All Comments on 'No Way _ Mary: Alternative'

by Britease

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  • 135 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Welll

Better Ending! Try rewriting some of your other stories also!

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
another stupid British super wimp story

This is wimp british thing isnt it??... I mean it has to be cultural. How is it that in story after story where the author is from Europe or the UK these authors are totally devoid of any sign of masculinity and integrity?

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
No need to have bothered wit' this, really

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Harryin VAHarryin VAover 15 years ago
Author still has NO clue whatsoever

This story fails on a number of levels. FIRST the Husband INITIAL reactions to finding out his wife fucked 3 men overnight -- not 1 -- is laughable and absurd. In fact he NEVER gets angry at all!!!!

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SECOND... the husband never at ANY POINT in the story says what her whoring actions MEAN to HIM. Not a single word.

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Go back and re-read HIS reactions on page 3... "avoiding

each other" or "walking around Muddle" (whtaever the fuck THAT means) is NOT reacting.

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IMAGINE you are the Husband. First his wife LIES to him about <i> "Just going to the bar for a minute".</i> Then <b>she DISAPPEARS for 18 hours!!!!!... and fucks 3 men in 1 night.</b>

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Suppose that 1st Guy KILLED her? raped her? tortured her? Drugged her and kidnapped her???

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He spends over 18 hours out of his mind with worry and anguish and she decides to fuck not 1 but THREE men!!!

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<b> Amazingly when the cunt whore calls the next morning he says "come home?" </b>

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Excuse me while I vomit. THAT is it. This story is over.

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Exploroing her sexuality is one thing -- never mind her STD risk which he SHOULD be worried about but is never discussed in the story-- <b> but her actions that night showed how much she DEEPLY HATED her husband... and I mean HATE. </b>

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Once he said <i>"Come home" </i> and actually held her while SHE cried fake tears this wretched story moves into the MORONIC sphere.

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<b>Given the wifes actions and what they mean to HIM... something the story Never talks about... His lack of respond was a BIG green light to whore and still be married. </b>

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if you can disappear for 18 hours... fuck 3 men for $$$...

not even consider that your husband might be worried about you... and he says COME HOME... that pretty much says: "go ahead and be a whore..."

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a truly awful story

PostScriptorPostScriptorover 15 years ago
Oh come on guys...

This was well written, clever, better than the first time, and he dumped the wife. What more do you want?<br><p>

Anyway, I loved the touch where he started calling her Gina, and refused to return to calling her Mary. Ha!<br><P>

Of course, ending up with Cathy seems like a rather odd sort of thing to do, although the implication may be that using a hooker isn't so bad, as long as you know that you're with an escort. The story didn't say he planned on marrying her, or even that he was in love with her! LOL.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Better, but...

I would have given this a much higher score except for the very ending. What the hell is the deal with him ending up with Cathy? Is that a big fuck you to your readers? A bad attempt at humor? The story had been plausible up until that point and then you completely jumped the shark. No guy who has a wife turn into a whore is going to suddenly start going out with another whore. You don't even beging to try to explain it because any explanation would sound preposterous. And also, I would think for a wife who has also been a best friend since childhood and the mother of your children, the ties would be deep and there wouldn't be such a clean break at the end. Probably it wouldn't be a happy ending, but you don't just say goodbye to someone like that and never see them again, and the children factor plus still living in the same community would force you to keep interacting with them to some degree. It would have been interesting to explore that, too bad you didn't.

Tearsofsorrow2Tearsofsorrow2over 15 years ago
Not enough change

or not changed at the right spot. I will ask you this Britease, would you react the way this shit did? Can you think of one man who is sane that would? He has sex with her after she has been with three men. And after finding out she has continued to fuck around, his reaction is to just leave her. I am sorry but most would react violently. I do not advocate it but I have seen it. Prostitutes are disposable people in western society. They get killed and raped on a regular basis. Then there is STD's which the shit husband does not even factor into. His wife has unprotected sex with multiple partners and he makes love to her? Bullshit. And the ending. My wife is a whore so I will trade up to one that has been one for longer and helped introduce my wife to the business. Again Bullshit. What part of "No Way" don't you the author understand? And there is such a thing as bad publicity. Next time you decide to rewrite a story make it better not worse.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Well - somewhat better ending than the first but..

the overall plot line/story line has issues. No one typically has a better analysis than Harry VA. He is usually 99% on the issues [no matter who the author is]. Once again, this is a much better ending to a poor story but the husband inability to display any realistic feelings or behavior make the effort seem so plastic & unbelievable. Granted there is no doubt that this slut wife deserves to be "boiled in oil" and eliminated from the gene pool but as the author indicated, that is not his style. Better luck on the next one. John

zed0zed0over 15 years ago
Much Better

Okay I would have preferred boiling oil, and a little more groveling, but this ending is much less scary than the first one, as you know I am easily frightened by "whorror" stories. Bad enough to end up with a slut/whore, even worse to stay with one.

