Well, well, well, this was an interesting tale that caught me quite by surprise at the end.
I gave you my best score for your writing, especially some of the imagery when describing Sheila and her dress and your character development and dialogue is very good.
Unfortunately, even though this was well written and definitely had a Valentine's Day theme, it didn't have much sex, that is, until the end. Yes, there were plenty of glimpses in the author's mind of sexual fantasies and I guess you could include that as the sexual parts.
My only other comment is, because of its obvious length, this story should have been posted in the Novel category and not in the Erotic Couplings category.
~ Imp (Alessia Brio)
Welcome to the site. I have been reading your stories and you
definitely have a lot of talent. I loved this story,dialogue is superb,very funny! I can picture a scene from a romantic comedy when I read your story. Best of luck on this site.I know there is an element of disgruntled wannabees here but don't let them bother you. You have got what it takes,PT.
I loved the ending. I felt some of the story was repetitive, but it was well-written overall. Good luck in the contest!
(not THAT Sheila)
The ending is really nicve, but it takes a bit of slogging to get there! The power of negative thinking wins, as does blackmail! The wind up could be shorter, and the details of the resolution could be stretched out. Still, not bad.
A very weird story that was a little long and repetitive.
It's your story to write as you see fit. There will always be those that agree and disagree with your writing. Please yourself first but learn from suggestions. Good luck in the contest.
This story read like a book. And, I liked it. There was a beginning, a middle, and an end. I think this author spends too much time with the middle section and wraps up the end in too much of a hurry. As for what the other commenters are saying.....Its just a story! Why are you commenting on the charachters? They aren't real. But, maybe they are. That cocksucking bitch deserves to be gone! lol
Not really sure why he got a franchise nor why he had this bimbo living with him in the first place. But then again you have to listen to the mentality.
He truly had mastered the skills of positive thinking.
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