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English
Great story
Great story. Good character development. Excellent transitions between the two characters. Good start to a series. Enjoyed the next two chapters. Looking forward to more chapters
Interesting Premise
As I said, an interesting premise. I'm not very fond of stories that bounce back and forth Her Story to His Story and vice versa. Even though I think your dialog is a little weak I think I like your imagination. I've set my WebMon to watch your Submissions page, if you add a chapter or two, I'll come back and read your story. (I like longer stories better than shorter ones.)
-- srgeek --
Ditto what "Interesting Premise" said plus...
Either he was out very late job prospecting or she goes to bed very early or you forgot that there should be a time transition there.
I haven't ever known a women who would invite an unknown "physically adult" male into her home/apt. with her being alone and wearing only a towel. I know it is only a story, but that seems FAR outside the realm of believability.
He would have happily stood outside the door or checked at the next house and came back just on the possibility of getting work, much less a chance to look at her again. Even though your dialog is a bit weak i want to encourage you to continue writing.
-- srgeek --
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