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English
Very Erotic
Loved the story, perhaps introduce the boyfriend some more?
Would love to see those pics as well.
ok
It was really short, and it had some distracting grammar and spelling errors. I think if you had an editor and teased the story out with more build-up, it could be really good.
Had potential
The story had potential; you rushed it too much.
would love
would love to see
misunderstanding
Story was rushed & I thot u were a guy not a girl 'coz from the way u started off. You need 2 build up a story 'coz ur story is nothing new apart from the usual
nice
Make it longer*. Also add more details.
*That what she said.
not good
needs a good editor and a whole lot more background plus it needs to be slowed down so you can build the plot and characters. this was nothing but a first draft or outline that never should have been posted.
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