Betrayal

Loved It

Very good story, one of the best I have read. Keep on writing.

great

but she should have gotten less ...he should have sold her to a whore house in south america so she could truly see what a slut was ...isnt tha thowshe was just dying to be treated...keep on writing man ...you write how so many of us would really love to do the cheating sluts we should not have married

Great story

If more cheaters received this type of treatment, there would be a LOT less cheating going on

I like it

While a bit immaturely done, the premise is damned good. Don't let the naysayer fems and effeminized males say otherwise and don't take their comments seriously. Keep on truckin.

Not as shit as I feared but still,

I only have one flaw, I kill people for pay. Its a bit of a biggy as flaws go. At least this hubby was in the marines most of these stories claim special forces. Have all the nutters who lap this up never slept with a married woman at any point? The stats say lots of people do. We may not approve but are they all to be murdered. -- UK CYNIC

Very good story

Straight down the middle. No grey areas here. She cheated he got revenge. She was distraught he moved on. A little cut and dried. But overall a good story. Please continue writing.

Liked the second half

First has was paragraph after paragraph of the same thing repeating

I loved it.

The first thing I did was look for your other stories. Now Ill just have to wait for you to post another. LOL Keep writing. Great job.

WARNING: To the wimp cuckold writers: theres a new

Sheriff in town and his name is hawkeye007 and he takes no prisoners...be warned marriedwithballs@yahoo.com

Decent effort

I see you're trying to write hard-boiled. You made a good stab at it. You can improve by looking at the sentences: you'll see that some are soft and some are hard. In other words, the story is not quite hard-boiled enough to be genuine. Keep at it, if you're really interested in pursuing this style. It's a lot of fun but you have to be absolutely on tone with no wavering.

Very Good

No wimps here -however he couldhave slapped the crap out of her

Just stupid...

The crucify the women crowd will love this story, but in truth, it's just dumb. There is no real angst in this story — it's too phony for words, and doesn't cause any real emotional response.

O.K.

Don't think the wife would have lived out her life if he really was a hitman, but its the thought that counts. Her having affair when she loves her husband and doesn't even like her lover is a little bit of a reach, she can't say no? Anyway why leave her in one piece, take them out together and move on if your doing a fantasy.

Written by formula?

This story seems to have been written according to some sort of formula. (Lit.com template?) The same basic ideas, feelings and emotions were stated over and over. Repetition is no substitute for genuine emotion.

When the husband overhears the wife's phone conversation the writer makes sure that he includes all of the appropriate comments, mechanically and not representative of a real phone conversation. At the end the husband walks out on his cheating wife while she begs him not to go. Pretty cut and dried.

As I say, written by formula.

When is the wife's punishment?

Some idiot wrote earlier that the crucify the woman would be glad. Is that person crazy? This woman hasnt been punished at all. She had already broken her marriage beyond repair by her actions. She totally disrespected and humiliated her husband to an asshole while showing no real love at all for her husband. In fact to her all he seemed to be was a paycheck and a nice guy. One has to wonder how many women really live with us and have no idea who we really are and what we can do in a blink of the eye with no remorse at all. However here she got half of everything she knew about and the home. She got freedom to be a total slut as much as she wanted. Please explain exactly how and when she was punished. Oh yes, I remember her present fuck buddy had committed suicide and she doesnt have anyone to fuck right now. Perrhaps she needs to walk outside for a bit or go to the grocery store or club and a fucker. She thinks her husband may have killed the asshole, but then every man whose wife was a slut to him had opportunity and reason to eliminate him. Seems a shame the first man he cuckolded wasnt man enough to end this guys life before he became a serial professional gigolo. Some men simply dont have the power of their convictions. When you believe in marriage vows, no man or woman cheats. When you dont, both can cheat without remorse. I feel sorry for this guy, his revenge was partial, but then again in a few months after the divorce she may just disappear on day. Things like that happen all of the time and seldom cause more than a line or two in the newspaper.

not bad but

for the first half I was thinking, why not tell us what happened instead of repeating the same again and again. Then
by what he said about his "occupation", the blind rage he felt about his wife and her lover, I feared it would be an unbelievable and outrageous revenge. The killing of lover boy Roger fit in with his background, but what was the revenge for the wife. Him leaving ? Big deal, she was funking around on him for the raw sex she craved, he was just there for comfort. With the money and the house he left her, he will soon be forgotten. Anyway, when the story was finished, I just had this feeling "is it over already ?
Was that it ? I think it could have been better. Just try more next time. G.Belgium.