IrrumatioIrrumatioover 15 years ago
I liked it better

Still not in love however. I thought hooking was legal in the UK, in which case it shouldn't have been an issue in the divorce. Maybe I'm wrong.

bruce22bruce22over 15 years ago
Better

Still the problem was that she should have known her husband.

She deliberately threw away her marraige, did not propose an

open marraige and did not request a divorce. It is truly amazing to have a best friend who would betray you so completely! Thanks for all the hard work!

jmikeyjmikeyover 15 years ago
Liked it alot

Firstly, your use of the language is exceptional. Secondly, this is the type of story I greatly enjoy therefore I rate this effort at 100. Yes, some of the plot is not perfect, but is your story. I would like to see an effort from Mary's POV. Being from the USA, I guess I should want her to get HIV or something similar, but she does not seem to be a total villian. Wimp that I must be, I would like to see them back together.

JADED_ONE1969JADED_ONE1969over 15 years ago
Well, still not sure about this story.

The fact that he didn't trust the wife, and even thought she might be sleeping around on him. He still had sex wth her. Now I personally don't know any women who are on the game. But they don't normally have husbands who they still love but still need sex from strangers as well. Also the last bit when the husband meets up with Cathy, well if that was was the case why not stick with Mary it's just swapping one hooker for another. Sorry Britease better ending but still the premise of the story isn't that good. Just a word to the prat who claimed all the stories on this site from British or European writers are wimp stories? Take a look at some of the American wimps, BAKERBOSS, mdp-2004, Just plain BOB many others I won't mention. They all claim to be American so stop with the British wimp thing. It's getting boring.

dave_magicdave_magicover 15 years ago
Getting it right

Love a writer that thinks about life and reality and understands that we all have to move on at one time or another. Your stories are great and I enjoy your work, also that you understand the true meaning of "getting it right".

FionaVolpeFionaVolpeover 15 years ago
So you learned your lesson?

If you you write for your readers, which you apparently do; you've learned to stick with the formula that pleases them. Cheating wife get's hers, hero husband moves on, no wimps allowed. Same basic story line, just try to come up with ways to make the middle part interesting, we already know how it starts and ends. Actually we know how the middle goes also (cheating, affair, whatever) but sometimes we like to get riled up thinking it's not going to go the way WE want. Case in point, you buckled and wrote a new ending to this story, ho hum.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Women dont change in a moment from faithful

wife and mother to prostitute. Normally it takes some real intervention in their lives or they have been cheating for a long time and just decide to cash in on it. The wife described here is a mental case. She needed, needs, medical help. Fortunately it isnt the exhusbands responsibility. Maybe once she acquires the disease that keeps on giving, HIV/AIDs while getting treatments doctors will get her to someone that can straighten out her mental state. Wont really matter then but at least she will know she isnt mentally right. Very few judges would allow a woman like this to have access to her children, she isnt a suitable role model and she exposes them to medical and physical risk they dont need. Ah well you tried. Remember the ole saw, you cant please all of the people all of the time so be happy pleasing some of the people sometime.

cageyteecageyteeover 15 years ago
I don't think it was better!

I enjoyed both versions of the story. I think you have a wonderful imagination and I can see you trying to have something of an "unexpected" ending each time. My fellow commenters are, of course, entitled to their opinions, but for me, I will be looking forward to your next story. Please count me among your fans.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Much better

ending,I am glad that you did not boil her in oil,because oil is too expensive.I enjoy your stories and if others do not then they can just fuck off!

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Better story than last.

Some glaring inconsistencies; but overall much more satisfiying. One question that you didn't answer...after he discovered his wife cheated on him with at least 3 other men, why didn't they either do counselling or divorcing? Furthermore, Tracy was in it like a dirty shirt. Suggesting plausible cover stories, offering to go look for her....it just seeemed to convienient for simple coincidence. Great story though. Thanks for writing.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
better ?

what's better. she's still a whore with two little kids. the end of the other story was at least somewhat humorous. but erotic, shit what kind of taste do you have? besides all the other bad things we won't even talk about. disrepect , neglecting the kids, aids... it never ends here. I don't think any woman back in stoneage would have been so degenerated.

SleeplessinMDSleeplessinMDover 15 years ago
Better!

