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English
This would be a perfect story...
for dialog. Instead of having some narrator observing the actions from a third point of view and TELLING the story, have your characters tell their own story...
Try it on for size: dialog is good!
It was okay, but...
It was a little impersonal. It needed more interaction between the characters to show how the relation was developing. Also, I agree with the previous comment when it was said that you needed dialogue. Dialogue gives you a communication between the two characters and expresses feelings. Next time you write, please consider what we suggested because you have the talent, just needs refining a little. Good effort, though!
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