Yea, It could use a little editing, but not too much. The best thing is that it has spirit and is writen with passion.One of the drawbacks is that the story is too short, and could have given more lead in to the sex that they had. Other than that it's a good story.Thanks for the post....Rich
English
I think this is a good story
Yea, It could use a little editing, but not too much. The best thing is that it has spirit and is writen with passion.One of the drawbacks is that the story is too short, and could have given more lead in to the sex that they had. Other than that it's a good story.Thanks for the post....Rich
great story
hope you write more about these folkes, don't worry about the critques it was great yarn.
More
You could be really good. But the story was way to short. You need charachter development.
Good start
This is a good start, but a little more character development, and buildup to the main event would make all the difference.
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Sister's Gratitude or
More submissions by EdwardSimms.