It's a good concept, but the whole thing is rushed, slow it down.
by
Anonymous02/16/09
More?
this was good....are you going to add more?
by
Anonymous02/16/09
I have to agree with the previous comments
It shows potential, but there is no detail to the story.
by
Anonymous02/17/09
Get out of shallow end of pool
You are a good writer, but these two come off as high school kids - but both are 4 or 5 years out of college and you picked Harvard and US Naval Acad for God sakes. Hopefully someone from Harvard has more to her life than a silly cheerleader uniform, not to mention the Navy jock. And he has been to hell and back. They need more depth - go for the deep end, more fun that way... Plus who wears their old military get up or cheerleader uniform to their HS reunion. How about some tension between a guy who voluntarily went to war and a woman who after Harvard did what... something interesting and creative (got her MD, maybe) - a killer and a saver. That would add a few chapter and make it more interesting.
Even more interesting - what is they had gotten it on in HS, but broke up over the whole military vs pacificism thing. Now both are more mature, how would they treat it. Throw in the sex and it would be fascinating if you did it right.
English
good concept but....
It's a good concept, but the whole thing is rushed, slow it down.
More?
this was good....are you going to add more?
I have to agree with the previous comments
It shows potential, but there is no detail to the story.
Get out of shallow end of pool
You are a good writer, but these two come off as high school kids - but both are 4 or 5 years out of college and you picked Harvard and US Naval Acad for God sakes. Hopefully someone from Harvard has more to her life than a silly cheerleader uniform, not to mention the Navy jock. And he has been to hell and back. They need more depth - go for the deep end, more fun that way... Plus who wears their old military get up or cheerleader uniform to their HS reunion. How about some tension between a guy who voluntarily went to war and a woman who after Harvard did what... something interesting and creative (got her MD, maybe) - a killer and a saver. That would add a few chapter and make it more interesting.
Even more interesting - what is they had gotten it on in HS, but broke up over the whole military vs pacificism thing. Now both are more mature, how would they treat it. Throw in the sex and it would be fascinating if you did it right.
Really good!!!
This would turn in to a really good romance story if you would keep going with it!!!!
STAT....
I suggest IV's for both of them, STAT to replace the lost fluids!
STAT....
I suggest IV's for both of them, STAT to replace the lost fluids!
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