All Comments  for

April Enslaved Ch. 01

bykellie_green_eyes©
All
Comments (11)
by Anonymous

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Dirty_Old_Man305/14/09

Good story

Not a big fan of forced sex of any kind, but the story was well-written. The only major flaws of any type seemed to be the girl's name changing from April, to Lisa, then back to April, plus the change from past tense to present tense, then back to past tense. If you are writing in the present tense, keep things in the present tense unless you are writing about things which occurred previously ("he is walking toward me, just as he did last night", or "he is walking toward me, grabs hold of me, and shoves me to the ground", not "he is walking toward me, then he shoved me to the ground"). Writing in present tense is a very difficult task because of our natural tendencies to try to tell stories as past events rather than current occurrences. It is much easier to tell people about something which has already happened rather than something which is currently happening. The only other time that you should switch from past to present is when quoting something which someone said previously (a famous President once said, "The only thing we have to fear is, fear itself"), or during dialogue between two characters who are talking about events which occurred at different times ("he told her he wouldn't, but now he is having sex with his ex-girlfriend"). Keeping the tenses straight in your story will help the reader decipher when events occurred and will keep them reading your story rather than trying to piece together who is doing what to whom. Please, keep writing though! Don't let friendly criticism and suggestions dissuade you from continuing on to future chapters. Use these tips to improve your writing!

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/15/09

this isn't erotic, it's abuse

Nonetheless, thank you for writing such a sad story.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/16/09

0

0

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/18/09

great start!

can't wait for more

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous06/08/09

A Sad Story

I give this a 100 rating even though I did not like the subject matter. My rating is based simply on the good writing. This is a talented writer and I hope she continues to contribute to this site.
Incidently I rated her other posting at 100 and in this case I loved the subject matter also.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous07/02/09

Please continue

Continue. This is one of the best stoties in the net

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous10/19/10

nonconsent/reluctance

wrong area as usual for this site use the proper catagory get a good editor do a rewrite and put it where it belongs

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous08/02/12

Felt like I was there

Hands down the best writing I've seen on this site. The details are so realistic and puts one right in the moment.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous12/14/12

Hot, upsetting, erotic.........

A hot story about being forced.
Its always tricky, do you want it or not, are you glad or not. It is a very hot story.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by montywinger06/02/14

selfish b*****d

Whilst I agree that dads should always break-in their daughters,,,it should be lovingly and gentle to give them a good loving start to sex,,not like this forced r**e,,,that was just greedy,, thoughtless and self indulgent

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.
by Anonymous05/26/17

R A P E

I just don't like rape. It is brutal, sadistic and demeaning.

If the above comment contains any ads, links, or breaks Literotica rules, please report it.

Click here to leave your own comment on this submission!  or
Back to April Enslaved Ch. 01  or
More submissions by kellie_green_eyes.

Add a
Comment

Post a public comment on this submission (click here to send private anonymous feedback to the author instead).

Post comment as (click to select):

Refresh ImageYou may also listen to a recording of the characters.

Preview comment

Forgot your password?

Please wait

Change picture

Your current user avatar, all sizes:

Default size User Picture  Medium size User Picture  Small size User Picture  Tiny size User Picture

You have a new user avatar waiting for moderation.

Select new user avatar:

   Cancel