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I tried to read your story, but I got so confused with the shifting characters
and pronouns and the changing voice, (first person to third person to...), that I only got a short way in and had to quit.
You can't just jump into the middle of a scene without giving your reader some clue as to what's going on. You need to develop the characters and a basis for what they are doing and why.
It's unfortunate because I've had many a wank over Ms Lipps and was looking forward to a nasty story with her as a character.
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