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Crap!
Enough said...
clever concept
but no reason on earth why such a 'deal' would be entertained. Personally I would start throwing billiard balls at camera boy.
Not so badly written
Please take heart in what you have written here. It is an unusual way to build the conflict and tension of the situation. A race to win is not so bad. And this was a different way to do it. The other posters are making moral judgements of the story, and not so much the words. Maybe it would have been more dramatic if the bad guy had a knife, or maybe there was two of them?
Keep on writing!
Give the author a break already.
It's a decent concept that's marred only by the fact that the motivations of the wife and husband are weak at best. A little more work by the author on why the deal works for both of them (some back story maybe?) would make this a pretty good stroke story. As it is, though, it's still worth a read.
Just another slut. And hubby is a wimp. And a cuck
.
Are you really sick enough to have him stay with
her and raise another man's bastard? There are morning after pills, abortions, and a variety of things to do to eliminate such a conceived child you really want to keep a slut.
Great Story
Real or not it doesn't matter. It's a great story. No one knows what they will do until they are in the situation.
Speaking as a woman, you obviously know how to satisfy a woman in a way these nay sayers never would. They are to busy posting negative comments on stories they don't like instead of a) writing stories they do like b) taking the time to find stories they do rather than continuous reading stories in sections they don't like and c) actually spending time satisfying a true woman or d) satisfying THEIR own wife.
Keep up the great work!
Loved it BUT-----
didn't like the kid bit at the end. I was hoping that she would get together with him again with her husbands permission and presence.
Good story
Plot was a bit contrived but interesting.
Could have been better. You've got 15 balls to work with. You could have built more suspense by having them strip more slowly and her becoming less reluctant as he touches and whispers to her. The guy good have gotten progressively more nervous and missing the easy ones as things progressed.
Keep up the good work.
LOVED IT
That was very good and erotic. I agree with the previous comment, you could have drawn it out a little more before they actually f*cked.
PROBABLY A DEAL WAS MADE BETWEEN THE WIFE AND THE TREE GUY...
BUT IF IT WASN'T THERE STILL SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ANY SEX BETWEEN THEM(WIFE AND LOVER).... AND DON'T FORGET TO CANCEL CHECK TO TREE GUY
Great Story!
Loved the storyline and story telling - my only criticism is that it might have been a bit longer, and more detailed in the sex but that doesn't detract from its quality. More please.
1 is to high
this is what I use to wipe my ass with after I take a shit
Interesting and Well-Written
i have to agree with ANON 'good story' about stretching the story out a bit more, plus the win-loss ratio was not on Hubby's side ... Tree-Guy was going to keep the record of the stuff he already saw for his private pleasure. Real question was whether Sweetie was rooting for Hubby or some strange chubby! My bet is on the latter, or she would not have agreed to a bad deal so quickly!
If we don't ignore reality, there is always the 'morning after pill!' The story would, IMHO, have been better if it ended when the door slammed on Tree-Guy's butt. Let there be tension about whether Hubby is excited and jumps Sweetie, or walks out and tells TG that the coast is clear. Let readers wonder whether a Morning After was used or not, etc.
No way this is a good story
Unless you are a sissy faggot or a cunt. Just another boring pathetic wimp story. That should be a category "Pathetic Wimps". No loving wife here! And no one to like either.
stupid ending
just another fucking stupid ending .. why the hell he not have sunk all the balls "BEFORE" the guy exploded in her whorish cunt and try to knock her up .. just another stupid fucking cuckold shit story
Watching my girlfriend
My girlfriend and I have people over to play pool a lot. Many times it turns into games of strip pool. I have watched as she has been fucked over the table and she has watched as I have fucked some of her friends as well. Something about playing pool makes women horny.
fine points
Very good.
I would emphasize earlier her lust and his weakness. "Playing with fire" comment should be during protag's lovemaking. Also some hints that she's ovulationg.
He should object, weakly, to the conversations that end in her sitting next to new guy (and she ignores or ridicules/belittles/minimizes). And maybe he asks her afterward if she'll always be faithful (because he cares a lot about that) and she says "Don't be silly."
Is there any hint she's getting revenge for previous unfaithfulness by him?
He has to take a shot standing where they are and they won't budge? So he must do something awkward
He asks "which ball next" (accepting subordinate role)
New guy says more to boss him around
"If you don't want me to squirt in her" better hurry
Maybe more of his thoughts/feelings during game
Stupid plot
It's illegal for Josh to just walk into their house without permission and start taking pictures since it is private property. He is also blackmailing them with the pool game! Stupid story!
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