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Part 1, good; Part 2, beyond stupid
This read like a bad joke, starting with naming the protagonist's cock. And naming it after a sadist, just brilliant. Near the end it just devolves into a mess of haphazardly placed epilogues.
Hmmm...
This was not as good as the first part. I mean, it was good to see Dave and Gabby growing and doing different things, but somehow this felt forced. The emotional connection with the characters that you had in the first part was missing. The first was a good story of people finding themselves and each other; this part was... well, not like that.
Comment on comments
Well, I've clearly missed the mark on this one. But as the boxer who lost 21 of 21 fights by knockout said, "You can't win 'em all".
It was intended as a final windup for David and I guess I struggled for that ending. So the comment about the epilogues might be right.
As for Gabrielle calling his cock "Lord Vlad". I thought she showed a sense of humor and irony. However like the first commentor, David didn't agree.
However, both of them would agree that someone who labels earnest efforts as "stupid" probably isn't worth taking too much notice of.
Comment on "Comment on Comments"
I loved part 1 but part 2 was practically a lost cause. The collection of epilogues comments was probably right on target!
So, why not go back to part 1 and start a totally new part 2? Keep them, the business, and the Camaro but work on their concept of wanting to help people. Maybe start with Gabby's mother if she is still alive, get married, start a family and work from there.
What happened????
Part 1 was good then Part went down the toilet faster than a lead turd - WHY did you have to fuck it up with all that nonsense? You totally destroyed what was a good story with all that crap. How stupid is that?
You don't have to like it, but why insult me? -
From the author
OK, I agree, this story didn't work. It was probably flawed from the outset. Erotica needs a sense of discovery, the excitement of the first time and in this one there was a couple who had already done all that. And no new sexual partners.
Fine, mark it down. Say you don't like it if that's what you feel. Say what parts don't work for you. I'll read those comments and take notice of them.
But, hey, easy on the abuse! I tried.
"Stupid" and "Crap" say more about the writers of those comments than it does about the piece.
Cheers GWB
I liked it.
I enjoyed the first part: the struggles to get the damaged mind sets and damaged life styles back to a situation of self respect and belief in self worth.
I liked the second part, too! To me, this showed minds now above the insecurities that had previously depressed both characters, and it was a vehicle for free thought, shall we say? Maybe this could have happened, who knows. But the 'stream of consciousness' of the author in weaving a looser narrative cloth was pleasant, and it carried a picture of a fulfilled and confident life. Hey, who wants more? Well done.
Great story.....
Great story, great read and a great ending - keep up the good work!!!!
trying to figure out what Ch. 02 has to do with Ch. 01
I not sure, other than sharing names, these characters are even the same people.
and sorry, but anal straight to oral is a major turn off.
@rightbank
Completely agree with you bro
???
5*'s to a 1* ch1 to ch2?????
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