by lilamisakh
Z Had a slow start but finished well.. I did not find anything new but the story line held it's own. I am pleased there are so many writers and you are a part of them. Keep it up..
Pretty much standard but hot and good story. I thought having Zoey compare herself to her mother and using that as an argument as to why her Daddy didn't want her, a guilt trip so to speak was a nice original touch!
The story is good. I understood, first off, English is not your first language and read around it. Most of us cannot even call English OUR first language, let alone attempt a second. Keep up the good work and consider an editor. It will make your work even better. And don't apologize- at least you care and tried!
loved the story and wished zoey was my daughter doing that to me mmmmmmmmm
Most stories just go on about them only having sex once...this one kept me entertained for a while...this was a great story! I loved it!
AN EXCELLENT STORY WELL WRITTEN. AND SO VERY HOT AND EROTIC.
ANOTHER PART WOULD BE GOOD.
good story line but please proof read your submissions before you post please overall though decent father daughter fucking and use some other terms other than he slid into his daughters warm wet sheath
I loved it. I love the story line, and how the story unfolded. Your very talented. Zoey reminds me alot of myself.. Great job! Keep up the excellent work!
it was one of the best stories i have read.keep up your good work.
The story was great but you need serious help with grammer. Get an editor or a damn good English book and study it.
Nice and to heck withthose who feel your lack of grammer detracts it does NOT looking forward to more of your tales
Just when I was getting so into it-it stopped. I love when the bad conquer the good! Oh Daddy- Love It
You write as though English is not your first language.......find an editor!!!
Tell me what Zoey's young pussy looked like. Tell me what about her young pussy her daddy liked so much. Tight? Swollen? Pink? Puffy? Fleshy? What was her slit like? Did daddy like running his fingers along her slit because it was so tight he could barely get his large fingers in? I loooove to hear about what the young pussy looks like. Feels like. Smells like. Tastes... Great story, just wanted more enticing words about Zoey's pussy and more taboo talk between 'daddy and his little girl'.... Good read. Give me more detail about daddy playing with and fingering and finally after days of finger fucking, fisting his little girls tiny cunt until it was sore. Then, daddy would have to kiss on it and lick it softly for a while to make his baby girls cunt feel better so he could sink his 10 inch cock inside her swollen meat and fuck her until she begged him to stop. Sorry, you've made my pussy hungry... I did enjoy your story... can you tell?
"Nobody loves you like family" my mom and her sister always told us...
I want my stepdad to shag me too. I'm stacy18_bi@hotmail.com hit me up
While the story line was decent, the grammar was horrible. You really need to work on your sentence structure, spelling and grammar. Also, you use the same phrases over and over again. You are very repetitive and not descriptive enough. This story has the potential to be extremely hot and heavy. I suggest a round of copy editing and possibly a few drafts before posting to make sure that any structural bugs are taken care of. Solid effort and keep writing!
This story has indeed much potential, but the grammar is in great need of repair. Difficult to read, due to the re-reading to get the tenses and proper structure correct, and that kind of ruins the effect, especially when reading aloud. Do edit, and if you cannot, get someone else to do it for you (I know that may be tricky, but it is for the sake of the art) so you can produce top-notch material, you do have what it takes!
The english is pretty bad:/. And...they...keep....talking....like.....this.....
So annoying! Daddy acts like a twelve year old, yeesh.
Actually... considering the fact that english is not your native language it wasn't taht bad.
The "dad" is not acting like a father...
Keep writing... Thanks for sharing this sweet story :)
Well the story was pretty good, all in all, really enjoyed it! ...but the english, oh man! Horrid! Painful! Hehe
There is nothing better then looking into your daughters eye's as you fill her with cumm-- knowing that her pussy is sucking your cumm-- into her womb as she is just finished cumming on your cock
The story in and of itself wasn't bad, what I was able to read. However the bad grammar did it in. I couldn't finish it. It sounds like it was written by someone either very young or someone whose 1st language isn't English. All I could muster was 2 stars.
The story was ok but a little far fetched. I mean, what father is going to believe that his 19 yo is still afraid of thunder and lightening? And the pretending to drown... The first encounter was a bit forced because of that. And spell check is a real thing, you need to learn how to use proper past, present and future tense when you're telling a story or it causes confusion. It's "he came not he cum". Sorry but for some people its very distracting when you're trying to read something that has so many grammatical errors.