whats up with you spelling G-d this way? It was kind of distracting.... for me at least. Especially since you used it a bunch of time during the story. I understand we as christians arent supposed to use God's name in vain and all that jazz and if thats the case, just don't use it.
by
Anonymous01/01/09
I like it
It was kinda short,but still wonderful. A job well done.
by
Anonymous01/01/09
Really good so far
could be a bit longer but all in all, really good!
by
Anonymous01/01/09
I concur
Excell-nt potential but it's d-fficult to r-ad when you have poorly pl-ced - - -. Why spell God that way when your story is titled "Damn"? I'm interested to see where this goes and I really hope you continue.
by
Anonymous01/01/09
Very Nice...More Please
Kayla sounds fresh and determined. Alec sounds like he smart enough to pick up on that and may want more. Great! Another installment Please!!!! LOL.
Good start keep it going. I so look forward to more of your writing.
by
Anonymous01/03/09
Ooh la la...
Damn teaser to stop there but Ill forgive u if u submit the next chapter pronto pronto! Cat
by
Anonymous01/03/09
Good start...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. As for the comments below about the "G-d", I just assumed the author was Jewish, as practicing/orthodox Jews often don't spell out "God". It is somewhat distracting, though, as the author decided to write "G-d" so frequently in this short chapter. Maybe they should choose another phrase...
by
Anonymous02/12/10
Seriously...
Right now im in love with this story. Seriously i like this starring off point but if your going to put G-D in everytime why not just NOT use god at all use jeez or something. Its not a crime to say oh god.
...how you introduce Kayla here. I love her fire and how she calls Bambi "Bimbo." Realistic dialogue, good backstory for both (and I can really relate to Alec hating his job--I'm sure many can). I never particularly care for 1 pagers, BUT this is exceptional. Thanks for a quality story (although my comment comes years late) to fill the Lit site, something badly needed.
English
loved it
What a start to 2009. I loved your beginning,looking forward to the next chapter. Happy New Year!!
Damn!
That's a great start to start a new year! I'll be patiently waiting. =)
Nice start but
abrupt ending. Could definitely have been longer. I'll still look out for the next chapter, though.
Good Start..
I enjoyed your start. Kayla sounds like a barrel of fun, with a bit of a sensitive side. I look forward to how her and Alec develop.
G-D???
whats up with you spelling G-d this way? It was kind of distracting.... for me at least. Especially since you used it a bunch of time during the story. I understand we as christians arent supposed to use God's name in vain and all that jazz and if thats the case, just don't use it.
I like it
It was kinda short,but still wonderful. A job well done.
Really good so far
could be a bit longer but all in all, really good!
I concur
Excell-nt potential but it's d-fficult to r-ad when you have poorly pl-ced - - -. Why spell God that way when your story is titled "Damn"? I'm interested to see where this goes and I really hope you continue.
Very Nice...More Please
Kayla sounds fresh and determined. Alec sounds like he smart enough to pick up on that and may want more. Great! Another installment Please!!!! LOL.
The story is so short, I really can't say anything
I would like to know more about your character,since all I know is that she has car trouble, and is late for an apointment.Thanks....Rich
Don't stop here!!
Good start keep it going. I so look forward to more of your writing.
Ooh la la...
Damn teaser to stop there but Ill forgive u if u submit the next chapter pronto pronto! Cat
Good start...
I'm looking forward to the next chapter. As for the comments below about the "G-d", I just assumed the author was Jewish, as practicing/orthodox Jews often don't spell out "God". It is somewhat distracting, though, as the author decided to write "G-d" so frequently in this short chapter. Maybe they should choose another phrase...
Seriously...
Right now im in love with this story. Seriously i like this starring off point but if your going to put G-D in everytime why not just NOT use god at all use jeez or something. Its not a crime to say oh god.
Smooth
Beginning, more please?
I love...
...how you introduce Kayla here. I love her fire and how she calls Bambi "Bimbo." Realistic dialogue, good backstory for both (and I can really relate to Alec hating his job--I'm sure many can). I never particularly care for 1 pagers, BUT this is exceptional. Thanks for a quality story (although my comment comes years late) to fill the Lit site, something badly needed.
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