What kills a story is the speed of character transition being either too slow or too fast (usually). Mary after having a taste of whoring decides to go back when things settle down. In the previous version we have a reputable owner of a company suddenly accepting his wife as a whore despite all indications he hates it and becoming a whore house manager. All after hsving an one night with Cathy. There was No Way outcome with the first version (i.e., it became a happy cuckold story). This version is true to the No Way_X! conclusion that is this series's trademark. What I do not understand was the whole fake husband routine. Was he such a regular john that the hotel personnel thought they were married? Most high class hotels do not care who is hooking up with who as long as the woman does look like a street whore. Overall, a good story -keep writing!

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Both endings were great

but there is an old saying. Once a prostitute or a whore, always a prostitute or a whore. Either man or woman, they are addicted just like a junkie or alcholic. They might be cured and are always reforming because once they go back to their old ways, they are at the bottom of the barrell again and it would be like starting from scratch again.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
whore

The only whore in this story is the author who no matter how he tries can't tell a story all characters are idiots so is the author.

fregenfregenover 15 years ago
It is better

But not perfect. The storyline prevents if from being perfect.<P>

The first one was kind of funny in an offbeat weird way. But becoming the manager of a escort service...? With your wife as the main attraction? Really, now. But it was so farfetched no one (I think?) could take it seriously.<P>

This version reverts to the traditional reaction from the wronged husband but as others point out his "unreaction" to the agony she put him through, her instant conversion from faithful wife to prostitute, and, for me, his having unprotected sex with her after knowing she is still screwing men requires a 'suspension of disbelief' that I find tough to swallow.<P>

But let me offer my sincere wish you continue to write. Thanks for sharing.

KOLKOREKOLKOREover 15 years ago
Yes, it's better (could improve even more...)

I love the style of your writing, clearly your forte IMO. In the spirit of your request (which I share with you) following are some suggestions.

1. I have found a similar picture of faux intimacy described by woman authors only in one particular situation. A cheating wife/ girlfriend is caught or confronted and at the first sign of her emotional distress the betrayed husband BF the angry partner turns into a loving nurturer. I have been through this with other authoress but in my experience (not personally – thank god) it just does not happen. Moreover –as readers have been responding (including my own personal response) the time one feels most betrayed and threatened as a man is not the time that partner would turn to take the role of consoling his cheating partner…Perhaps it projects the imagined emotional needs of a vulnerable anxious spouse who have just been caught. But it most likely would not happen To the contrary that in fact is the most dangerous time for violence even homicide and at the least the strongest verbal attacks. Literary wise repeating the fantasy of the consoling cheated partner is a sure looser for any writer I have seen so far…

2. As the husband’s response seemed more credible, the main problem I saw in the depiction of the wife’s character remained here. A mother of two young children turns hooker over a single night of loosing her inhibitions or acting out her fantasies – whatever… This premise is a ‘tough sale’ plot wise, even if she had been fantasizing or feeling jealousy for a while. We all know there is a big gap between fantasizing and acting out those fantasies. This should be reflected even when you depict fictitious characters. Sure, we know they are not real, but they need to seem to us as if they could POSSIBLY BE REAL How believable is it that even after her night of craziness she would turn to hooking, risking at least the most obvious - her custody over the children? Another improbability is the way she is ready to sacrifice life long of close relations with her husband – it can happen – but not without major disruptions in the relations which the story does not offer. For example –take a pick at thecelt’s latest consequences story. He also tells the story of a cheater who no one likes - but he gives us great insight to what goes on in her mind. It does not help us like her actions anymore, but it makes what she does credible. Even though thecelt’s story is told from the wife’s pov, the husband’s pov could provide more insight about the wife; even better, more dialogues could do the job famously well…And I have no doubt you can improve the motivation element in your stories. Thanks for writing and being open for feedback.

AnonymousAnonymousover 15 years ago
Zed0 was Right: Boil Her!

This story was much better, more believable. That said, the husband STILL comes across as a moron. She gets home, he HUGS her???? Come on. That guy's just a tool. He knows about her lies - and still lets her in his house, around his kids? I can't believe he didn't just punch her in the face, right before he literally kicked her out the door.

I love the multiple endings. And even though us 'boilers' speak out, this version was definitely "Above and Beyond" what your fans should expect. Thank you!

Have you considered a "Boil Her Alive" version? I'd certainly enjoy it. If not, I'll just watch for your next submission. They were both 'good reads'!

