Awful! Ghastly dialogue, (very Stepford Wives), mixed tenses... mixed just about everything, actually. Not even sure an editor could help here!
Pretty good for a first time. Don't pay too much attention to criticism of your style. I was happy to see spelling wasn't an issue! Spelling throws me off more than anything else and after all, we read these stories for their stimulation and eroticism. Style will develop as you continue.
Being that they are twins, they should be connected at the soul level. One can start to say something and the other can finish saying it. When one orgasms the other feels it, just like they were having the orgasm themselves. when they fuck, they feel both sides of the orgasm. besides being sexually in love they feel totally in love with each other, to the point that they feel sick when not together. That a part of their body is missing when they aren't together. They can look into each others eyes and know what the other is thinking, so when he tells her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, she know for sure that is what he feels. There's no doubt in their minds that she will be the mother of his children, when the time is right. I really love the concept of this story,Thanks for the good post....Rich
The dialogue could have been better arranged, but so what? I love their seemingly innocent love. Their exploration of each other's bodies and the shower scene are incredible. I guess my viewpoint is a little skewed, though, because I like little bitty titties and some hair down there.
Bristol as a girls name wtf
It's a wonder her brothers name isn't spitfire
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!
orBack to Incest Island Ch. 01
orMore submissions by beaufighter.
Edit comment orSubmit Comment
Comment posted successfully - click here to view it or write another.
Title of your comment:
Your public comment about Incest Island Ch. 01:
Please type in the security codeYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.
Title your feedback:
Your feedback to beaufighter:
If you would like a response, enter your email address in this box:
Feedback sent successfully - click here to write another.
Login or Sign Up
All contents © Copyright 1998-2012. Literotica is a trademark. No part may be reproduced in any form without explicit written permission.
Terms Of Services|Report A Problem|Privacy
Password:Forgot your password?
Your current user avatar, all sizes:
You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.
Select new user avatar:
Upload and save
User avatar uploaded successfuly and waiting for moderation.