Curious, why the race to the finish...
Story started with some good basics, then WHAM it was over...
Next time, just a suggestion of course, take a little more time to develop the story, and spend a little time describing the people involved. You never mentioned a thing about them.
Also, take more time in showing the 'love' that you started to talk about instead of SLAM it was in me...done over with...
With everything you have said. Then I looked at his bio, and he has dozens of submissions. This is the way you write all your stories Bass, and I must say, learn to develop your skills in the erotica portion. You have the Literary skills, this is obvious, but work on your erotica! Slow it down, give it the same detail you give us when leading up to this portion. It will make such an awesome story :)
If you are not comfortable writing about sex, why not try your hand at non-erotic writing.
This was pretty good. A little fast moving for my tastes, but hey. Pickers can't be choosers.
4/5
by
Anonymous04/18/13
"I'll bet none of them have done it with their brothers." "Don't be too sure about that."
Big brother Cliff is sure right about that. I personally know two brothers who've busted their kid sister's cherry, and you probably do, too. Girls trust their big brother, and the boy has tender feelings for his little sister, wants to protect her, keep her safe from some horny asshole who doesn't care for her at all, just wants to get his rocks off. So the boy'll take the righteous job on himself, his big prick'll be the first to enter her adorable little coochie and bust her cherry, and his brotherly balls the first to unload a huge dose of creamy semen up his sis's cute little twat. A brother's sperm up his kid sister's cunt--just right.
English
Reasonable first attempt I guess
Curious, why the race to the finish...
Story started with some good basics, then WHAM it was over...
Next time, just a suggestion of course, take a little more time to develop the story, and spend a little time describing the people involved. You never mentioned a thing about them.
Also, take more time in showing the 'love' that you started to talk about instead of SLAM it was in me...done over with...
Again, just a suggestion!
I agree...Raven..
With everything you have said. Then I looked at his bio, and he has dozens of submissions. This is the way you write all your stories Bass, and I must say, learn to develop your skills in the erotica portion. You have the Literary skills, this is obvious, but work on your erotica! Slow it down, give it the same detail you give us when leading up to this portion. It will make such an awesome story :)
If you are not comfortable writing about sex, why not try your hand at non-erotic writing.
I liked it a lot.
Just a little more buildup and a little more detail on the sexual aspect and the story would have been terrific instead of just great. Thanks.
Good :D
Good :D
Good job
This was pretty good. A little fast moving for my tastes, but hey. Pickers can't be choosers.
4/5
"I'll bet none of them have done it with their brothers." "Don't be too sure about that."
Big brother Cliff is sure right about that. I personally know two brothers who've busted their kid sister's cherry, and you probably do, too. Girls trust their big brother, and the boy has tender feelings for his little sister, wants to protect her, keep her safe from some horny asshole who doesn't care for her at all, just wants to get his rocks off. So the boy'll take the righteous job on himself, his big prick'll be the first to enter her adorable little coochie and bust her cherry, and his brotherly balls the first to unload a huge dose of creamy semen up his sis's cute little twat. A brother's sperm up his kid sister's cunt--just right.
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