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English
Wow
That was amazing. great peice of writing
Hot Start
Arousing story!
Sorry, but I got pretty disoriented after a few paragraphs. It's shifting between present tense and past tense, second person and first person.
And... the knight took this challenge? was captured? what? Is he out to defeat her? to merely survive? Some hint of what's going on would make me keep reading.
The incorrect grammer in this story is highly distracting, making it impossible to enjoy the story. I stopped reading after the first few paragraphs.
This is a good story ... but the use of second person makes my head hurt, and also makes it sound like an instruction manual!
I think it would have been much better in first person. :)
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