This only makes sense if it is part of a longer story. As a stand alone tale I would not even give it 50. Where I would score would depend on further development.
the story tells everything the reader needs to now about the relationship of both couples. I see no reason for a sequel. Sometimes writing is best when it is spare. The author has made a few sure swift strokes and given us a minimalist painting of two relationships.
sometimes have to make hugely difficult decisions that are as much practical as they are moral. When two partners come to an agreement that satisfies both their needs, and also is an expression of their love, there is not much argument. My only quibble is that you did not show them being loving to each other. Even if they are not sexually active, if she is a stunning as you describe, then he would still take great pleasure in holding and cuddling, even kissing her. And she really loves him after the gift he gives her, she should be with him as much as possible. That is what I would have like to see. Then the story could be in the romantic section, or then maybe it would be a real loving wife and husband story.
by
Anonymous04/25/09
Interesting story of two very mixed up couples.
I don't agree with marrying someone just for the sake of it. Even if it saves that persons life. The fact that TED is fucking around on Janice is also another thing that messes up this story. Ted has this sexy woman who will do anything for him and what does he do he fucks around on her! Why? he claims he loves Janice. I don't think so. I think he is at the mercy of his hormones. And the wife is just as bad.
by
Anonymous04/25/09
If you marry somebody
Who cant have sex with you, then you should be happy with oral sex. If the wife cared a fucking shit abt the hubby, then she would be happy with licking and fingering. And to satisfy somebody, you dont need fuck lessions with a whore. This story just promotes cheating.
Much more depth than just sex, although the sex was well done. It galls me that so many of the comments on submissions are from "Anonymous". Maybe the link to leave an anonymous comment should be eliminated. Let's act like adults and leave our name whether we hate it or love it.
Nice light little story! The comments are fun as well...
by
Anonymous04/25/09
ok
your story but not good.
by
Anonymous04/25/09
There is a very good reason why readers want
To be Anonymous. Take the Ohio story for instance somebody said something and just because they had a beef with the writer they slagged him off? Why? makes no sense. That's why We like to be unnameable.
First there were no surprises after the first two or three lines. The story as written was a logical development of one of the possible alternatives. The fact that you. the reader, would not ever put yourself in a similar situation does not make it unreal or invalid. I could not assume any of the roles myself..... but thank the author for nice work!
Nice, tightly controlled story. Just one minor point -- check the meaning of "riven" as you have used it: "dark-fur coat that was open and was protecting her back from being riven with splinters." Riven with splinters? Hardly.
"wrenched open, torn apart, shred to pieces" - sounds like perfect usage to me! Great story - ignore the idiots who feel the need to moralise on a work of fiction!
by
Anonymous04/29/09
such a simple truth
from the sometimes awkward sitaution of just living. i was not shocked w ted and thought it closed it out nicely
English
I do not know
This only makes sense if it is part of a longer story. As a stand alone tale I would not even give it 50. Where I would score would depend on further development.
the story is complete
the story tells everything the reader needs to now about the relationship of both couples. I see no reason for a sequel. Sometimes writing is best when it is spare. The author has made a few sure swift strokes and given us a minimalist painting of two relationships.
Well done.
This is a very cleverly written story.
I enjoyed it a great deal.
Great story
Liked it a lot. Very well written. Definately one of the best on the site.
Consenting adults
sometimes have to make hugely difficult decisions that are as much practical as they are moral. When two partners come to an agreement that satisfies both their needs, and also is an expression of their love, there is not much argument. My only quibble is that you did not show them being loving to each other. Even if they are not sexually active, if she is a stunning as you describe, then he would still take great pleasure in holding and cuddling, even kissing her. And she really loves him after the gift he gives her, she should be with him as much as possible. That is what I would have like to see. Then the story could be in the romantic section, or then maybe it would be a real loving wife and husband story.
Interesting story of two very mixed up couples.
I don't agree with marrying someone just for the sake of it. Even if it saves that persons life. The fact that TED is fucking around on Janice is also another thing that messes up this story. Ted has this sexy woman who will do anything for him and what does he do he fucks around on her! Why? he claims he loves Janice. I don't think so. I think he is at the mercy of his hormones. And the wife is just as bad.
If you marry somebody
Who cant have sex with you, then you should be happy with oral sex. If the wife cared a fucking shit abt the hubby, then she would be happy with licking and fingering. And to satisfy somebody, you dont need fuck lessions with a whore. This story just promotes cheating.
Captured the essence of Love
Much more depth than just sex, although the sex was well done. It galls me that so many of the comments on submissions are from "Anonymous". Maybe the link to leave an anonymous comment should be eliminated. Let's act like adults and leave our name whether we hate it or love it.
Ahahahaha
Nice light little story! The comments are fun as well...
ok
your story but not good.
There is a very good reason why readers want
To be Anonymous. Take the Ohio story for instance somebody said something and just because they had a beef with the writer they slagged him off? Why? makes no sense. That's why We like to be unnameable.
Well Told Tale
First there were no surprises after the first two or three lines. The story as written was a logical development of one of the possible alternatives. The fact that you. the reader, would not ever put yourself in a similar situation does not make it unreal or invalid. I could not assume any of the roles myself..... but thank the author for nice work!
Good Work
Nice, tightly controlled story. Just one minor point -- check the meaning of "riven" as you have used it: "dark-fur coat that was open and was protecting her back from being riven with splinters." Riven with splinters? Hardly.
Riven...
"wrenched open, torn apart, shred to pieces" - sounds like perfect usage to me! Great story - ignore the idiots who feel the need to moralise on a work of fiction!
such a simple truth
from the sometimes awkward sitaution of just living. i was not shocked w ted and thought it closed it out nicely
Is this love?
Not that I can figure.
The prof is DEAD wimp
And a douche bag
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to The Quality of Love or
More submissions by sr71plt.