Awful! Ghastly dialogue, (very Stepford Wives), mixed tenses... mixed just about everything, actually. Not even sure an editor could help here!
Pretty good for a first time. Don't pay too much attention to criticism of your style. I was happy to see spelling wasn't an issue! Spelling throws me off more than anything else and after all, we read these stories for their stimulation and eroticism. Style will develop as you continue.
Being that they are twins, they should be connected at the soul level. One can start to say something and the other can finish saying it. When one orgasms the other feels it, just like they were having the orgasm themselves. when they fuck, they feel both sides of the orgasm. besides being sexually in love they feel totally in love with each other, to the point that they feel sick when not together. That a part of their body is missing when they aren't together. They can look into each others eyes and know what the other is thinking, so when he tells her that she is the most beautiful woman in the world, she know for sure that is what he feels. There's no doubt in their minds that she will be the mother of his children, when the time is right. I really love the concept of this story,Thanks for the good post....Rich
The dialogue could have been better arranged, but so what? I love their seemingly innocent love. Their exploration of each other's bodies and the shower scene are incredible. I guess my viewpoint is a little skewed, though, because I like little bitty titties and some hair down there.
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