Essay of morality not a story

I've rated this story pretty low b/c I felt cheated by the author. He has real talent. However, 95% of this story is the man discribing his emotions and morals. His "revenge" is exactly 1 paragraph long. By the time I was 1/2 through the story I was screaming, "WHAT HAPPENNED!". Giving the wife 1/2 of all known community property is not revenge, its the law. So, he doesn't go after the wife, I can live with that. What I find objectionable is the author pontificating about morals in the guise of an (almost) non-existent story.

Saves A Lot Of $ on Counseling

Strong and interesting writer. Perhaps if every party to infidelity felt some pain approriate to the extent of their cheating it would slow down the rate.

All seriousness aside - are you for hire?

The commentators would prefer on your next that you only break each appendage 4 times.

Where's the old its just a story replies?

I like your take no prisoners approach - and talent but live and let die has margins as well.

Execution

The execution of this story is excellent -- intriguing choice of adjective, no? My choice of rating and my comments are almost always directed at a writer's style, not at the story's theme or subject. Hawkeye, your sentences are superb. Only one (or at most two) are flawed in my opinion. They come at the reader like bullets out of a gun: compelling, demanding attention, straight to the target.
Hope to read more of your work.

More please

Great start with the 1st. story. Write more!I will monitor Literotica for new stories.

Rather too plainly told

The prose is rather dry, and mostly explores the husband's feelings. The pacing of the storytelling drags because of the prose.

The characters are formulaic. The wife wants a beeg dick, the hubby is a secret contract killer. Neither is explored in any great detail. The fact that the hubby is a cold-blooded killer does not increase one's appreciation of him. Neither character is interesting enough to hold one's attention.

The plot is straight-forward and holds no surprises. It's a plain recounting of the hubby's anger and disgust at his wife's adultery. It plays out as expected.

Great Story

I thought this was a great story. Personally I would like to see another chapter showing how he got over his wife cheating on him. But I think you did an excellent job and look forward to reading more from you.

A killer moralizing about broken marriage vows?

Yeah, I know it's a fantasy but really now. And if he was such a non-wimp, badass why didn't he kill the wife off too? Or my personal favorite, the old sell her to some S. American brothel punishment. I'm sure he's made some contacts in his line of work. What was her punishment exactly, other than being left by a soul-less murderer? Was it the all consuming guilt of causing a man's death because of her wayward pussy? Thanks for the entertainment.

This story dragged on and on

If you write anything like this, fix your paragraphs so they don't break. Then when you end a story, end it don't keep going on and on.

Cool story but he had more pity than we would have

allowed. She is similar to a lot of the same type of slut wife/whores that show up in bonnietaylor/www/needyou bullshit stories. All of them deserve to be eliminated from the gene pool before they spread this shit-type of cancer.

Great Story

He was a little to lenient with the slut, but I love a happy ending.

Very boring story.

I agree with Alvaron's commentary. I felt like I was working
my way through quicksand, waiting for something to happen
or at least some sort of surprise... Potentially interesting storyline, though.

Again, misplaced rage

Half of the story was a preamble of short sentences which were too confused to make much sense. I could get the general idea, but only towards the middle, the narrator finally relaxed enough to start telling us what happened... My advice: that's where you should always start your stories.
Other than giving his wife what he was legally bound to give in divorce, where were all the pain and mayhem he had promised to put her in? I am not taking a position here, but it was in the story and just faded away...
As far as the 'consequences distribution' goes, it was the usual case we always see of ‘vent with disproportionate rage on the secondary partner to the cheating only’. Mr. husband character,let’s go over the facts: you were married to your wife not to Mr. Rogers... oh well, it’s hard to break literary traditions, so I expect more misplaced chivalry on presumably delicate (yet callously cheating) wives, and death by fire and hell on their partners
One more comment: the type of wife portrayed here, namely: an opportunistic immature and narcissistic, usually absorbs very little from the supposedly guilt inspiring acts and speeches of the kind the husband performed before leaving. This type is too self centered and would soon look for a substitute. For her type it’s all about loss of comfort, security and perhaps shame, but they can’t really feel empathy with other people.

Great story about revenge - please keep writing!

Bad news is she is still alive out there somewhere. Not good.

if we had more men like hubby,divorce go down

this how you stop cheating,respect your spouse.i bet she respect her next hubby.for every sissyboy that want to talk and kiss ass of the fucker who fucking his drop dead.

I am sorry but I dont see the wife's punishment

So she is getting divorced. So she is getting more that she really should get from the divorce. So he is leaving. Where is her hurt, where is the revenge, where is her misery. She is free now to be who she is a slut with some money. You have done nothing to her at all. Yes the asshole died well. But exactly what retribution was taken from the wife? She obviously never really loved her husband, women who really love their husbands dont do this. She really had no respect for her marriage. So tell me again exactly what did she lose?

