I'm not "into" sibling incest stories, but - for me - this was more a story of two strangers learning to love each other as they learned who the other person was. I feel you handled the family scenes and conversations very well. Your story made me feel as if I was a spectator watching real events unfold. You did a great job of explaining the family culture of the parents / children. This story was as well written as is possible. Thanks for a caring, thoughtful, and sensuous reading experience.
by
Anonymous04/05/09
Great!
A nice, well put together story. The plot is good, your editor did good. It's also nice to see a story like this rather than the junk we see submitted these days.
her desire, her determination and her frustration. It really was heartbreaking, when she couldn't manage to break her hymen on her own. The look on her face, her plaintive whisper of "Please, help me," that was a beautifully written scene. Thanks for a great story.
by
Anonymous04/05/09
shows potential
Liked the writing. The dialog and characters are, mostly, well done. The emotion and caring really comes through superbly.
But the basic premise is far-fetched and is never explained. Parents do behave biased but not to this extreme - there had to be a reason. Neither is the transition from wanting to know her brother to nudity and sex explained - it doesn't fully fit the character.
That was a great story. I liked the way you describe the emotions between brother and sister. It was nice to see is the sister did care about the brother even though the parents did not care about her brother she did.
by
Anonymous04/11/09
Excellent story, quite tender and it built up the tension and released said quite nicely. I hope to read more of this pair in the very near future.
I didn't give it a complete 100% for some factual/regionally incorrect points (probably being too snobbish in this, however, please take it in the helpful spirit in which it is intended): it would appear our pair are supposed to be in the United States as evidenced by comments about being sent "upstate" and "in some states," etc; however, your usage of words like "mum" and "mummy" as well as phrases like "fancy a trip" belie your English location. There's nothing wrong with them in their own right, but they are not "in character" for Americans (I cannot say I would be successful, myself, in trying to imitate, say, an Australian or Frenchman or some such, so I'm not trying to speak from a high horse).
An excellent story as I said, and hope to read more very soon! ~ LePretre
by
Anonymous04/11/09
Yes, an excellent story . . .
but your usages of 'there' for 'their', 'your' for 'you're' and a few more caused a little stutter-step as I read, until I simply read around them. The premise was subtle, and warm. At least you have the fortitude to write! I don't think I'd have it in me. Good work, hope to see more of you . . . . and Keyleigh! Perhaps in a future chapter, Mum and Dad could be shown the error of their ways? Give them a chance ;-).
Good job with the story line but you really need to re-read your stories before finalizing them. The editing is horrible. Your sentences run together and other things are misplaced. Either re-read them carefully or enlist the help of an editor. Of course, that's only if you're serious about your work and if you take pride in it. Otherwise, great story.
This is a great story. There a still a few gramatical errors and also some spelling errors, but, all things considered, this is definitely a Dynamite Story. Please keep writing.
A good underlying story but perhaps you should edit it yourself rather than relying on Violetlittle. Definitely written in American rather than English. Too many errors in the text distracted from the story. not a bad effort though
I enjoy reading the comments from others telling the author to ignore the bad comments. There are no bad comments. There are constructive criticism. It seems that the 16 year old readers can't handle reading constructive comments. I gave the author some tips that I thought were good for his future endeavors and then others say for the author to ignore the comments. If that's the case, he'll never improve.
Get over it, people. This IS a hot story. It had a few flaws that can be corrected and doesn't make the story less hot. It's called constructive criticism. The inability of some to deal with constructive criticism is a sure sign of immaturity.
This writer has an obvious talent for creating interesting scenerios. His imagination greatly overwhelms the minor grammatical errors. The lack of a well grounded education in grammar speaks more critically of the poor quality of the current educational systems than it does of Keyleigh's abilities. It is said that "Those that CAN, DO! Those that CAN'T, TEACH!" The pitiful excuses that call themselves "schools" are perfect illustrations of the accuracy of that statement. The poor, ignorant fools that seem to enjoy finding minor errors in the efforts of good writers need to "grow up" and try to improve their own abilities before throwing rocks at their "betters". If their little egos are that desperately in need of nurturing, perhaps they would be more comfortable in the childrens section of a library.
that can't keep it straight that "Keyleigh" is the character, "markelly" is the WRITER!
Sorry about that, Mr. Markelly.
de Jay
by
03/15/15
Excellent conclusion to a well written story. I'll pretend the last two chapters don't exist.
I took a quick glance at chapter two and immediately closed the tab. Far be it from me to criticize your judgement, but if you want to ruin your stories then go ahead.
Regardless, this story gets a 5/5. Both of the main characters were well written and the held the story together well. It had a good plot and an excellent ending. As far as I care, this is where the story ends. It gets all five stars.
English
Wonderfully Written
I'm not "into" sibling incest stories, but - for me - this was more a story of two strangers learning to love each other as they learned who the other person was. I feel you handled the family scenes and conversations very well. Your story made me feel as if I was a spectator watching real events unfold. You did a great job of explaining the family culture of the parents / children. This story was as well written as is possible. Thanks for a caring, thoughtful, and sensuous reading experience.
