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English
A great start
Ok I am hooked! I will have to stay up and check for your next chapter. I am intrigued with your casting and look forward on how you will play out the game.
I know that when I see "Edmont Grigor" as the author of a tale it would be well worth giving the story a try. Thanks for your efforts in writing.
Please finish this story
Please finish this story. I know at one level it is finished but it was the end of a chapter, not the end of the story.
I didn't enjoy this enough to get past the first page.
When you write in the style where the reader is to remember facts and then later incorporate those facts into understanding the authors meaning it is SO VERY IMPORTANT not to make spelling, tense, gramatical, or word choice errors. Those kinds of mistakes destroyed this story. To read a line ment to establish character intent and then realize that you used the wrong characters name is an unforgivable editing error. anon jerry
How about an epilogue?
This deserves an ending, not people riding off into the sunset. I don't blame Darby but I love happy endings.
Yes, I realize that it is just a story and I like endings on my stories.
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