I would however question why the hero of the story can't find a woman to love him. Perhaps the problem wasn't the wife but husband? And what is with these stories that have couples staying together in loveless marriages? Surely if the marriage is over it's better there is a clean break. Not this will they or won't they thing. Anyway nicely written and a good read. I am looking forward to your next story.
by
Anonymous05/02/09
What was the point?
It's not as if there was any major problem with the story, but there just didn't seem to be any point to it. You get to the end, and just say — 'so what?'
by
Anonymous05/02/09
Sorry but people stay in loveless marriages for
their entire lives. The wife was a total slut and deserved to be divorced and lose custody of the child. He was to kind to her. Keeping her as a nanny and housekeeper really wasnt very good, you can get young girls to do that and be a lot younger. The comments about being in dough with a cuddler is silly. There is an old saying that needs to be consider strongly. If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you are with. Put another way you have enough money to have a new filly in the stable for a few months each time. A few nice dresses and such and she will fuck your brains out, then you can pass her down and get a new one. One person said what is the point, the point is life goes on.
Interesting. I guess the pictures really did finish the first relationship, although seven years of penance seems like enough to me. I think I would have forgiven her, knocked her up a few more times, and kept her on a short leash.
Off to a great start and a not-too-bad middle. The ending, though, was abrupt and sort of left me wondering "Whaa?" Almost like you suddenly got tired of it and ended it in a few short sentences.
Started low and went down from there -a big no no for any aspiring writer. No conflict and resolution - just ongoing gloom from start to end. See the rest of the comments with the same general idea.
This is a substitute for that first version where he invited
her to a dinner with his friends, offered a chance to come clean and then fried her at the dinner table with the testimony of his friends, isn't it? I do think that it improved from their in terms of readability and clarification of their relationship. This time she went much further than was in the first version. I agree that the idea of going seven years without love appears a bit over the top!
find em....keep em....lose em....be friends, HUH....TK U MLJ LV NV
by
Anonymous02/23/14
My vote for this story/chapter is only a 3/5 because it is one of your more unpolished works. Although the plot of the story is interesting enough, some scenes aren't that good while some are missing completely and lets not even talk about the technical quality of the writing, because it feels as if it wasn't beta-read by anyone. All of that would be easy to correct, so I wonder why you didn't do that already.
by
Anonymous03/19/15
Well that was odd
Yes people stay married because of children. But kids are very adaptive at a young age and Billy would have been better off if his parents had divorced right off the bat. What message were they sending to him when they led separate lives and slept in separate bedrooms? And what was with Cindy? They were doing fine while Billy wasn't with them, they did fine when he was with them and then Billy leaves and they fall apart? That part seemed unexplained and it passed in a flash. In fact the end came suddenly. Not good.
Story written in 2009
A 64 year old guy telling the story.
On his 30th birthday he mentions her answering an email from one of the band members two years before.
How many housewives had email in 1973?
At the top of chapter 2 writer says this is basically a true story.
by
Anonymous06/29/15
Lmfao @ TwO
He stated that it's based on reality not it is reality, he also states that he has taken literary license. You're trying to harp on something that's not an issue and for what?
English
Might have been...
O.K. but even in fantasyland No person would stay in a loveless sexless "marriage" for years.Never.Ever.Pistolpackinpete
I thought it okay.
I would however question why the hero of the story can't find a woman to love him. Perhaps the problem wasn't the wife but husband? And what is with these stories that have couples staying together in loveless marriages? Surely if the marriage is over it's better there is a clean break. Not this will they or won't they thing. Anyway nicely written and a good read. I am looking forward to your next story.
What was the point?
It's not as if there was any major problem with the story, but there just didn't seem to be any point to it. You get to the end, and just say — 'so what?'
Sorry but people stay in loveless marriages for
their entire lives. The wife was a total slut and deserved to be divorced and lose custody of the child. He was to kind to her. Keeping her as a nanny and housekeeper really wasnt very good, you can get young girls to do that and be a lot younger. The comments about being in dough with a cuddler is silly. There is an old saying that needs to be consider strongly. If you cant be with the one you love, love the one you are with. Put another way you have enough money to have a new filly in the stable for a few months each time. A few nice dresses and such and she will fuck your brains out, then you can pass her down and get a new one. One person said what is the point, the point is life goes on.
Sad but Well Written Story
Interesting. I guess the pictures really did finish the first relationship, although seven years of penance seems like enough to me. I think I would have forgiven her, knocked her up a few more times, and kept her on a short leash.
Ending was too abrupt
Off to a great start and a not-too-bad middle. The ending, though, was abrupt and sort of left me wondering "Whaa?" Almost like you suddenly got tired of it and ended it in a few short sentences.
someone wake me up WHEN
there is a story here
Down and down downer
Started low and went down from there -a big no no for any aspiring writer. No conflict and resolution - just ongoing gloom from start to end. See the rest of the comments with the same general idea.
Strange Story
This is a substitute for that first version where he invited
her to a dinner with his friends, offered a chance to come clean and then fried her at the dinner table with the testimony of his friends, isn't it? I do think that it improved from their in terms of readability and clarification of their relationship. This time she went much further than was in the first version. I agree that the idea of going seven years without love appears a bit over the top!
Good Read
Thanks for sharing.
Decent
The question is, how come he had such bad luck with women? How could he go seven years without sex? I guess we'll see in chapter two.
A PATTERN DEVELOPS
find em....keep em....lose em....be friends, HUH....TK U MLJ LV NV
My vote for this story/chapter is only a 3/5 because it is one of your more unpolished works. Although the plot of the story is interesting enough, some scenes aren't that good while some are missing completely and lets not even talk about the technical quality of the writing, because it feels as if it wasn't beta-read by anyone. All of that would be easy to correct, so I wonder why you didn't do that already.
Well that was odd
Yes people stay married because of children. But kids are very adaptive at a young age and Billy would have been better off if his parents had divorced right off the bat. What message were they sending to him when they led separate lives and slept in separate bedrooms? And what was with Cindy? They were doing fine while Billy wasn't with them, they did fine when he was with them and then Billy leaves and they fall apart? That part seemed unexplained and it passed in a flash. In fact the end came suddenly. Not good.
not much to get behind in this storyline. Very thin. Thanks for the offering.
timeline ???
Story written in 2009
A 64 year old guy telling the story.
On his 30th birthday he mentions her answering an email from one of the band members two years before.
How many housewives had email in 1973?
At the top of chapter 2 writer says this is basically a true story.
Lmfao @ TwO
He stated that it's based on reality not it is reality, he also states that he has taken literary license. You're trying to harp on something that's not an issue and for what?
5*****
Fucking great.
Huh?
While I was having coffee i saw a donut and ate it. Thats like your story?
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