Dance with the Devil Ch. 09

so much drama!

Ok first off, I'm thinking that was a good tactic Marcellus used to get Darien away, using Rya like that. I don't think Rya deserves that kind of pressure but she's not the one pregnant and will actually listen to directions unlike Darien. However, the one glaring character flaw that I see in Darien is that she keeps giving in to Marcellus and going against her word. She said it was over, then they're back together w/o a by your leave. She says no sleeping together, they boning that same night, no marriage until he's out the business, and lo and behold he's not quiet out the business but they're married. I think she needs to work on that one. I'm not saying she needs to be unbending and unflexible but she needs to stick to what she says though.

Kinda Disappointed

I've been waiting for this submission from you and I'm sadden to say that I was quite disappointed. If I remember correctly, you said that this was the final chapter for this story. I was hoping for a different ending with more dramatic affairs and what not. Nevertheless, it was a good chapter but it wasn't great. In my opinion, you left the ending to open but then again, maybe that's what you wanted. Your writing style is good and keep on writing and I do look forward to newer submission from you.

AWWW SHIT!!!

There is not a thing disappointing about this!! Strike out the previous comment! I wanna see what happens next. Keep doing that damn thing

A new Fan

I just saw that ch 9 had posted today, and before reading it thought I would see what the first chapter was like...I immediately loved this story. (I'm kind of glad I didn't notice it before...I would have bitten all my nails off waiting for updated chapters...LOL)

I hope there is at least another chapter to see the outcome of Marcellus' plan. I am definitely looking forward to reading more of your submissions. Thanks!

Good but not great

This was a good chapter but it wasn't great. If Darien is going to be a woman of her words, she needs to stick to it. You have her giving in everytime...For instance, her saying no to sex to Marcellus but gives in. Her saying no to marriage but gives in. I just don't get it. You make her seem weak and vulnerable. You have prospect of being a great writer but it needs more umph and people sticking to their words.

I Disagree

I disagree w/ the comments made by Anonymous in New York. I feel that Darien's submission to Marcellus was due to how much love she has for him. She didn't appear to weak and vunerable to me, she seemed to be in love.

almost as good as.....

I sat here for the past 2 hours reading this voraciously. It's a wonderful deliciously complex story. I think Derian's submission is perfectly timed and unbearably sexy. Your description of her desire for Marcellus is vivid. I'm starving for chapter 10. Come on Pleeeaase!

UPDATE

PLEASE UPDATE.

WAAAAAAAAAY TOO FAST

There is no build up in this story, we don't really know anything about the characters. It all happends so fast. I don't find thier relationship believable because there was no time for them to really fall in love.

Good except......

Who the hell is Stephanie? I do believe that Devin's girlfriend is named Minka.

Goodness

Right here is a flavorful story with many twists and turns.

IFY

I don't know if I liked this fiction because at times I like the idea of what you're trying to establish but then the characters are so contradicting and repetitive in their actions. I actually like Church/Rya more than Darien/Marcellus because their relationship was more realistic. Top that off, with all the chapters presented, I still know as much about Church/Rya as I do about Darien/Marcellus which is sad because it isn't much at all; none of the main characters were really developed. And that, I believe, is one of the deciding factors between a good fiction and a great one. This story is good but it could've been great with some editing...and I say editing because a good editor would have recognized where your story was lacking and informed/helped you in those specific areas.

WTF?? This is CRAZY!!!!

It just got real... I'm so excited

Yup

ThiS story is the bomb-diggity!! Pun intended lol