Great!
A nice, well put together story. The plot is good, your editor did good. It's also nice to see a story like this rather than the junk we see submitted these days.
Great story
Well done
Loved how you described Keyleigh;
her desire, her determination and her frustration. It really was heartbreaking, when she couldn't manage to break her hymen on her own. The look on her face, her plaintive whisper of "Please, help me," that was a beautifully written scene. Thanks for a great story.
shows potential
Liked the writing. The dialog and characters are, mostly, well done. The emotion and caring really comes through superbly.
But the basic premise is far-fetched and is never explained. Parents do behave biased but not to this extreme - there had to be a reason. Neither is the transition from wanting to know her brother to nudity and sex explained - it doesn't fully fit the character.
Fixing those gaps would make it a great story!
-JT
great
I like it very much it was very touching
you done a great job
For your first incest stories it is great
Great
Don't normally like incest stories but this was hot and sexy. Thank you for sharing.
GREAT STORY!!!
That was a great story. I liked the way you describe the emotions between brother and sister. It was nice to see is the sister did care about the brother even though the parents did not care about her brother she did.
Excellent story, quite tender and it built up the tension and released said quite nicely. I hope to read more of this pair in the very near future.
I didn't give it a complete 100% for some factual/regionally incorrect points (probably being too snobbish in this, however, please take it in the helpful spirit in which it is intended): it would appear our pair are supposed to be in the United States as evidenced by comments about being sent "upstate" and "in some states," etc; however, your usage of words like "mum" and "mummy" as well as phrases like "fancy a trip" belie your English location. There's nothing wrong with them in their own right, but they are not "in character" for Americans (I cannot say I would be successful, myself, in trying to imitate, say, an Australian or Frenchman or some such, so I'm not trying to speak from a high horse).
An excellent story as I said, and hope to read more very soon! ~ LePretre
Yes, an excellent story . . .
but your usages of 'there' for 'their', 'your' for 'you're' and a few more caused a little stutter-step as I read, until I simply read around them. The premise was subtle, and warm. At least you have the fortitude to write! I don't think I'd have it in me. Good work, hope to see more of you . . . . and Keyleigh! Perhaps in a future chapter, Mum and Dad could be shown the error of their ways? Give them a chance ;-).
.
Good job with the story line but you really need to re-read your stories before finalizing them. The editing is horrible. Your sentences run together and other things are misplaced. Either re-read them carefully or enlist the help of an editor. Of course, that's only if you're serious about your work and if you take pride in it. Otherwise, great story.
I enjoyed this one very much.
I didn't come to this site to practice being a literary critic, I read for entertainment and this story certainly accomplished that; FIVE STARS!
great story
ignore the bad comments and just keep writing i love your stories
Dynamite Story
This is a great story. There a still a few gramatical errors and also some spelling errors, but, all things considered, this is definitely a Dynamite Story. Please keep writing.
A good story spoiled
A good underlying story but perhaps you should edit it yourself rather than relying on Violetlittle. Definitely written in American rather than English. Too many errors in the text distracted from the story. not a bad effort though
.
I enjoy reading the comments from others telling the author to ignore the bad comments. There are no bad comments. There are constructive criticism. It seems that the 16 year old readers can't handle reading constructive comments. I gave the author some tips that I thought were good for his future endeavors and then others say for the author to ignore the comments. If that's the case, he'll never improve.
Get over it, people. This IS a hot story. It had a few flaws that can be corrected and doesn't make the story less hot. It's called constructive criticism. The inability of some to deal with constructive criticism is a sure sign of immaturity.
I agree completely, Dimmu
This writer has an obvious talent for creating interesting scenerios. His imagination greatly overwhelms the minor grammatical errors. The lack of a well grounded education in grammar speaks more critically of the poor quality of the current educational systems than it does of Keyleigh's abilities. It is said that "Those that CAN, DO! Those that CAN'T, TEACH!" The pitiful excuses that call themselves "schools" are perfect illustrations of the accuracy of that statement. The poor, ignorant fools that seem to enjoy finding minor errors in the efforts of good writers need to "grow up" and try to improve their own abilities before throwing rocks at their "betters". If their little egos are that desperately in need of nurturing, perhaps they would be more comfortable in the childrens section of a library.
de Jay
poor ignorant fool
that can't keep it straight that "Keyleigh" is the character, "markelly" is the WRITER!
Sorry about that, Mr. Markelly.
de Jay
Excellent conclusion to a well written story. I'll pretend the last two chapters don't exist.
I took a quick glance at chapter two and immediately closed the tab. Far be it from me to criticize your judgement, but if you want to ruin your stories then go ahead.
Regardless, this story gets a 5/5. Both of the main characters were well written and the held the story together well. It had a good plot and an excellent ending. As far as I care, this is where the story ends. It gets all five stars.
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