A very good start, but it needs some polish. There are a couple of POV switches that are slightly distracting and you end it abruptly. You spent more time on the lead up then the sex scene so that it almost feels as if you are glossing/rushing over the sex. All in all, I'd say almost there. :) Keep writing, it'd be interesting to see what you can do.
by
Anonymous05/13/09
Well Done !!
You got me going ,my juices were flowing. I hope you will do some chapters and tell us of her life with the Devil.
Joan V @ The Jersey Shore
by
Anonymous05/13/09
Wow
What a great story. I don't know if I liked that it was so short and rushed, to me, or if I would of liked it be longer and more detailed lol . Looking forward to more chapters, hopefully.
by
Anonymous05/13/09
FAIRLEY SILLY REALLEY
Some of the things the devil says are quite silly. eg thats a very sweet pussy I smell? Come on that is pretty awful.
English
Needs a little polish
A very good start, but it needs some polish. There are a couple of POV switches that are slightly distracting and you end it abruptly. You spent more time on the lead up then the sex scene so that it almost feels as if you are glossing/rushing over the sex. All in all, I'd say almost there. :) Keep writing, it'd be interesting to see what you can do.
Well Done !!
You got me going ,my juices were flowing. I hope you will do some chapters and tell us of her life with the Devil.
Joan V @ The Jersey Shore
Wow
What a great story. I don't know if I liked that it was so short and rushed, to me, or if I would of liked it be longer and more detailed lol . Looking forward to more chapters, hopefully.
FAIRLEY SILLY REALLEY
Some of the things the devil says are quite silly. eg thats a very sweet pussy I smell? Come on that is pretty awful.
Fuck! That was good...
Magnificent! Absolutely sinful. I’ve never read anything more erotic in my life. You should definitely write a second part to go with it.
The muthafucking Devil's Cum
Killing is fun, Nr 1 with the gun, front and get done, cause you can't run from the Devil's Cum!
To have the Devil's baby (ies) ......
Short but Satanically sweet! Bravo and Rege Satanus!
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