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Theres much work to be done
Admire your courage in writing. Also click ditto with your fetishes. But unfortunately your story telling requires significant development, construction, grammar and spelling poor- detracts from story. No real story line. Too mechanistic without much build up or eroticism. Your character has one hell of good pick up line "do you want to come to my room" Could have been even more direct "want to suck and fuck I am as horny as a goat" Theres no build up of emotion. Ones trying to create this anticipation, headiness, sense of the unusual, but oh so sexy and pure plain lust Better luck next time
MMMMMMMM...if only it happened to me
If only...we can all dream.
It made me so hard
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