All Comments on 'Carol's Patch Job Ch. 01'

Everything sounds off axis but lets give your creative abilities a chance to pull it all together. It sounds as if the three bitches were selling Janice the idea that Jim was cheating on her... Maybe they even believed it was happening but doing Marge's brother after the previous days conversation does not make much sense and if the kids are still living at home they could have walked in at any time!

Please let's not use the three strike system on cheating, once is cheating period,anyone can make it for a week or two or much longer if need be, with out having to cheat on there spouse,thats a sorry excuse,how can anyone claim cheating was an accident,lol ,an accident is something that happen's that you have no control over,period.

What's up with the dim witted characters phenomenon? To me it's a no brainer - you put silly goofy or simply dumb characters at central junctions of your story and you expect it to help the story - how? A double ticket for free cheating to one's spouse makes much sense to every one right? Where did you scrape this wise man character from? Was the story supposed to be read as a parody? I did not get that impression from the overall tone of the chapter...

A slapstick version of Loving Wife... but enjoyable if you have the proper spirit.

good story about a retarded man and his retarded family. the author proves even if you live in a fantasy world like him you can still function not very well as he shows by his fantasy story but passable.

Very Good start - what will the future bring ??

Did she set him up or is she being st00pid and reacting to bad information??

Just a bit confusing.

What a tangled web we weave...

On to ch.2

what an incomprehensible mess.

Reads like a TCM 1930's comedy, really takes a lot of concentration to get the speakers sorted with such a short intro, lots of potential. Jim is unbelievably good and kind and too forgiving - for cheaters the rule of thumb is not like baseball, it is 'stroke' and you are out. I'm waiting to see what happens next.

DHL

Doesn't anyone understand the importance of proof-reading? This writing borders on the abominable. Just terrible writing.

This story is very disconnected to its title.

From another married man!

So far the story makes absolutely NO SENSE!!!

How did Jim have so much to say about adultery, when he was almost delirious with 106 degrees of temperature?!

Jim didn't do it, but Marge did.

when your mind is not on the same channel. TK U MLJ LV NV

Huh?

You seriously need an editor. I have no idea what you were trying to say, besides something about cheating.

*****That was weird, but entertaining. Thanks for sharing.

Different

Whole story line did not make it.

Well written though.

Written by AI? Now, even a robot wouldn't write something this bad. I mean, Dad's burning up with fever, the daughter is amongst the three witches from Macbeth and her mother. She asks her delirious Pa about adultery, and we get a cross between a Papal Bull and Loving Wives manifesto. Whilst the premise is decent, the writing is indecent. To prospective writers out there, this is what a VERY rough first draft looks like. An editor can clean up this turd in the same manner as a good house flipper can rehab a crack house.