I like the start of this, but there are some problems. Foremost is the frequent switching of POVs, especially since they are in the first person. You need to pick one, or switch to third-person, I think. If you want to stick with the two first-person POVs, then you need to clearly delineate the section breaks where they switch. I had no idea you'd switched from Lexi to the teacher at first, I had to reread it. Second, and I don't know if this is a US/UK thing or something, but I was confused as to whether this was a high school or a college setting. Sounded like college, but I wasn't sure. You do a good job of setting up the characters.
by
Anonymous04/07/09
I agree with the poster below
I was a bit confused at times when you were switching character roles. Maybe a ****** or ~~~~~~ to separate where the characters pick up and leave off. I think that would clear any confusion on those points. Also make sure to name the next chapter '2' so people can follow it. I had no idea really that this was to be a series because this initial part didn't have a 'part 1' in the title. I like this story so far and also the characters are very likable. Maybe a bit longer chapters though. It seemed a bit too short. I'll def be looking for the next part :)
by
Anonymous04/07/09
A very good begining...
I did like the beginings of this story and to reiterate a few points that have been made before it would certainly help to draw a clearer picture of the characters if you could somehow differentiate when you start to switch.
English
LOVE IT!!!!!!
I LOVED IT!!!! omg i cant wait for the next installment, please be quick :) this was so great !
A bit confusing
I like the start of this, but there are some problems. Foremost is the frequent switching of POVs, especially since they are in the first person. You need to pick one, or switch to third-person, I think. If you want to stick with the two first-person POVs, then you need to clearly delineate the section breaks where they switch. I had no idea you'd switched from Lexi to the teacher at first, I had to reread it. Second, and I don't know if this is a US/UK thing or something, but I was confused as to whether this was a high school or a college setting. Sounded like college, but I wasn't sure. You do a good job of setting up the characters.
I agree with the poster below
I was a bit confused at times when you were switching character roles. Maybe a ****** or ~~~~~~ to separate where the characters pick up and leave off. I think that would clear any confusion on those points. Also make sure to name the next chapter '2' so people can follow it. I had no idea really that this was to be a series because this initial part didn't have a 'part 1' in the title. I like this story so far and also the characters are very likable. Maybe a bit longer chapters though. It seemed a bit too short. I'll def be looking for the next part :)
A very good begining...
I did like the beginings of this story and to reiterate a few points that have been made before it would certainly help to draw a clearer picture of the characters if you could somehow differentiate when you start to switch.
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