you get names mixed up. Rachel wasn't in this chapter at all, but you called her Rachel several times. Also Sheila was described as a blonde and I don't think auburn is blonde.
[Rachel asked me if we could try some "kinky" games up there. She wanted to be tied up and used anyway I wanted to. She did not want me to ask permission. Then she dropped the bombshell.
"I have been talking to my roommate Sheila about you."]
English
good, but
you get names mixed up. Rachel wasn't in this chapter at all, but you called her Rachel several times. Also Sheila was described as a blonde and I don't think auburn is blonde.
Character Name Correction Req'd
[Rachel asked me if we could try some "kinky" games up there. She wanted to be tied up and used anyway I wanted to. She did not want me to ask permission. Then she dropped the bombshell.
"I have been talking to my roommate Sheila about you."]
"rachel" should be "caroline"
Character name correction req'd
[Looking at Rachel, "Am I in or out? Has he agreed?"]
should be "caroline"
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