All Comments on 'Any Chance We Could Ch. 16'

A lot of loose ends are left to find out about. The room with the louvered door, and Scott's big deal,both bring up a lot of curiosity. Thanks for the chapter....Rich

That was a nice Chapter. It was a little bit on the short side from other chapters you've written in this series. I can hardly wait for the next one.

What was the point of this? Besides the fact that it was so short it should've simply been included as part of a real chapter nothing that happened here mattered in the least. People gushed over her ring. We've already seen that. They talked about a new house again. Big deal. They had breakfast together, and he again squeezed their asses and everybody again said ludicrous things. Same ol'. We got to hear more gushing about how wealthy and handsome the dad is. Zzzzzzzz. Was this chapter merely included as a means to help meet that NaNoWriMo contest's bazillion word story minimum? If so, this chapter still wasn't even proper filler. It wasn't erotic or amusing or illuminating. Unless you like reading silly fantasy accounts of stupid softball games where Our Heroines win every game with their singular feats of derring-do this chapter was a total waste of time. Anybody who gives THIS chapter a 100 needs to have their voting privileges revoked. This chapter wasn't any good on any level. I want my five minutes back. I'm just glad it was so short. Three full pages of that drivel would've done me in. Before all is said and done this story will be more than twenty pages long and really it should've been no more than maybe five pages. The rest is just repetitive filler, in an obvious attempt to stretch this thing into a long story. Considering how little content is in this story I'm shocked that people here keep giving 100s to each increasingly stupid and redundant chapter. A good writer who wasn't merely trying to milk this thing for length would've killed with this story.

I guess that about says it all.

I've read all parts of this series and generally its pretty good but this poor chapter highlights several of the short comings.

1. The events are too repetetive. Semi-naked breakfast with just some fondling. Softball or photography during the day and staying at home or going to the country-club in the evening. Some thigh caressing whenever he's in a car.

2. The category tagging of incest is very misleading, there has hardly been any incest in the first 16 chapters. And I think different episodes should be categorized differently, depending on their content.

3. This episode might as well be categorized in Non-Erotic, since the whole erotic part is; kiss in the morning, a thigh stroking in the car (as usual) and finally a one sentence description of the love making in the evening. To have it in incest is a joke. I'm not saying the characters should have more sex but that it should be described more and in more detail.

4. Too long descriptions of non-erotic events, like softball or posing for photography, especially compared to the more and more brief erotic descriptions.

Sorry to say, but this story has been going backwards for several chapters now... The dialogue have improved some at least...