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English
The main problem with these latest poems
is that you have to read the whole series to make sense of each one. This is a pretty good addition to the series, though the word "befall" seems wrong to me. (That could just be me, of course.) The series is excellent, by the way, and resonates with me in a manner I can't easily explain.
just a suggestion
You know I am a fan of your poems and I hope you do not mind if I critique here in the comment section.
First line: could have been be instead, was?
Last two lines could be better. They seem to be too matter of fact and not as "poetic" as the rest. Perhaps this is intentional to reflect the realism revealed, but I think the image of him making snow angels could be softened.
something like this?
Now while I evaporate
he brushes angels
in the new fallen snow
???
enjoyed, thanks for letting me play
just a suggestion
You know I am a fan of your poems and I hope you do not mind if I critique here in the comment section.
First line: could have been be instead, was?
Last two lines could be better. They seem to be too matter of fact and not as "poetic" as the rest. Perhaps this is intentional to reflect the realism revealed, but I think the image of him making snow angels could be softened.
something like this?
Now while I evaporate
he brushes angels
in the new fallen snow
???
enjoyed, thanks for letting me play
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