EspressoBolusEspressoBolusover 15 years ago
Whatever

The stories are both interesting in their own way. Write as many endings as you want. The original marriage is over regardless of what is decided after the first night. What I found most intriguing was Cath's involvement. Cath found Mary, and we must presume, helped her to become Gina. Cath's supposed regard and affection for Tom apparently did not prevent her from helping out in the pimp department. Mary's attitude is a bit strange, but I suppose any wife in such a circumstance will blame anyone but themselves. Becoming a hooker hardly seems better than having a 'dirty' affair.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 15 years ago
i only good woman in england are hookers

that sounds dumb and the story the same.it funny really,the men writers in england have no backbone as men.

MrHandsMrHandsabout 15 years ago
If it ain't broke....

Both stories are well written, but I liked the original better, but I'm a sucker for happy endings and not big on judging others.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 15 years ago
preferred end

the only end that makes sense, to me

nyminusnyminusalmost 15 years ago
Good that he ended up with Cathy/.

A woman that admits she a whore and is really all woman is worth more than a shit for brains Mary

toesmantoesmanover 14 years ago
Great alternate ending, great stuff

Now you got the ending right, the first ending was total crap, sorry about that, but it was. You're a really good & interesting writer, & not like that apparent stereotype "Brit" writer who seems to loved being cucked

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Very good

Much better than the original ending, or boiling her in oil, for that matter. I gather that what Americans perceive as "wimpy" is what Brits regard as "good breeding". Cheerio, and stiff upper lip, what? Please keep posting!

AnonymousAnonymousover 14 years ago
Typical good writing-atypical bad plot

Fine writing as usual but poor plot except that this ending is more realistic than earlier version.

60 year old George

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Thanks! Much Better!

Britease--

You didn't have to, you know. Your stories always are good and stand on their own. But I definitely liked this version MUCH better. I am a "Boiled in oil" guy, but this was good enough for me. I am looking forward to more from you, especially the "No Way's". Season's greetings and Cheers. Oh yeah - and THANKS!

jasonnhjasonnhabout 14 years ago
Neither ending

It didn't need to be this complex. He should have dumped her after she whored around on him the first time. Obviously her desire for other sex partners is more important than anything else in her life, her husband, her marriage, her kids. She made a very clear choice, in the presence of her husband, that she was going to screw around. That kind of thinking can't be fixed. Bye bye bitch,

AnonymousAnonymousabout 14 years ago
Reality

Truth, as she later discussed, she had been intrigued and turned on my her girlfriends' encounters and was secretly curious. Meeting Cath open her up (with some booze to help) and she toyed (played with fire) intentionally and exciterdly to see if she could get a taker at the club. It was over, and then, he immediately had his hand on her botom...slut Mary was now in the open and toying, testing and experimenting and now we know, getting great fucling. Okay, I liked this second chapter, what she did at the club only pushed her fantasies to extreme and the cheating would begin. Problem, he always loved her, in every sense of the word and meaning. She originally loved him and still enjoyed the love and safety of a husband and home. Sadly, he really loved her, this is going to hyrt badly but a man has to be a man, not a wimp or cuckold! Glad you had him get a divorce, I would have walked into the lobby bar, yelled at her for all to hear, grabbed her by the haid and booed her ass so hard she would fall flying into the lounge for all to hear and see. No bruises. I would have punched the suitor and told him what I thought of a guy who screws anothers wife. Anyway, relieved and happy that you wrote this version. Do I think she stopped hooking...on a scale of 1-10, I'd think ... maybe..a 102. Good story, keep writing!

Orionman17Orionman17about 14 years ago
Ilikeboth endings. . .

Thanks for a good read. Ifound this 2nd ending sad.

cornballcornballalmost 14 years ago
story number two

the second story was far better. I think Gina got what she deserved and there is no way she gave up selling herself. great story tho brit. keep up the great work.

norcal62norcal62over 13 years ago
Reasonable ending for the two characters.

Had to grit my teeth awhile 'til the end showed up. Just heard on NPR 12/5/10, that the surest thing British is bad sex. Oh, how that plays out in LW stories. The British turn out some imaginative erotica, but maybe that's a result of many poor marriage relationships. Lack of communication generates so many bad situations, doesn't it?

robinhodrobinhodabout 13 years ago
Sorry

I admire the way you can invent and develop a story and I don't like to be discourteous to anyone who has these skills and publishes for my enjoyment. Nonetheless this might be an improvement but still doesn't work for me, Tearsofsorrow sums it fairly well, though a little rudely.

I thought the fact that her first experience involved three men was unnecessarily over the top, and would have been ample to finish the marriage there and then. As I said in regard to the first edition the humiliation element is not modified and remains a breaking point.

The reintroduction of Cath is a bit silly and not worthy of this author.

