then he didn't believe her. She'd start to explain and he wouldn't listen and then he be complaining he needed more information. She would tell him she didn't have much time then he would waste it getting her something to drink. Her hands moving seemed important, tearing things up, but it was never explained why. People at various time screamed unrealistically in public. At the end I wasn't even sure if Myriam had two personalities. The ending just seemed tacked on. Having listed all these complaints, I still really like the idea of the split personality: one loyal and loving, the other promiscuous and cruel. I would rather than seen Bruce slowly learn this, accept it, then fight for Myriam and learn how to defeat Estelle and double cross Onslow and Erica. But I am an optimist and I like happy endings.

(She to him...) "I love you! I love you! I love you!"

...

"Oh, by the way I really completely love this other lady and everything I do and have done through almost our whole marriage is only for her..."

...

"But I love you! Love you! Love you!"

...

It's like you opted for all of these great twists in the story... but ended up creating a story M.C. Escher would be proud of. Effectively twisting things so much that no amount of explaining can make it believable, even as a story...

You know, like the scene in horror movies where the villain walks past the doorway in exactly those one or two seconds during which the victim-to-be is distracted enough to miss them... really...? I'm severely disappointed that we're supposed to accept completely unbelievable actions...

So much twisting you lost my acceptance of the story...

There are at least 2 chapters missing between 11 and 12. Including the part where Bruce grows a set and takes care of the many many loose ends. What the hell happened and was said in that bungalow in St. Kitts? He could settle scores with his boss, Charlotte, and Erica. And come to final terms with Myr. Then at least a few paragraphs about meeting Rachel and healing. The way it is now, Chapter 12 is the last fart of air escaping the dying balloon. I cannot use my imagination to fill in those holes because every scenario is better than chapter 12. The end alone drops this to a 3 for the entire story.

Way too convoluted with not real payoff. Your villains are fake it's like watching cartoon cutouts. They have no real emotion or motivations to them just stark compulsion that push the story forward. Money, power, sex these are one dimensional and few if any can sustain that obsession. It makes them boring to read I keep expecting them to twirl their mustaches and cackle as they tie a person to the train track. Add depth to them, reason, emotion and conflict make them human.

If your going to write 12 chapters at least give a satisfying conclusion this was far from the mark.

The story was a little loose, but for a long one, you made me hang in there. I'm sure others did too.

Started off good then just became ridiculous.

I kept hoping this Goddamn convoluted, wandering, piece of shit science fiction melodrama would find some sort of ending that would justify it's existence. It didn't and I am ashamed of myself for going this far.

I can't believe I just wasted an hour of my life on this tripe of a series.

This writer is sick, and I'll bet writing this put them in an asylum.

Good luck to you.

How he didn't leave Erica dead in that beach house was beyond me.

I agree. Such a waste of an hour.

Bullshit

Still love it. Still five stars. Still a favorite. I am pretty sure she was off the beam, but the question still remains.

As an author, you must make your readers feel strong emotions. Congratulations! You made me feel stupid. I have no idea what you were aiming for here but you ended up with a confused mess. Your last chapter was muddled and weak. You never resolved the protagonist's emotional conflict and leaving the 'girlzz' on the beach was unconscionable. The boss situation also unfinished. Plot, character and conflict: all fails. Consider taking a creative writing course.

I hope u can understand some of your readers fustrations? I was very fustrated that this man had been used and abused repeatedly through the story only to have the story end with him finding out that he was used even more than he thought. Then to just end it with him with another woman shopping left much to be desired. Your whole story revolved around his love for Myr and in less than 200 words he's over her and ready to get married .... wow .

It was good. It was meh. The first few were great. The end pretty much was a pretty down. So much potential to have it die like it did.

So many swerves it made me hurl, every character a user, I am sorry I kept reading. Especially with the ending "it was all planned years before..." swerve. Seriously, that's just a weak way to finish. Shameful end to the story.

It was the best of stories, it was the worst of stories. It was hella long and over all too quickly. And it was quirkily and intriguingly captivating...try as I might to stop..I couldn't. Who knew...who didn't...who cared...who was cravenly immoral...who was saving whom and why...and why...and why?

And should I care

...hope Rachel is okay.

the bulk of the readership seems to exist in that strange universe termed the good ole US of A where everything has to be cut and dried; tied in nice, easily digestible, bite size pieces. There has to be a) Beginning; b) Middle; c) End. Good must triumph over Evil. And the two must be immediately distinguishable, and predictable. There must never be indecision. The Good must be an avenging angel who smites from his perfect position of godly righteousness. His vengeance must be soundly, and roundly, delivered with an accompanying fanfare of simplistic justification. Failure to adhere to this anodyne formula results in inarticulate frothing. Never mind the quality, feel the width!! The subject matter is all. You are/were (haven't seen any recent submissions) an exceedingly good author. You deserve a more enlightened readership. Thank you.

Probably the best story I've read on Lit this year. Lots of twists and turns and well written too. Definitely a 5 all the way through, but ending was a bit abstract and an anticlimax. I was expecting something much better. So only a 3 for the last chapter Thanks, you have a really creative mind..

I am impressed. It's not perfect by any imagination but it is original and sexy. My congratulations and my thanks for a story well told.

Nuff said!

Some of what angi was doing when he wrote this. Some weird shit.

So friggin confusing....

Great story line...love the twists.

Just i felt the ending (12) was tacked on a bit.

And the ending does leave open a 13th chapter.

I’ve waited to comment. It was obvious you wrote the plot as you went along. When you started the dual personality it started to get too complex with way to many characters to connect. Giving you a 5

A

Not sure what you were trying but the ending just didn't work for me. Out of left field and didn't make sense. I typically like your work but this one wasn't quit finished I think.

You could have had a better ending. But great build up

Some how some way , 3 wastes of skin need to pay.

You demoralized our poor "hero" to the point there's no way a new girlfriend woulda fixed him ....

At least give the guy his balls back

what life is all about, TK U MLJ LV NV