All Comments on 'Amelia the Pirate Queen Ch. 01'

How can possibly a girl enjoy her first moment when there isn’t any foreplay? How possibly can she enjoy it when she’s not wet enough? C’mon buddy—you need to know the subject before you even write about it.

Hiya. I believe all feedback should be constructive, and I noted this is your first bit of published material too, so congratulations, and thanks for taking the plunge to share your work with us all.

I like how you've introduced some good detail about the ship, but it comes across as clumsily done, in the first sentence. Can I suggest you advertise for an editor in the lit forums - they can really help with giving your piece a second opinion from a readers perspective. How we view things are writers is with a deeper level of understanding than joe public who only knows what they read on the page.

This will probably help the rape/virginity/sex/orgasm??? scene flow better too.

Currently it is difficult to believe in the character as real, as she doesn't act as a normal human would. Same goes for the pirate with the bleeding chest wound, who suffers no pain and has an instant boner... an editor can help with that.

However, I do like the story, and where it's going. I can see a lot of potential there, and I'd like to see more of it, so please don't give up, keep bashing away and let us read more.

JJ