All Comments  for

Claiming Vengence

bydavion2308©
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Comments (7)
by Anonymous

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by davion230812/28/08

Good!

Not bad for a first non-consent story. They're difficult to write if you're not completely comfortable with the subject matter.

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by Anonymous12/28/08

Good

Not bad at all, I hope to see more like this from you, you have a great idea and would make a great series line.

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by Anonymous12/29/08

Fantastic

Hi, loved the story, short and too the point i could have read more, it was very good! Loved the Asian co ed girl and love to hear more about her :)

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by Anonymous12/30/08

Short but well done

I usually like stories thats are a bit longer but I enjoyed this one and don't have any criticism. Good job.

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by Xodan09/07/10

Nice but short...

... if its a first keep trying ;)

it was a good start! You could have it longer !!! And with the girl condition : he could have had more details on her anatomy.

Thanks anyway

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by Anonymous12/09/15

Good overall but needs more details, more emotions.

Good writing, the setup is nice. The action needs more details, take your time to install a good mood, to induce the feeling of the moment. The girl could have stayed a little bit more awaken. She likes Billy so... no problems there. I like what you write but I would love it with more details, more point of view. Example: Describe the action that Jared lives in details then describe the action from a 'god' point of view to fluff it up, to build more over what takes place.

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by Anonymous12/28/16

it was okay but lacked detail....

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