Keep them coming though!

ginrunnerxginrunnerxabout 13 years ago
WORTHLESS

I read some of the other comments and they pretty well sum it up. I think that you are trying to be realistic not in some never never land but you totally missed with this story unless this is the type of response that you are looking for. About the only thing that you did with this story is show that the Brits are total wimps and have no backbones and are total submissive to there wives. NOT YOU BEST EFFORT total waste of time

BH

TechRaiderTechRaideralmost 13 years ago
since he didnt want to get into a fight

i would have prefered him to put an add in the local newspaper. tell them its a practical joke and he is willing to pay for it. big picture of gina (mary) that says "local whore soon to be ex-wife willing to do anything for a price starts at 500 quib" on the front page. make it impossible to show her face in town period. she has to leave her parents, her kids and her friends. unless she was honest about stopping... which tbh with the story i just read i would doubt it. you write well but the story didnt call to me saying he got her back just as good as she got him. so can you really call that revenge?

FD45FD45over 12 years ago
Marginally better

Still didn't like it much though. Not big on boiling in oil, but still.

Krads1103Krads1103about 12 years ago
Ehh

This story just kinda made me a bit upset. Wouldn't read it again

Krads1103Krads1103about 12 years ago

Although to be more in depth, I was hooked by the point that they had made love after her first night. The ending just completely ruined the story for me

lonewolf3307lonewolf3307almost 12 years ago
A slight improvement...

...barely. By far, your worst story idea ever. Even the slightly better ending didn't help much.

BfreetorunBfreetorunover 11 years ago
Better ending...

Ironic that he ended up with Cath.

edatbrxedatbrxover 11 years ago
2nd ending

Preferred the original-It was more humorous

solotorosolotoroover 11 years ago
Good enough

One question, why do you balk at boiling her in oil? Not that I'm calling for it, but you it seems you shy away from it because it "doesn't happen in real life". Honestly, what part of your story do you believe is prevalent in real life? It's fantasy, my boy, let yourself go.

TornadoTysTornadoTysabout 11 years ago

From the story Mary only wanted to experience new cock not become a prostitute ! So I would have suspect she would do it for a very short while then stop once she had full filled her quota of cock. Then with her proceeds from her part job spend on her husband, perhaps a luxury exotic holiday to so him how Mich she really did love him.

OverthefallsOverthefallsalmost 11 years ago
Not better

I actually preferred the first ending, as far-fetched as it was. This ending just seemed mean spirited and driven by the BTB crowd. Write what you like and feel. Some will like it, some will hate it and most won't comment or vote anyway. Who cares? This isn't rocket science and the problems of the world aren't being solved.

If authors let peoples comments rule their writing, nothing would ever get posted.

Keep on writing.

rixelsrixelsover 10 years ago
She Drove Her Future

Any married woman that starts to hook for excitement expects the worst or is delusional. It takes a very rare husband to be happy when saying, "Hi honey, how was your evening? How many tricks did you turn?" It must be special to be last in line every night. The kids will so happy to tell their school mates that their mum is an aging call girl. Just as likely they will have to endure derision and rejection. Then they can try to explain why their father is either a willing cuckold or pimp.

betrayedbylovebetrayedbyloveover 10 years ago
Excellent Repair

The first one was funny and preposterous. This is the correct outcome.

Carry on.

FD45FD45over 10 years ago
I am hesitant to comment

Who am I kidding? I am never hesitant to comment...I do not want to offend a respected writer by what might be a negative review.

Reading this a second time, I couldn't help but feel this story was forced. This is NOT the story you wanted to write. You already wrote the story you wanted to write. This is the story you felt that the fans wanted to READ. But you outlined this in the preface.

The story kept seeming to want to twist into a cuckold tale (and please recall that I don't use that word as an incredibly idiotic put down, I use it as a description) And let's face it: cuckold tales raise strong...passions in their readers. In some, who groove on the strong emotions and humiliations, it's arousing in some fashion, that this woman or bull or whatever can do such things to hapless husband. In other, their revulsion to such a circumstance is just as strong. Funny how the emotions are of equal intensity...

That being said, this story felt like it was supposed to be a cuckold story. How else to describe this man's absolutely ineffectual and odd reactions to his wife's actions.

-He dares her to act like a whore.

-He lets his wife wander off with a strange man and only goes to look for her a LONG time later.

-His imagination wallows in his wife losing her filmy dress.

-He invites her back home from her night of degradation with nary a raised voice.

-He tacitly accepts that she didn't have a single episode of stupidity, but WENT BACK TROLLING FOR MORE STRANGE COCK...TWICE. Still no raised voice. It just isn't done in Blighty.

