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Whiskey and some ice

bydarkmaas©
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by Anonymous

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by Epmd60703/09/09

Quality idea

but for me you didn't execute, aside from this portion:

You had been to midnight mass
in boots and sheepskin
eaten of His flesh
His blood sacristy-sweet
upon your breath

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by bflagsst03/09/09

tense issue

In the last stanza I can't find the tense relation to the rest of the poem. It seems like we have present, then recall and voice in past, but then where are you at the end? Anyway, "Christ's holy slut" is weak/lazy, going from sacristy-sweet to something as blunt and inelegant doesn't work here. I agree, it does seem like lack of execution on a solid idea.

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