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English
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It can't really get any worse can it? Pathetic people do pathetic things and this these people and the writer who made them are certainly that.
The last two chapters
were too short.
Like the story and writing
But agree the chapters are too short and do not feel like enough happened to move the story a full step forward.
I have been trying to figure where it's going
What is he going to do when he seduces her? will he pimp her out to all of his business partners. She'll make a good little whore when he trains her. She will fuck for the business, but will enjoy all of the variety of men.
A little faster submitting.
Not a bad story but it's moving along kind of slow. Also in the last chapter he already ha sex with her. You stopped in this chapter not even mentioning it.
Her husband is somewhat is responsible also trying to get in the other wife's panties.
We've been there alread, time to move on to what comes next. Also to long in between such short chapters.
Good but...
It seems like you are trying to stretch out the number of chapters, they are far too short. "Playing at work..." could have been done in eight chapters not seventeen. I'm not talking about cutting the story down, just double up the chapters.
Take "Second Thoughts" for example, part one was six pages long on this site, and part two, three, and four should have just been combined into a second part and submitted. Not enough is happening is your "chapters" to justify making them so short.
to many
cliché served. your are writing like the guys who do soap operas, the cheaper the cliché the more they use it. seen it so many times read it so many times = boring.
Now Jen is desiring another woman's husband...
and is probably not giving a damned if she gets pregnant in the process, by him.
why do we bother
Surely the white race is doomed. Only blacks know how to make our women squirm , I don't think. This is what spoils a decent story for me, they can even tell what your woman was thinking during the week, what crap!
TOO HOT AND HORNY
YES IT WAS THE ULTIMATE IN SWAPPING. I ENJOYED IT TOO MUCH THAT I MASTURBATED MY PUSSY WITH MY 2 FINGERS 3 TIMES BEFORE I FINISHED ALL THE PARTS,-----RINA
rinakishna3@yahoo.co.in
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