Cool story but she still got away with it!

Liked the non-wimp aspect of the story but she still got away with it. However, it is better than reading the "man-hater" bullshit from Angiquesophie.

How to cheat and be awarded money and property

I have read the aurthor's later story first but, I have very similar comments to this story as I had to the the later story: "The Wrong Man". Instead, it should have been titled: "The Wrong Revenge", as yet again (as in many other "revenge" stories in this section of Literotica), the only one who sees any revenge coming at him, is the accidental horny - and no doubt - foolish partner to the sexual liasons, which the unfaithful wife had been conducting behind her husband's back.
The cruelty, contempt and apparent sense of impunity (justified, as we learn later) which all show her in the worst possible light - are equal only to the sense of amazement at the husband's "theater of the absurd" style of reaction. His only real reaction towards his wife (beyond venting and yelling) is awarding her half of their mutual property and kicking himself out of their house ASAP... Her partner, on the other hand, would soon be discovered along with with his coersed fabricated final notes, and if you believe that the police will swallow this story and won't soon chase after the crazed hex-hubby, you probanly share ex hubby's dellusions that the same woman who treated him so nicely while they were married, will now mourn over the end of this farce...

Garbage!!

Ssorry about The Title! It wasn't nearly as good as the title of my post would indicate! It was FAR WORSE than garbage!!

For fucks sake you American Cuck

Leave the writer alone. His story is twenty times better than any cuck or wimp story. That you or anybody else could write. Go suck your own dick. Or if you are woman suck your own pussy. Or write a story better than his and let him trash yours! But I guess you would never write a story would you.

Man I loved it.

I dont know why you got the bad marks. This was well put together. Please keep writing.

Awesome

love it

a little over the top

but not too much. killing the tennis guy was unnecessary, but he lost, game, set and match. her protestations of love, a cliche, and trust was trashed there.

Too easy

A wimpy finish for such a badass. It would have been better if she knew he killed her lover, yet stays with. Each year another close friend or family member dies under mysterious conditions. She knew he did it but can't prove. He slowly drives her crazy, until she kills herself. He can't bring himself to kill her so he drives her to do it herself.

too the end be kind to the wife

this whore open her legs to roger,you kill roger and leave her.what kind of justice was that.writers have too protect the woman.

I guess

Not bad, but the big, bad, dangerous hitman couldn't hurt the widdle woving wifey that disrespected him by feeding her lover's cum to him? Yeah...right! But seriously, he just took all his hit money and half of their property and killed her by leaving her? Why not stay with her and lick up after each of her next lovers before killing them too? He was in effect a big, bad, dangerous Wimp after all... There have been several stories with this plot and this was not one of the better ones... Yet, keep trying!

Didn't hold together for me

First, your protagonist claims not to care why his wife cheated, and then you spend about 1/3 of the story rehashing how could she do it and why. Then we come to understand what a tough SOB he is, how no one messes with him and lives. So, what does Mr. Tough Guy do, he gets revenge by divorcing his wife and giving her 1/2 of their (known) assets. You really needed to explain this and cut down on all the “how could she” crap at the first of the story. I am not a member of the torch-the-bitch club, nor do I believe that once a cheater, always a cheater. But when this guy shows such restraint, you need to explain it. In my experience, losing a good spouse does not torment a wife such as is here. Soon she will blame him and move on. So, how was he tough? He just cut his loses. Basically, your character acted out of character. Thanks for writing, Ttom.

I'm glad to see your later stories improve

This one was not really a story... a lot of narrative explaination but not many events

So she got everything that she wanted and all it cost her was a husband that she really didn't care about. If she doesn't know what it cost her then she loses nothing and wins everything, he gives up everything. anon jerry

He left like a man, but...

I think he let her off to easy . I would have made her eat a pile of shit to get even for the cream pie she served him for old Roger.

Great Story

And great characters. If this was an ordinary loving wives story the wife would fit right in: shes just the right amount of dirty slut and submissive perv. ( I'm a fan of naughty women as you can see.).
I love how the story actually sounded realistic; the feelings seemed genuine.

SHIT

Go back to school, you're writing is pathetic.

Cheating wife lives without revenge sure buddy

Incomplete charactor with contrary traits not a workable plot

Liked it - at the male character did not wimp out like so many of JPB's dog shit efforts.

Only the clucks, fags and shoe no iq's will not enjoy this tale.

SLUT

he should of killed her as well i dont know why cheating bastards dont think theyll be court rodger got just desserts . the only people who wont like this story are the gay fag wimp cuckolds and they should just cut there dick and balls off