-He accepts her into his bed with affection offered freely...but no sex. (See below)

-He allows her to wander off unsupervised after this for A MONTH (timeline hazy)

-He finally follows her and discovers she isn't where she says she is, doesn't confront, and confirms that it is a REGULAR thing, this deception. Still no confrontation.

-But...if I was psychoanalyzing the STORY (not the author), I find it...telling that AFTER this discovery of her wandering apace, THEN he has sex with her for the first time. Really...? I mean...REALLY?!?

-And when he discovers she is, in fact, a whore, he HELPS THE MAN FUCK HER and thinks he is a 'decent chap' (this is not a typical American reaction)

Just...wow. I have to ask: suddenly he 'toughens up' but where was his spine during all of these prior incidents? Was it being cleaned? Was it getting a tune up? It is a trifle late for it to make a sudden appearance as a deus ex machina in the third act. But I suppose if it hadn't been missing, there wouldn't be much of a story.

It was an emotionally engaging tale, but the wallowing in his pain without DOING anything about his pain made me feel this was a cuckold tale.

Still, nicely written.

RhomanovRhomanovabout 10 years ago
Dull and Dry

This is more like a "Do I HAVE to write THIS?" story.

Felt flat. Very.

semofuncpl3semofuncpl3almost 10 years ago
While they are not often boiled in oil

a lot of the do disappear in shallow unmarked graves or deep ponds with heavy shoes on. Much easier. A drive in the country for a picnic near a previously dug hole and a short goodbye. Enough people knew she was a whore so guess some stranger picked her up and they ran off or he did something to her.

KarenEKarenEover 9 years ago
Tracy

First she tells him to just "play along", THEN she tells him to "be careful."

Well, which is it?

KarenEKarenEover 9 years ago
Much Better!

Liked this version MUCH more!

ErotFanErotFanover 9 years ago
A much more congruent ending

In the first story Tom's behavior at the end was too incongruous. Especially as he appeared so distraught at Mary's disappearance and crushed by Cath's late night phone call. Perhaps a more lighthearted beginning, or a more humorous take would have prepared the reader for the ending.

In the alternative story Tom's behavior (and Mary's for that matter) was much more congruent and believable. The loving husband temporarily driven to hate filled cruelty in the Michael episode was a much more acceptable husband reaction. Given his previous behavior and what he'd been through.

I would make so bold as to suggest a different end to the Michael encounter. At the point where Michel says. "Fancy a go now old boy. We'll swap places if you want." I would have Tom say; "Are you daft. I've no idea in bloody hell what STD's may be crawling around in that whore's hole." There could be a new scene with a worried Michael reaction, then taking it up at "I watched with cynical amusement…" This would be another delicious dig at Gina enhancing Tom's new response to his whore wife. He could also to have hoped to harm her future prospects (monetarily if not frequency) once word got around after Michael would have spread the word.

But this story as written much better. As it stands.

Tim413413Tim413413over 9 years ago
I didn't read the first version. This one was very good.

As my mother once said about my former wife, "Too bad she didn't get that out of her system before she had her babies." Our hero, IMHO, should have been shed of her after her first night of whoring.

krosis666krosis666almost 9 years ago
Boy, it really stuck in your craw, didn't it?

The fact that NO ONE liked the first one. Seems nobody shares your world vision. Your snide comments at the start, and end, though probably meant to be 'witty', just seem bitter! Your inability to accept any form of criticism, even constructive criticism, seems to be a recurring theme in your side commentaries. I look forward to reading your 'Cutting remarks' to me, at the start of your next story! I like a good laugh, so make it a good one!

PTraumPTraumover 8 years ago
Better than the first

It's likely my own cynicism shining through, but this one I thought was better than the first...not your best, but better in comparison.

icebreadicebreadabout 8 years ago
You should have...

boiled her in oil.

phil2213phil2213about 8 years ago
Bad premise to a story = bad story

Not enjoyable reading but good writing nonetheless. This is the only story of yours that I rated low. I just didn't like it.

fisheronefisheroneover 7 years ago
Marriage slipped into drain

It is sad that it appears that Tom had a good marriage in the beginning.

Letting another couple dare a mad and emotional wife while out drinking os bad.

Tom should have shut it down fast, by telling her how beautiful she was and that she was his jewel. But instead kind of dared her while she was an emotional wreck. Mary wouldn't have had that hunger awoken if she jad never had three lovers in one night.

So in the end all were hurting and no one's happy. To me it would have been a great story if this first time hooker incident had been avoided. I would have never just shrugged my shoulders, I would have ask her to dress back let's please go home.

