Because I Can

Nice

Hey, nice start!

The writing is really good, it flows smoothly and the dialouge is believable. You're setting the mood pretty well here I think.

I only have two gripes with this tale. Firstly, this really is in the wrong category. The characters feelings may be close to incest, but really this isn't it.

Secondly, it really is a too short a story, even if there will be further chapters in the future. I would consider making the chapters much longer. Unlike many other authors on this site, you clearly have the ability to do very well in this regard.

Thanks for the effort, and I look forward to reading some more from you soon!

Very Good

The emotions described are very realistic. They also would fit many males that I know. Teen years can be damaging. This is a good read.

Because

You Can obviously write and very well - keep going. But please don't degenerate into a wham banger you've set yourself a good standard. Thank you.

Wait until you have more to write about

In my opinion someone has to cum in a story. This may have been an OK, beginning of a story, or even a chapter of a story, but someone needs to climax before the end of the story or chapter.

If you've ever written erotica

You know that, as an author, your mind is WAY ahead of the written word. My guess is that miss_patty climaxed about the time this story did :-p

GREAT START! Keep having fun

Wow good start.

Well welcome to the world of Literotica as an author. Good start. Some part of the story were similar with my own life especially the birthday thing. Thanks for the good story.

Great story

While some have suggested changes,
I find it perfect.

wtf

what the fuck that is a shitty place to end a story it was so short it almost doesn't qualify as a story it needs to be aleast twice as long and you need some background as to who the people are the way it is it's just some girl home and some guy walks in no way for the readers to tell who is whoget a good editor and do a rewrite

oh come on

just bullshit

wtf

they didnot even fuck it is good but you should have made them have days go bye he is embaressed and then he finally gets to put his hard dick in her tight pussy after all the days she goes teasing him

....

What the hell is this shit?

Anxious to see more...

Your style is realistic and paced well. The emotional content is some of the best I have read and a good build up toward an erotic encounter between the two characters. Please do consider continuation of this series as it has incredible potential. I would also suggest ignoring the negative comments by those who are unable to spell erotica let alone understand that sensuality not necessarily sex is what defines the genre.

Where's the rest?

honey, you need a beginning, a middle, and an end. Series? State that up front. Plus is Trent a brother or cousin? It's hard to like him, and Andy is boring and needs a girls name?

Too bad this is Miss Patty's only story. It has real possibilities

Where 's the rest of the story?

I loved this teaser. It's great! when are you going to write more?

Miss Patty!!!

Miss Patty!! You CAN'T stop the story there, that's unimaginably cruel!! One short page and you had my intrest wrapped around your finger! Write woman, write!! ;) (and make it a really, really, long four or five page affair! Hehe;)

I want to see her wrap Trent around her little virgin finger and see where crazy goes! ;)