All Comments on 'Karma's Valentine'

I am impressed by the first attempt by Sultry_Sieren.

The story is short, sweet and sexy.

An erotic dancer falling in love with a man and having a steamy encounter is probably many men's fantasy.

It is mine and I hope it will come true.

Keep writing and all the best.

A tender, sexy story.

...when I blinked and it was over. There is a lot of promise in this story and in the characters, but you just didn't give it enough time to really catch me. It all happened so fast, when you could have at least spent two pages on it. I would have liked to have more background--there could have been a lot of fun in setting up how they fell for each other. Even the sex scene was too short. Suddenly, they were at his house, had apparently spent the evening together and *boom* they were having sex, and *boom* the story was over. Not to be too harsh, I really liked the premise and the characters. You still did a good job.

The language was stilted. Real people talk with contractions and in incomplete sentences. Next time you're writing dialogue read it out loud to yourself and if possible to someone else, and if it doesn't sound like something you would say normally, revise it so it does.

As a first attempt it's ok but quite dull. It feels a little awkward and the vocabulary is too limited. The dialogue just doesn't really flow at all. It's all a bit trite and cliched. Maybe get some more life experience and read some more established authors on here.

It's kind of sweet and naive and I'm not sure that's what you were trying for or what will appeal in this place. The sex reads like it was written by a virgin who's read too many romance novels