Harry is a talking head. There's no character development. This story is way to short. Aside from you "telling" me that this is a Valentine's story, I'd never would have guessed it.
Perhaps, you should stick to writing music instead of stories.
by
Anonymous01/20/09
Not My Cup Of Tea
Parden the pun.
by
Anonymous01/20/09
Good plotline but too short
I do agree that it's too short, but I like the storyline itself, just wished for a bit more detail and character development.
I have to argue with one of the previous commenters who suggested that it wasn't Valentine's Day oriented enough - not everybody has a romantic meal out for V Day and mentions it in every other sentance. Jeez. It was mentioned a few times, the gift giving, the officer mentioing it at the end.
I really enjoyed this story although I don't think it's in the right category. Either way it was enjoyable.
by
Anonymous01/21/09
This has nothing to do with Valentine's Day
It's an ok story, just not really anything to do with the theme of the contest. You could've developed it a little bit more and actually put some sex in, since you stuck it in EC.
I have to agree with Princess Erin about the category. There was enough character development for the length of the story, which might have been a bit short. Good luck in the contest.
But perfect. And it was in keeping with the holiday. After all Harry did buy his wife a beautiful gift. I liked the twist...the poison at the end...Good luck...
The story held my interest and the dialogue was good. Writing flowed and gave me images of what you were thinking without having to hit me over the head with extra words.
but I was left hanging at the end. Far too short. I was just getting into the story and then BAM it was over. I agree some sex would have been nice. Great read.
English
Way too short
Harry is a talking head. There's no character development. This story is way to short. Aside from you "telling" me that this is a Valentine's story, I'd never would have guessed it.
Perhaps, you should stick to writing music instead of stories.
Not My Cup Of Tea
Parden the pun.
Good plotline but too short
I do agree that it's too short, but I like the storyline itself, just wished for a bit more detail and character development.
I have to argue with one of the previous commenters who suggested that it wasn't Valentine's Day oriented enough - not everybody has a romantic meal out for V Day and mentions it in every other sentance. Jeez. It was mentioned a few times, the gift giving, the officer mentioing it at the end.
Good luck in the contest!
~ Imp (Alessia Brio)
Great
I really enjoyed this story although I don't think it's in the right category. Either way it was enjoyable.
This has nothing to do with Valentine's Day
It's an ok story, just not really anything to do with the theme of the contest. You could've developed it a little bit more and actually put some sex in, since you stuck it in EC.
A Good Story but
I have to agree with Princess Erin about the category. There was enough character development for the length of the story, which might have been a bit short. Good luck in the contest.
You're story
It's your story Tom, If you're happy with it, that's all that counts. To be honest, I found it a bit humorous. Good luck in the contest
DG
Way Too Short
But perfect. And it was in keeping with the holiday. After all Harry did buy his wife a beautiful gift. I liked the twist...the poison at the end...Good luck...
good imagery
The story held my interest and the dialogue was good. Writing flowed and gave me images of what you were thinking without having to hit me over the head with extra words.
I do agree that I wish it was longer.
Good luck in the contest.
Enjoyable and witty
but I was left hanging at the end. Far too short. I was just getting into the story and then BAM it was over. I agree some sex would have been nice. Great read.
good story...
agree with the others that it could have been a bit longer, but it was good... good luck in the contest!
Nice story
... and just about as long as it needs to be. Well done. Good luck in the contest.
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