Schwanze1Schwanze1over 6 years ago
Better

than the first

oxynam25oxynam25over 6 years ago
Worse than the original

The ending was lame as hell, especially considering you made an alternative just for it. Your reasoning for the lame ending was "That sort of thing seldom actually happens in real life" so why did you bother to write this story then? I highly doubt situations like this happen often where the wife one day just decides she wants to be a hooker.

Why did you bother ending the first story the way you did then? Because one thing even less likely than your wife randomly wanting to be a hooker one day is you finding out your wife whored herself out to 3 guys, then you go out and have sex with your friend who is a whore and then turn into a millionaire pimp who also pimps out his whore wife.

Like someone else said his reaction to finding out his wife whored herself out to 3 guys is even less believable. Most people would fly off the handle. So your reasoning for a BTB ending seldom happening is dumb as hell if the whole story does not follow suit. Why does the ending have to be (in your case) realistic if the rest of the story isn't?

Just because you personally wouldn't burn the bitch doesn't mean it "seldom happens". It happens plenty of times. Husband comes home and catches cheating wife and her lover and husband beats the lover and goes to jail. Happens quite a bit. Sometimes the husband will catch her lover out and beat him with no witnesses. It happens quite often. Hell husbands sometimes beat the wife too. I see your comments at the end of your stories that you don't give an ending too, telling your readers to use their imagination when you didn't do it yourself kind of irks me.

TatankaBillTatankaBillover 6 years ago
Better

The second ending fits best with most folks' moral compass, I think. The story is of course a perfect loving wife scenario and beautifully done at that. It's well written and portrays the husband's anguish at events quite well. What's hard to take is the switch from devoted and somewhat conservative wife to self centered slut as quickly as flipping a switch. Sure, that's a classic plot device in loving wife stories, but it happened in a nanosecond here and it hit me like a sledgehammer in this tale, so there's quite a shock that comes with it and my wounded sensibilities needed vengeance. I actually prefer the first ending- it's amusing in an "if you can't beat 'em join 'em" kind of way. But in either story I remain angry at the instant destruction of trust in a marriage, especially to a loving and loyal spouse. I'm outraged because her behavior is over the top outrageous. Everybody loves a slut, until she demonstrates how little you matter to her.

dc64dc64about 6 years ago
Far worse....

..... the original was far far better................

somewhatniceguysomewhatniceguyabout 6 years ago
Matt Moreau

I thought there was just only one good writer who demeans men the way MM can...

ErotFanErotFanabout 6 years ago
Probably a better thought out ending than the first.

The flaw with the story is the setup. The intro was too serious to be played off as a comedy. It would have worked better if Mary/Gina was portrayed more as a "Poor Debbie" type. A victim.

sbrooks103xsbrooks103xalmost 6 years ago
Thoughts on this version

"I'll have to give it back to him or I'm in trouble." - What kind of trouble? Is he going to report her to the Better Business Bureau?

I repeat what someone said in the first story: First, Tracy says just play along, then says be careful?

"Her need to find out how other men felt inside her" - I've never bought that rationale. What does it matter how other men feel "inside her"? She's married, there aren't supposed to BE any other men inside her. What will she do if they feel better? Cheat? Leave her husband? Put up with the "lesser" cock?

Why the fuck didn't he confront her with her lie, that he KNEW that she wasn't with Tracy?

Why the fuck didn't he confront them in the bar? Since she knew his name, that should have told Michael that Tom was telling the truth!

She didn't have a "dirty little affair," she just became a whore!

Much better ending! I WOULD be curious if she is working at the supermarket.

coredencoredenover 5 years ago
"Amateur writers do need some encouragement?"............................

Well you won't be getting any from me.

Call this a better ending? It was worse that the first.

He knows what she's been doing

He sees the punter take her bareback, and doesn't say a word

Then he does the same, risking his own health.

Neither one is fit to bring up children.

RobsoundRobsoundover 5 years ago
Better

Well I think that ending was much better!

King_WillieKing_Willieover 5 years ago
Yeah, this doesn't end well for Gina

She's not exactly young anymore and she has no pimp to look after her..

If she's VERY lucky, I give it a month before she gets her first couple of really bad encounters, two months before she starts looking for protection while using substances to cope with the hardships of her "exciting" new life.

The price she's charging is completely insane for her age when there's baby-faced 15 years olds high school dropouts out there competing with her saggy teats.

Letting her have access to the kids is a horrendous idea, BTW, you don't wanna expose your children to The Lifestyle..

that said,

MUCH better ending than the other version. Didn't care for the protagonist ending with Cath, he should be WAY smarter than that.

