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It needs a second read!
You really need to re-read it, or better yet, get someone else to. Someone else will be able to spot the errors you're missing because your mind is reading ahead. There are choppy sentences, and huge jumps from one point to another. I didn't read past the point when they got home after a test-ride with the saleswoman. Where did she come from? And all of a sudden they're back home? Now that I've totally pissed on your parade, please don't take this as mean-spirited, and most of all, don't give up. You've already gone further than I have, by submitting something!
Take Fully
I have to agree with the prior comment. Your very first sentence has a typo "take fully" instead of "thankfully". Great story line, but the mistakes are too distracting.
Me three
Yes, jeninflorida, you have a good imagination, and your story buzzes with promise, but the errors are very distracting and sometimes confusing. Get a reviewer or put the work down for a day or two and rework it with a fresh mind. Let your spell/grammar checker help, too. Give the comments' suggestions a shot and give us more!
Don't use the spell checker to proof read.
It became obvious early on that you were using the spell-checker to proof read and that's a big mistake. Having said that, the story was interesting with an amusing twist but the execution was off-putting. Get someone else to proof read it. If you do it yourself you don't always spot the mistakes, your head knows what you wanted to say and you don't always pick them up. Don't take this criticism out of context, I look forward to reading more from you in future.
all over the place
Sorry but where I loved your 'Hot Tub' story I hated this. So difficult to read, it's all over the place.
Do you not re-read them after you write them?
Great Read, But A Little "Something" Missing
Other than the finish of some of the sentences, there's "a little something else missing". Pantyhose! Great story, but how did it wind up in pantyhose. Give us a sequel, but give us pantyhose, too!
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