Schwanze1Schwanze1over 5 years ago
First

Given his wife whored herself out one night, there is no chance he would tolerate girls night out. No chance at all. Not believable. Even less believable than him keeping the cunt.

Schwanze1Schwanze1over 5 years ago
Did not

suck as much as the first version.

PTraumPTraumover 5 years ago
Better...

But still not good.

etchiboyetchiboyover 5 years ago
Ah yes. Better. Much better.

4-stars

26thNC26thNCabout 5 years ago
Much

Much,.much better ending to this one, although the boiling in oil isn't a bad idea.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 5 years ago
Farbetter

Far better and more logical ending then the first effort.

argeelogargeelogalmost 5 years ago
Much better

Nuf said

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 5 years ago
I can only think the other version must have been a reconciliation.

That would be impossible to sell. This wasn't a whole lot better. Yeah he divorced her but he sure took his time. The first time would have been it.

Just_WordsJust_Wordsover 4 years ago
Interesting telling, but not very credible.

No woman in her right mind wants to be a pro. I see the stories here, but they are all crap written from a school boy's point of view. She wasn't a pro. She was charging her boyfriends for sex. It's a pity, really. She was a good wife until she lost her mind.

jimjam69jimjam69over 4 years ago
Well

She got what she wanted.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 4 years ago
Dumb "alternative"

Sorry, Brit, the folks who complained about the original story were full of ... baloney.

The alternative is unrealistic as hell. Happily married mother becomes a prostitute, gets divorced, and only gets to see her kids once a month. Hubby divorces her because she is a prostitute, and promptly takes up with a prostitute, wondering if he will end up with her as a wife. Riiight.

The original story is equally unrealistic, but the ending is funny as hell. One can view the whole story as a great spoof.

vickitvohiovickitvohioabout 4 years ago
really?

antagonizing the reader is your solution? the first version stunk. you expecting people to applaud a cheating whore of a wife?!? sure everyone wants to marry one. lol you make it sound SO appealing! smh

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
Far

Far more plausible ending than the previous fantasy

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
The ending is NOT the fucking problem

The problem is use of the idiotic Martian Slut Ray and writing the husband as an imbecile who allows Mary to wander off in the first place, and then takes her back after her multiple adulteries. If you need these ridiculous tropes to write a story, you have no ability to create a real plot. The MC isn't written initially as a mental case of a weak cuck, and yet the minute Cath shows up, he is transformed into a semi-male character for just long enough to get the asinine plot rolling, and then he returns to normal and gets rid of her. What the hell is wrong with authors here? Instead of creating plots that normal people can recognize as possibly happening, we get plots over and over again that display the behavior of perhaps .01% or .001% at best of the population. I can't imagine English husbands are as weak as the Brit writers here portray them.

lookbob66lookbob66almost 4 years ago
Ofher

I liked the other better. Everyone was happy. Everyone got laid. And everyone got rich. All these stories are fantasies, some dark and some light. Well written and edited. Keep on.

TreymonTreymonover 3 years ago
Well

It's not quite the SJW beta happy cuckold driven writing the other was I guess

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Bullshit

There is nothing you write that is close to being real. If you think it is then you have a distorted view of your fellow man. I was a cop for 30 years and have seen and heard of some wild shit. It this is bullshit

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
Nothing

Nothing short of Mary/Gina acquiring a police record, jail time, a abusive pimp when she gets out and the total loss of her children’s love and respect could save this pile of shit. A nice social disease for hubby courtesy of “Cath” wouldn’t hurt either!

CumminginsiderherCumminginsiderherover 3 years ago
Not any better

Another swing and a miss.

So Tracy gets away with covering for her at the bar?

You must be bipolar because some of your stories are good and others are horrible.

AnonymousAnonymousover 3 years ago
You know what the really scary thing about this story is?

it's that BRITEASE Really really thanks this is an improvement on the original story. !!!

LOL...

Isn't that the scariest and in some ways the funniest thing you've ever read?

the husband knows for fact his wife has been a whore at least on one night and fucked 3 different men for 800 pounds. And yet there i is almost no emotional reaction from the husband of any kind. The wife has more emotional reaction when she comes home and talks to him then he does.

Is this like a thing now with British men that they're all emotionally deformed and psychologically stunted?

lujon2019lujon2019about 3 years ago

It was about a month after that infamous evening,

the week passed

i had to find out what she was hiding

/

/

Im pretty sure its illegal to marry the retarted

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
Leaves one whore for another

So he divorces his whore wife only to take up with another whore? True that cath never lied or cheated but now that its all out in the open it will be cheaper to keep her and you get some on the side as well.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 3 years ago
Past, not passed

We get "past" things, not "passed" things

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